They killed someone who was literally named Good. This is how 2026 is starting. With the murder of Good.

2025 set the bar low but 2026 brought a shovel.

Whoever runs the White House's optics team is a far better progressive ally than Democratic leadership has been all year.

I am an absolutist when the situation calls for it.

Star Wars show idea: A half-hour work com about employees at a stationary store. One day they sell a blank journal to a kid named Nemik. Disney, hire me whenever convenient for you.

In an unprecedented act of aggression, the neighbors have put up wind chimes directly beneath my bedroom window.

If his is current net worth is about $500 billion, that's a little under .03%. For the sake of context, I currently have a little under $50k in savings, so this would be like if I had to pay about $14.50.

Trump, spacing out in a cabinet meeting as usual. But this time is different. Staring at no spot in particular on his morning briefing papers, faint smile dancing around his lips, idly scribbling "Mamdonnie" in the margins, little heart over the i...

The Department of Transportation's new "Airline Manners" thing is just a bad repackaging of @pattonoswalt.bsky.social's Jet Blue bit without the funny parts.

"Bill Clinton getting a blowjob" is having a real Saturn's Return.

Look at all this momentum the Democrats have from last week's election victories! Surely they won't squander it immediately.

No News November. Just... just give us a few weeks off.

Turns out Dick Cheney was a blood sacrifice on the altar of progressivism.

"Should our party be representative of its voters, or--hear me out--should our voters fuck off until we need them on *our* terms?" --Chuck Schumer, probably

I was woken this morning by a booming voice from below. "Thus the pact is ended," it spake.

I said I'd never do #Warhammer40k again and it turns out I LIED. But at least now I'm better at painting.

Your son has a massive cocaine problem. Biden: I'm going to help my son get the support he needs. Trump: I'm going to attack the cocaine. Americans need everyday support. Biden: I'm going to help the Americans get the support they need. Trump: I'm going to attack the Americans.

I genuinely feel like the Biden administration didn't even happen.

I want to see @realrichardkind.bsky.social in a movie where he plays all the parts, Eddie-Murphy-style.

Calling it now: at some point soon Trump *will* get a fake Nobel Peace Prize dummied up by his sycophants.

@zohrankmamdani.bsky.social Make SNL number the Weekend Update segments on YouTube. Add this to your platform and you'll coast into office.

Time Magazine should make Colbert and/or Kimmel 2025's Person of the Year, just for funsies. If they do I'll buy a subscription for a year.

We're gonna need a new name for frozen water.

The way Trump mispronounced acetaminophen shows he's actually a lot *more* literate than I thought.

I just want one ad to say "but wait there's less."

@robertjbennett.bsky.social Is your article about your writing shed still available somewhere? It lives rent-free in my head and I want to share it with everyone I know.

How low are your glasses about it, Chuck? How low do your glasses have to get before you DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?

I really like Kill Team but what if it was larger squads instead of individuals, like whole armies fighting huge battles?

Maybe don't copy/satirize his *entire* playbook, Gav.

A group of wizards is called a staff meeting.

What is a shit-eating grin? Who's grinning while they eat shit? How did this phrase happen?

Gonna start a celebrity-themed gas station called Lou Diamond Fill-ups.

<I'm in Starfleet. My ship is caught by the Borg. I am added to the Collective.> Borg drones: Hey, does anyone mind if we un-assimilate this guy? We've all only had songs we know half the chorus to stuck in our heads since he showed up.

Real bummer that the telephone was invented (1876) after the Civil War ended (1865) and Robert E. Lee died (1870) because he could've answered the phone by saying "Generally speaking," which wouldn't have forgiven him for all the treason and violence and racism but it still would've been pretty fun.

Trump can easily escape the Epstein pressure anytime by firing his entire administration, restaffing exclusively through the Progressive caucus, appointing AOC as VP, rescinding all of his previous EOs, resigning by the end of the year, and golfing at Mar-a-Lago for the rest of his days. Easy-peasy.

When I was A young boy My father Took me out to the ballgame Took me out to the crowd He said, "Son, when You grow up Would you buy some peanuts And some crackerjacks."

Why do we say "Playing Call of Cthulhu" when "Cracking open an Old Ones with the Boys" is right there? @chaosium.bsky.social

We are all collectively dropping the ball by not referring to the Epstein list as the Pedo Files. We used to be a society. We used to be artists.

Wait, a brothel *isn't* a soup kitchen?

I would pay literally hundreds of dollars to see Donald Trump run any distance over ten yards at full speed.

I don't *think* I have synesthesia, but I *do* know that the colors vermillion and chartreuse need to switch names. Deep in my soul, I know this is true.

I've got chills (fever) They're multiplying (stronger fever) And I'm losing control (diarrhea) 'Cause the power (NyQuil) You're supplying (CVS employee) It's electrifying! (touched an electric fence (unrelated))

Oompa Loompa Mountain of Doom, Throw in the ring to make Sauron go boom.

Y'all had an actual Satanist in the crowd when the score was 6-6-6 and no one took a swing? @dropout.tv @gianmarcosoresi.bsky.social @gamechangershow.bsky.social @joshjohnsoncomedy.bsky.social

IDGAF I DO give a fuck. The acronym needs work.

Went all-out on NMM gold for the armor. The lightning bolt was also fun to do. As long as you ignore the sword blade, this is my best foray to date into non-metallic metals. Mini is Jada Twinsuns from @reaperminiatures.bsky.social.

I painted these neat little guys. @reaperminiatures.bsky.social