ive spent all of today laying in my girlfriends bed with the cats taking turns making sure i was alive

matching friend tattoo idea friend one: a small critter friend two: a proper enclosure for said small critter example friend one: a beta fish friend two: a properly designed tank for a beta fish

petition to get mommy blogs and groups to stop using the acronym FTM

Pair of normal investigators

i have been ordered by my doctors to stop heavy lifting and tbh id rather they have told me i have to lose a foot

the heartbreak when the bodega ran out of your favorite jaritos flavor

all my local friends are some sort of queer. my child will think cishet people are the minority. bless.

gonna be spending every spare moment of the rest of my life in this nursery because look how cute and welcoming it is im doing a good job nesting, i think

i play a game with @breetz.zone called “what animal is making this noise” where i play the audtio from a video of an animal making noise and he has to guess the animal i love this game because he is always wrong

“why do you always order three pupusas if you can only eat two” my dog deserves a pupusa. the word pup is in the name.

pasta is but a vessel for parmesan cheese

by age 30 your friend group should be having conversations about cryptids, alien abductions, and secret military bases in antarctica

finalizing the baby registry means deleting the 500 random things i put on it at 2 months pregnant but i did it~

things my baby bump is already making harder: -touching my toes (and a lot of other hamstring stretches) -certain machines at the gym -walking down stairs (balance feels off) -laying on my tummy -getting up from laying on the ground -feeling pretty

all four things at the gym i want to use are taken and in trying to figure out what to do i spun in a lil circle

got a good grade in getting my blood drawn

having a herding dog is fun. i got out of bed to brush my teeth. seph heard and came into the bedroom. she proceeded to stare me down until i got back into bed. as soon as she could tell i was settled again, she left.

ew taco bell is using AI in the drive thru

things that doctors have to screen me for during pregnancy according to my BMI: -gestational diabetes -high blood pressure/preeclampsia what i have: -reactive hypoglycemia -low blood pressure 🤪

my trans friends desperately want to see my husband as my wife. i have no idea what this means.

idk the increasing popularity in long fasts always screams “economic collapse” to me yes train the people to go days without food

a man at the gym tried to subtly out stretch me *cackles in hypermobile* you FOOL you INNOCENT CHILD you CLUELESS IMBECILE this isn’t even my final form (my final form is a pretzle)

im at “my jeans are too small but maternity pants are too big so i guess ill steal my husbands jeans” phase of pregnancy

maternal: corn and soy farmer paternal biological: no clue he left when my dad was a baby paternal step/adoptive: OBGYN at his self-run community clinic for low income patients in the LA area

in a month i will be halfway through pregnancy??? that cant be right????

me without adderrall: i am nothing, a husk of a human, a mere fleeting idea me with adderrall: I CAN CLEAN MY HOUSE

me: leave me alone, you’re such a bully @breetz.zone: for telling you that reality is real? me: YES.

i know too many people with the following names: -david -chris -ryan -seth -sara(h) -brian/bryan get better names

currently crying because im craving a food that i don’t think exists

i have muffin crumbs under my boobs but i am so tired that it feels like a catastrophe

when i went to sleep, these assholes were beefing with the boy scouts, ivy league universities, and some ai nerds all at once. when i woke up, things became catastrophically dumber

ive lost count of how many times the US has gone to war or launched attacks in the middle east during my lifetime

babbo is bumpy bumping

the reason that its impossible to get clear photos or video of bigfoot is because they only reveal themselves to those who are pute of heart and they know that cameras are inherently sinful

if you are too fragile to be hit by a snowball, you are too fragile to be a cop

THIRD time in a row that the same guy has been posted up on the machine i need and just chatting up a woman on the machine next to him BRO STOP

what i wouldnt give to be able to live as a salamander or newt for a few days

i worked out and showered and got into cozy clothes and everything in the world feels right for a moment

i wanna get put in a taffy puller

me: here i dug out an area for you to potty seph: but i dont wanna. ima lay down and pout.

seph is not a fan of this blizzard

think of gender as a penny. most people have theirs on either heads or tails, whether they had to flip it over or not. me? i’ve got a penny that’s gone through one of those coin smashers at the aquarium. i’ve got a jellyfish on mine now. sick.

someone just spilled vanilla extract on the bus it smells delicious

obsessed with this dress

happy first day of the second trimester!!!

new hobby: yelling at the mounted nypd officers that their riding skills leave a lot more to be desired and its obvious their horse hates and doesnt respect them

baby bumping while muscle pumping

i was blessed by the bodega cat today

back at the gym after almost dying and everyone is so happy to see me 🥹

i woke up early to shovel and salt and our upstairs neighbor had already done it even though its our turn 🥹