Rookie pitcher going into the 6th with a 1-0 lead. What could go wrong?

Me after Thanksgiving dinner when I hear the pie is being cut

Joey Oh My God is This Guy Awful?

Always true

You’re getting 90 year old Joe Biden and you’ll like it

Slighty increase a band: Flying Kick Murphys

The country is hotter than ever from all the measles induced fevers we have now

Brewer fans anytime Yelich goes on a small heater

I am once again advocating for the torpedoes to be legal for any infected cruiseship

Now do Nixon

I think there should be some legal jargon added where if you pay for a cruise and that cruise becomes infected with some rare virus we get to torpedo the ship.

Rodgers to McCarthy by midseason

The fertility rate going down is good because it means fewer teens are having kids, people are thinking hard about how many kids they can actually afford, and fewer women who don't want kids aren't being forced to have them.

Look what money can get you

Fare thee well Greg Jones. We hardly knew ye

Jeff Bezos and his wife are the lead sponsors of tonight's Met Gala. Now seems like a good time to remind folks of all the ways Bezos is shafting American consumers and Amazon workers — and how his wealth is putting our democracy at risk. https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/amazon-ceo-jeff-bezos

Cruise Industry: Would you like to shit yourself to death and/or bleed out in a tiny plastic cabin? Americans: No Cruise Industry: What if there were unlimited Mai Tais and deep fried Mac & Cheese balls? Americans:

America’s division

You know what? Good for him

Jake Woodford has hung around a lot longer than I anticipated

Appropriate childhood shenanigans

Centrists gonna cream their spinach with this new lingo

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Imagine thinking after 20 swings you’d be conditioned enough to keep the bat speed for 80 more pitches

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Hey! Come and a look at this a car crash!

The other side just wants free healthcare but that’s too extreme.

unrelenting

🐐

No power and a bad bullpen is not ideal

I don’t know that did offer two picks to trade up for a kicker but objectively Smack is a great kicker name. Think of the possibilities. Smacked that one from 57 yards. Smack down the middle for 3. Smacked off the upright and that’ll turn the ball over.

Wake up babe. We’re spending the entire day seeking therapy

I saw a video reviewing the movie Draft Day and it called out a bunch of unrealistic things that happen during the movie. But at no point did they call out the most insane thing: a QB from the University of Wisconsin being a potential first overall pick.

Well that sure was a half inning of baseball

Everyone’s jazzed about the Virginia Dems being aggressive. Maybe the National Dems should take some notes? Bet they won’t though

the scene at the northern virginia democrats' redistricting party is wild. as balloons and streamers fall, party members are rolling their eyes back in their heads and levitating in a circle as chants of "blood. blood. blood" echo through the auditorium. it's exciting to see the base this fired up

You have to FaceTime him. You can’t just call him. Limited reception at his home means he can take WiFi enabled FaceTimes BUT NOT WiFi enabled phone calls.

Finally donating that veggie spiralizer that was going to revolutionize the way I cooked.

Michael Scott energy

In high school we’d fill a ziploc bag with air, shove those carrots into a corner of the bag and slap the bag like one of those lake blob things and smoke our friends across the cafeteria.

“Established big league pitcher at this point” *throws pitch wide right by a foot*

Trevor Megill with the game on the line

God I love being a millenial

Me: Onion rings and a bottle of wine for the table waiter: white or red? Me, trying to impress my date: whichever onion the chef prefers

Average Florida Man

First round pick because the NFL doesn’t care if you kill someone as long as you can ball