Measles case in Tampa? Fantastic!

Great to see the DHS budget in the capable hands of....*checks notes*....that dipshit in Pennsylvania on his fifth stroke.

Impeachment isn't going to fix this.

The NBC News free channel anchor is going through it right now. "This is supposed to be the happy show. The fluff show. And our producer saw the video and started screaming."

Wait, I was doing my taxes. What did I miss?

Paradise Records was one of those movies where it was worth the rental fee. It was Clerks meets Empire Records. Loved it.

I like that once the dude who shot Charlie Kirk turned out to be neither left wing nor right wing, just an eternally online nihilist whose brain was rotted by social media and memes, folks just decided, "Well, can't help that. Back to hating the trannies and the Jews!"

Red card the kicker

Dying laughing at the 49ers kicker going for a studs-up tackle and missing

Eddie Pineiro going for a textbook tackle. Someone get him an off-season deal playing soccer.

I think once your arms are wrapped around a guy's waist before the ball gets to him, that should be interference.

YOOOOOOO THAT WAS AMAZING

If Adam Trautman can get involved, I would appreciate it. #HailGamblor

Dammit. Had this last week and no dice.

Whenever it gets cold (40 degrees or lower), my download speed plummets to less than a megabit per second. Then as it warms up during the day, it goes back to normal. Gotta think there's a physical reason for this.

Now they sent me an offer for the Weller Antique 107 for sixty five bucks. I don't know if they're just stupid over there, or really desperate for the sales numbers. Either way, I just got a really expensive bottle of bourbon for less than half price.

Local news blaring headlines of LOCAL GRADUATION RATES BREAKING RECORDS--ignoring that the graduation requirements got lowered last year so you're not even required to take Algebra to graduate anymore. But if you change the way facts are reported, then everything looks great!

Once again, shout out to the idea of putting car tint on all the windows in the house. Electric bill is manageable, house never gets above 77 in the summer, and even when it gets to the 40s and 50s, I don't see the temperature inside go lower than 65 or so.

People underestimate how much fun it is to treat sports betting like a scratch ticket. Is an offensive lineman going to score? Probably not! But I'm willing to pay two bucks because it'll be funny as hell if it hits! #HailGamblor

About 20 years ago, media got flooded with characters who were affable sociopaths (Barney Stinson, Don Draper, House, the Sherlock that was played by Bareback Humpersnatch, etc.), and some dudes made that their entire personality without being charming like those actors are.

If the Senate is about to review funding for the Department of Homeland Security, seems like a great time for a Senator with a spine to start a filibuster. Not an e-mailed in "I FILIBUSTER" press release, but stand up there and start talking. Don't stop until someone notices. BE THE MINORITY PARTY.

The military is out there shooting people in the street, but don't you worry--the Senate voted to install a plaque yesterday.

Where's the polymarket for "That dumbass ICE contractor got a tattoo or equipment sticker to commemorate a confirmed kill" because I need to drop a mortgage payment on that one.

With that dress, @willowwrestles.bsky.social is a hat away from being ready for the Gasparilla Parade. #AEWDynamite

We're, like, four impeachments away from getting this all sorted out. Don't you worry. Democrats have this all plotted out.

I dated a girl for about six months. Years later, I was interviewing for a job, and the interviewer asked me if I knew this person. I shrugged it off, because it didn't end poorly. The interviewer hands me a printed out MySpace page where this girl wrote 100 things she missed about me.

Every time someone calls for the President to be impeached, they should have a hand emerge from their phone and slap them in the face. It won't stop them being a stupid fucking idiot, but it'll at least point them out in public so you can avoid them.

If you take an interception 98 yards for a TD, you should be exempt from the unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on the celebration.

When you have "Morning Mimosa" tea, might as well have a proper pairing.

I’ll be watching this 5,000 times

Wait--they went in and kidnapped the president of Venezuela?

If there's any justice in this world, in the next few years, we'll look at AI the same way we look at 3D televisions.

Happy New Year from a very sleepy kitty.

Watching Dinner for One. Same procedure as every year.

God I hope this year's better than the last.

Every year at midnight, we play a song to start the year properly....And goddamn if this year it isn't Killing in the Name Of.

From our home to yours, go fuck yours--er, Happy New Year.

The Founding Fathers would have seen this dipshit's name was Ilan and shot him in the face. I'm tired of pretending people with stupid names and stupid ideas deserve to be heard.

Just need to avoid Puka Nacua going HAM.

The winner of my fantasy league gets to rename the league each year, and I'm trying to figure out how many of them would pitch a fit over "Vaxed and Waxed."

When it's your fantasy league's final, you get together to heckle each other over bourbon at 4am.

Hello, beautiful.

Blindsided by Little Drummer Boy from Kool and the Gang. I was dancing before I realized it.

Got a bottle of Weller 12 for the price of a bottle of Special Reserve, and I'm doing a little dance in the parking lot over it.

Hot dogs and fries on Christmas. Like any normal tradition. The scotch is a blend I got to make out of several Johnnie Walker casks during a really fun seminar.

1.7 billion on a single lottery ticket. Ok Christmas Eve. In Arkansas. How many streaming services are sending people on Christmas morning to be the first to get this person a reality show?

I'm awake in that little window between drunk and hungover, watching silly YouTube videos. And some dipshit out there just broke a finger putting together a bike. I win.

Dropping an "I'm going to send your ass back to MySpace, old man" because at 43 I'm the youngest in my fantasy league.