My chess.com ELO is finally over 400. According to Magnus Carlson I don't have to be embarrassed anymore. The key was to stop making stupid mistakes and start making intelligent mistakes.

My Minecraft loving six year old referred to the stone table in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe as Aslan's Totem of Undying. It's amazing how old and modern classics can blend.

Was Jumanji the first LitRPG novel?

No one told me that being an author would involve so much waiting.

The Dark Forest and Project Hail Mary are on opposite poles of extraterrestrial optimism.

I achieved full crab supremacy in Luck Be A Landlord.

An unexpected singing Divorce-o-Gram. #shortstory #shortfiction #fiction #funny medium.com/whisper-publ...

Who wouldn't love a singing Divorce-o-Gram? #shortstory #funny #fiction medium.com/whisper-publ...

The roommate from Hell. #shortstory #shortfiction #fictionwriting medium.com/no-time/nake...

Sometimes the best revenge is revenge. #shortstory #shortfiction medium.com/no-time/nake...

The cure for writer's block: the right process. medium.com/@kylelsm/how...

I am one chapter away from finishing the rough draft of my first novel and crushing 20 years of writer's block! #writer

I've decided not to get the Neuralink brain implant. I already have self-driving thoughts that crash, dreams that explode on the launchpad, and a personality that makes for boring company.

Since Sting was the head of The Police, can we call him Commissioner Gordon?

Are you hideously codependent or Hideo Kojima dependant?

No matter what they tell you, my hips definitely lie.

Gaslighting is revisionist historical fiction.

Ice cream sandwiches are neither ice cream nor a sandwich. Discuss.

My worst day working remote is better than my best day working in person.

I miss post-credit blooper reels.

My pee is so clear they call me Crystal. My skin is so dewey they call me Mountain. I'm so hydrated that Nestle claimed the water rights on my body.

*Car pulls into the left lane of the highway* Tractor Trailer Driver:

I wrote so much over the past two weeks that my wrists hurt. That's a first from me, Captain Writer's Block. I wrote 1 speculative fiction short story, 1 prose humor piece, and 7 chapters of my first novel. Only 14 chapters to go and that sucker will be ready for revisions! 🥳 #indieauthors

I am so ready for Tron: Ares.

I want to live in a town that's so chill a dog is the mayor.

Happy 50th birthday to Microsoft! I was going to show you all a retrospective on this HD DVD, but my XBOX 360 just got the red ring of death. Sent from my Windows Phone.

Just finished tip to tip with Ludwig and Michael Reeves. It may be the best travel vlog of all time. youtu.be/SHIkv0XH20A?...

LucasArts was a force to be reckoned with in the DOS game era.

The worst part about Pokemon is fear of the unown.

Mordor Corp., Where there’s a whip there’s a way! Due to an unforeseen and sudden staffing shortage, we are urgently hiring for Nazgul Team Lead. Must be able to keep their heads while working with members of the opposite sex. muddyum.net/job-posting-... #lordoftherings

gonna be sporting and give tim a five minute head start

People who sell drugs from their cars used to be more subtle. Just passed a car that said dealer right on his license plate.

I'm aging like fine Balsamic Vinegar.

Why aren't any marketing firms run by Hobbits? No one was willing to start an ad venture.

Hire me as a comedy writer, Sega!

it is now bsky.app/profile/sega...

After countless years of trying and failing I am proud to announce that I have all 23 of the main game masks from Majora's Mask.

youtube.com/watch?v=niKH... Praise the sun!

Me: There's a Nintendo Switch exclusive FromSoft title releasing in 2026. Nurse: Sure there is, honey. Let's get you your medicine.

It's sad to hear of Val Kilmer's passing. I first saw him in Willow, but loved his performances and many more movies thereafter.

Guys, I think I just got kissed by a rose on the grey.

If you don't know if a straw has one hole or two then ask yourself how many holes a donut has. A straw is just a long donut.

I'm blessed with optimistic visions of the future. You can call me Yestradamus.

Star Wars audiobooks are the best on the music and sound effects alone.

In Interstellar, since all three planets orbited a black hole where did they get enough sunlight from for day/night cycles?

Lmao 🤣 savages

Why is it called stealth camping and not homeless than or equal to?

The same dude who calls everything they like "GOATed" also has that dog in him.

It's nice that every chemistry lab comes equipped with a bidet.