L’Etranger by Albert Camus Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury Day of the Triffids by John Wyndham

The handball and offside rules are shambolic and applied seemingly at random. #thefootball

Someone should tell VAR in Scotland that accidental handballs are not handballs.

Melania Trump infesting the White House with bees is the funniest thing no one's talking about right now #Bees #WhiteHouse

Alien: And how did you run out of water? Earthling: Machines drank it. Alien: Machines. Earthling: We had to feed machines the water. Aliens: So the machines were holding your planet hostage for water. Earthling: No, we made the thirsty machines. They worked for us. Alien: End communication.

Definitely the breast result possible.

lol

lol

We only want to help you, Poland.

A Flock of Paedos

Oof.

Long intro this.

I like this one.

Is Delta a cat owner? Etc.

She likes Focus.

Whokraine? Mekraine? Ukraine.

First immediate laptop check of the evening.

I would like Aphex to do Eurovision for UK.

Like A Prayer for the Night’s Watch.

Tirana Mouskouri.

You can buy boots in pairs, love.

Here come the Belgians!

Topping up the fizz for three minutes.

I’m loving Engels instead.

Pick a Bond from the photos you already have on your phone.

I don’t know their best but my favourite is Knobheads on Quiz Shows.

Pre-dungeon Theakston #totp

This is your bi-monthly reminder to listen to Yes by McAlmont & Butler with added birthday hats

Shameful that it has come to this. Small businesses have been shafted by Brexit - and for every small business there's an owner who is trying their hardest to make it work and this is just deeply unfair. But you know... blue passports and all that.

Morning.

Gaffney.

I don’t want the first Auton prime minister no matter what barriers it breaks down.

Listening to Murmur by REM again. Needs must.

At least Streeting has united the country. We all hate him.

Anyone not calling it a wesignation is a coward

Chris Mason to analyse why this is bad news for Labour and comment on the tasteful decoration of the property.

lol

“The spa was rightly demolished.”

Called this yesterday with the death conga photo. FFS.

Sleep paralysis demon runs for office.

I saw Boy George failed to qualify for Eurovision.

“They will isolate at home for 42 more days”

Blowier than a lay-by here.

Wes Streeting uses Canesten on his armpits.

Wes Streeting eats big dinners.