spongebob big guy pants okay

who wants to start a National Mutt Show with me

ah yes the biphobia episode of sex and the city

bro. what are my parents even ever talking about.

cobra at the macys thanksgiving day parade?!?!!

evidence of turkey trot (very proud of my second best 5k time ever!! within 1 minute of my PB)

i am acceptably naked for my circumstances

the mild absurdity of listening to a rupaul song is just as entertaining as actually enjoying the song itself

everyone say your favorite smell

what would Samantha Jones think of miku binder Thomas Jefferson

it’s heartwarming and tear jerking to see the muppets being respected like they deserve

Ah, for just one time I would take the Northwest Passage To find the hand of Franklin Reaching for the Beaufort Sea Tracing one warm line Through a land so wild and savage And make a Northwest Passage to the sea

Bro. My eyes were formed 5 weeks from conception.

my sister is such a calming presence to me unless she’s being stressful

crawdad would be an awesome name for a boy

just closed a high-cost marketing deal while in a $3,000 massage chair

i think i may chicken out

three years ago today i ran a 29:27 5k. who wants to congratulate me.

my dad’s latest bit is showing people a picture of stanley tucci

thank you walmart just what i needed

he has received 3,000 offers from modeling agencies across the world

it’s ok if you’re a ghoul fucker

one time in elementary school a boy stole my crunch bar and ate it letter by letter while taunting me like “now it’s a runch bar!” “i love unch bars!” “nch bars, my favorite!”

it helps to whimper like a dog

came into the office looking so chopped that my boss got scared

what an egregious display of owalanism

ALERT: Hot new boi band, HIL, has their introductory gig today. Featuring @hottubheiress.bsky.social. Starting with covers, they are hopeful for original content down the road. Sound quality TBD…sex appeal guaranteed.

the cultural impact yet real-world absence of the clapper must be studied

santa claus

next time we’re together let’s compare heart sizes

full body shave before the paul mccartney show, just in case

no one is allowed to be our halloween concepts for next year this year

being a little fucked up is awesome

right, right

recreational ibuprofen

i love this album omg open.spotify.com/album/1A8y28...

an angel appeared to me

i know the louvre heist is old news at this point but i want it to be known that i laughed with joy and glee when i first heard about it. a very vintage and chic crime. i love it

Leonard B., Leonard B., Leonard B., Leonard B. Whisper words of wisdom, Leonard B.

it’s kind of amazing how awesome and cool and beautiful skunks are

Abe Lincoln impersonator, top hat and all, spotted at Nashville international airport.

update bag of wet cotton balls is tsa approved

will the tsa notice my bag of wet cotton balls

i love to make my friends smile and laugh with the incredible things i say

ive been getting nothing but lord of the rings edits and mt everest disaster stories on my for you page and i once again must admit tiktok has my interests acutely pinpointed

editing your bitmoji at work feels so good

is “the dutch bros employee thought my joke was funny” in the same boat as “the stripper is in love with me”

i forced our graphic designer to make this for me