This will not sit well with New Yorkers who are famous for walking here

"It's a team lift. I've got this end."

Laying out all of my significant furniture items on the front step and telling my frenemy who’s helping me move that the large cask of Amontillado “should probably go in the U-haul first”

Getting a call from Alexander Graham Bell

AMLO and Claudia Sheinbaum have lifted 13.5 million people out of poverty in the last 8 years, but NYT wants us to know that Mexico “can’t go on this way.”

If you order anything from a Wonder restaurant a Blade Runner comes to your house

My country piss of thee Shit land of “liberty”

[to the tune of Spider Man] Father Brown, Father Brown Friendly priestly man Father Brown Catholic frock, normal pants Catches murderous Protestants Look out! Here comes a Father Brown

very deserving ally for all you pro salary cap dorks

For whoever is keeping the big “Empire In Decline” list, jot down “two NFL teams in Indiana”

It remains unbelievable to me that we’ve seen two major vice legalizations in my life and the one that DOESN’T result in news stories like this one is the one they keep talking about repealing

Looking for suggestions that will make my baby feel the exact opposite

Trying to figure out which is the funniest one to imagine and I think it might be the Unitarian Troop

You either die a guy who banned a racist slumlord from your arenas or live long enough to welcome racist slumlords to your arenas

At the end of the day, it’s silly to fight for a guy you think is gonna swing the Senate because even if the midterms result a 51-49 majority, it’s still The Democrats that we’re talking about here. They’re not gonna do anything with it but keep confirming Trump’s judges and send money to Israel.

I am sure there will be no possible downsides to diluting these well loved teams in order to invigorate the hockey faithful of Vegas and San Jose.

A ridiculous name for such a meal. You are not breaking a fast. You were asleep. A fast implies a decision. You could not have eaten even if you wanted to.

Earlier this week I had to attend a two day bullshit Mission Statement and Values workshop and they brought up Coca Cola as a company whose list of values we could try to pull from.

We need a political figure like Obama but who actually lives up to the Obama we were promised: - Communist - hates america - Muslim

I often call Victor Wembanyama the Mercedes Mone of basketball.

Lots of talk about the Spurs restarting their dynasty but I think they'll be more like the Warriors, breaking the sport and going on a dominant run. If there's a Spurs of the 2020s its the Celtics (always competitive with gaps between finals appearances, falsely called boring by haters and losers)

More than anything what 60 Minutes does is fill the time between CBS’s game of the week and Sunday Night Football. It’s not enough time to really dig into anything else so for many it’s hardly a decision to keep it on. If you are a propagandist, and all corporate media is, it’s a perfect platform.

Good lord just order a friggin cocktail

Here is my active ranking of Polar Seltzer’s summer 2026 offerings: 1. Poolside Grape Pops 2. Blueberry Lavender 3. Kiwi Lemonade 4. Pineapple Tangerine Dream 5. Prickly Pear Guava Punch

In New Orleans we jazz it up with Zatarain’s

I’m sure this gag has been done before but I can’t stop laughing at the idea of my son making a 1 Under 1 list

I knew that there was a wide open lane to be doing commercials that are meant to be hip and sexy but I did not expect it to be filled by Fiji Water

Yea conservatives can make good art but some of you are playing fast and loose with “good” to try to make that point. Like I saw someone earnestly bring up 24. Be serious.

You’re not gonna believe this but I think the Knicks might lose their only chance at a championship in this era to a Spurs team whose star player is likely to win 4 more after that.

If the spurs don’t hold this lead I’m gonna make a noise that wakes my baby

Not my dumb ass going to check if something happened on the roof only to come down and see people taking about it in the whole greater Boston area

Man public safety is a real mean anything term huh. I can just imagine what I could do as governor and just call it “public safety”

The mbta has changed their commuter rail schedule for the summer, which is not the same as the special summer schedule which will take place during the World Cup, which is not the same thing as the game day schedule which is only in effect on days that the World Cup is playing in Foxboro

Damn, loved this place when I lived on Hemenway

When a character in a book displays a relatable emotion, it is important for kids to feel like that emotion is a modern invention. If a kid feels like people felt that way 20 or 50 years ago it will cheapen it for them, and they might not want to feel it again. They might say “ennui is chopped”

This has been well covered by now that watching football is for the cool and normal. The right wing gets to call football woke and get steaming mad about whether their favorite anthem gets the right blocking and choreo. You can’t just change the cultural tides because you think the dem is too skinny

Why doesn’t a state just put out warrants for anyone in the DOJ. Fire whatever cops and lawyers won’t enforce them. Who cares none of it is real just remove them from public life.

The Democrats should do more than just insult Steven Miller. 👏post👏his👏address

God I would be so much meaner to this stupid British terf if she ruined the best part of my workday (when the store played Sledgehammer)

This is why the God Of History is such an important concept because it is impossible to understand why someone would be so mad about God (obviously) not having a gender without unpacking how their whole political framework informs their (empty, idolatrous) form of worship

Bluesky is a bubble! Everyone on this thing agrees with me! 7.6 million unique users in 90 days committed to the goal of socialism! We’ve formed a vanguard party roughly the population of Arizona. Capital trembles at our power. This was so easy. Glad didn’t waste time leaving my bubble.

I do love when the Republicans who think they are part of a coherent political movement find this stuff out. You are not apart of any collective. You are a bursting bag of hog slop. The movement you were part of was a kissing contest with the hand of Grandpa Hitler and you lost.

When I was a kid we drank from the dang hose. There was only one hose and we all had to share it. And it was really more of a pulsating tube, or cannula, leading to a big orb of flesh that had fallen from the sky. And the milk was iridescent, and got us incredibly high. And we wore big Diesel jeans

It’s well established at this point that Twitter is the website for Nazis but it’s less talked about how Facebook is that too now but for Grandpas

Invented a new type of workout where you take the 5lb dumbbells and pretend that you are airport ground crew bringing em into the gate

Love memorial day. It’s great because you get to grill burgers and drink beers and not think about anything else.

People are sleeping on NJ and CT here, who have the same prejudices as other states but because of their proximity to NYC don’t even have to rely on their big cities as cultural destinations.

On the short list of perfect songs

This is why I am so mean to 2000s nostalgia because you give it an inch and then suddenly they’re seeking “was the War on Terror THAT bad”