the long game paid off, boys....he walked right into our trap....little does he know its ILLEGAL to be mayor...

COSTUME 2: GUY ON YOUR BLOCK WHO DONT KNOW BOUT NO "HALLOWEEN", HE JUST GOT OFF WORK

yo COME ON

ITS GOT TO STOP

for 6 months u get shit in the mail like "MAKE SURE U RE-ELECT BOINGUS HUFFNAGLE AS DISTRICT 8 AREA LEAD COORDINATOR" and then at voting its like "Choose one (1) of the following candidates for District 8 Coordinator: Boingus Huffnagle or nobody" iunno if u needed the mailers

ballot proposals are sick cuz theyre like "this would allow the city to make it so things are nice instead of bad, and everyone gets a balloon" but then u see a guy screamin VOTE NO ON THE BALLOONS!! IT MAKES IT LEGAL FOR POLICE TO BITE U!! not nice how they dont say that part

[furious with the grocer after he refuses to give me a free "thank you lime" to make sure i have a great day] ...just u wait till Walden is mayor u smug bastard...

if the democrats want to build lasting power they gotta put out a big thing of spaghetti while they do speeches and anyone can have. Later, in the booth, voters are like "oh yea...the spaghetti guys..."

Hochul aint endorse Cuomo cuz she dont want him to lick somebody and get in trouble and now she gotta be mayor

Don't Get Left Behind. The Study Agree: If YOUR Animal Crackers Company Isnt Using AI? You Could Go To Jail Or Even Throw Up

u guys are stupid tupac already died months ago

my baseline for an "acceptable" amount of crime is i put 3 pies on a window sill. If a man in a bandit mask floats by & takes one? ok. If he takes two & leaves a note "sorry mac, dems da breaks!" that is also ok. If takes all 3 & says "Boss sez all pies go tru HIM foist" uh oh

SOPHIE! READ THE FUCKIN ROOM

every celebrity that die now, an IG reel comes out the next day like "HEAR HIS LAST WORDS" & its just a bad AI voice going "HELLO TO THE FANS ITS OZZY I AM GOING TO DIE NOW BUT BEFORE I DO, PLEASE BUY MENDLESON'S BRAND VITAMINS"

everybody these days is obsessed with asking what drink u want & telling u to pull up to the window

how much of NYC tourism revenue is people comin here & goin "i got on the subway carriage and OTHER people were in it as well!! just like in Mad Max! i bravely pissed myself the entire time i was there. follow my channel The Terrified Genius for more"

loser nonsense but she does bring up a point that people are missing. many jews have never been exposed to yelling before. it destroys us instantly, which is why we never ever do it.

ARE WE JUST GONNA LET MAMDANI OFF THE HOOK FOR THE TIME I WENT OUTSIDE AND IT WAS RAINING LAST YEAR????? AND THE NEWS SAYS NOTHING!!!

BREAKING: Israeli Forces Intercept Gaza Aid Flotilla and Take 20 Crew Members Captive The ‘Handala’ is the third aid flotilla ship attacked in the last year, as Israel continues to starve 2 million Palestinians. — @premthakker.bsky.social reports. READ: zeteo.com/p/breaking-i...

BREAKING: Israeli military attacks humanitarian aid vessel Handala in international waters 30 miles from Gaza — in violation of maritime law — and has abducted 21 people on board, including U.S. citizens. The ship was carrying life-saving aid, which Israel has seized.

(guy who was mad at the president until the president dropped a press release saying "its stupid to be mad at me, and also ugly") "what u guys don't realize is that its actually STUPID to be mad at the president. The worst part? I'm seeing studies show it literally MAKES u ugly"

guy named in Jœrgüs last week: NYC is a dead toilet, they dance in the fetid water, the disease takes hold, they deserve only decay. i never leave Australia. same guy today: What has become of my precious NYC? the beautiful waters will be ruined now. where will the people dance?

if Zohran wins, my company that crushes poor people into a delicious, heart-smart $40 dollar juice will be forced to LEAVE NEW YORK. If you love UrchMash(tm), you know what to do

Stop yelling in the street. If you want REAL change, find a candidate you believe in and rally all your energy behind them. Then, we will photoshop him and make every youtube ad say that hes coming TO GET YOU

whos the most iconic Norweigian politician to have the witch's curse make wind turn his skin first to sand, then to glass, and then to "how we treat one another" and why is it Hōrst Aaberg?

once throwing trans people under the bus doesnt magically make democrats likeable, then what? change your mind & save them from the bus when u realize u need numbers? or move on to greenlighting the murder of other groups of people? i know that one is your favorite

if i was president and I was like "sunshine costs money now & water is poison" and i looked into the crowd and some people were wearing shirts that said "uhhhh...how about no??" id be so scared. id be like "ahhhh! some shirts!"

Claiming that trans rights can only be protected in the long run by abandoning them in the short term is the kind of innovative thinking that makes Democrats the can’t-be-beat electoral sensation we know and love.

"i cant believe John Cena did that!?!?" i can. when he came out to the ring in his wrestling gear i was like "i bet he wrestles tonight". called it.

republicans get in power & now your MINDALYZER scan has to prove u respect god in order to get water. democrats go "WHAT?! the constitution CLEARLY states--" & then THEY get in power & go "the extreme left's attacks on our country's precious Mindalyzer (aka Mindy) are unamerican"

ohhhhh shit. now when Teacher gets here theyre gonna be in soooo much trouble.

trade negotiations prolly mad easy back in the day when u could just give somebody the first raspberry they ever had. now theyll sign anything

a president can't just "do" or "stop" things. the only ones with power are the people the president rules over. and they ought to be ASHAMED of themselves.

Stallone shows off "The Stinger"

hmm. weird.

EVERY TIKTOK IS JUST THIS

if you love website, you're going to love my new website! web design is my passion. explod.es

prolly on his last day, Biden will sign an order that says "and above all, everyone has to be downright DECENT to one another". Then Donald Trump will start crying like "...i dont know how" and then Biden will go "i'll help you" and then now its fine, theyre friends now.

Fat Tony is the hardest workin man in the biz and one of the most genuine people you could ever know. help however you can www.gofundme.com/f/i-lost-my-...

Fat Tony is the hardest workin man in the biz and one of the most genuine people you could ever know. help however you can www.gofundme.com/f/i-lost-my-...

SANDWICH MAN

wrote about some snacks and my favorite fancy lil' beverages of 2024 in my newsletter unsnackable.substack.com/p/beverage-s...

SANDWICH MAN