How does iPhone still not have a function for “turn my weekday alarm off tomorrow but make sure it’s back on for Tuesday”?? Or does it have that and I’ve never found it

Putting all the top seeds vs play ins on one day was such a goof up by the NBA. My kingdom for a 3 vs 6 matchup right now

I don’t know how you can read this and think liberalism can save you. These are not fringe cases they are some of the most powerful people in the country. Your elected officials could not prevent this evil from being birthed they sure won’t regulate it away.

Oh wow so a Randy Orton vs Cody Rhodes match wasn't very good. Wow. I can't believe it. They're usually so captivating.

KAT wearing an armband with his own number on it is so funny. Like he’s playing in tribute to himself. Like he’s the one who died

Ordering “All Flats” for your wings is the exact type of behavior that must be exorcised from the American soul. Of course they are the better ones. But they are part of a pair. These are not arbitrary nugget shapes. They came from somewhere. You’re asking to double the number of dead birds.

Wow ticket sales must be even more dire than expected if they’re trying to get ESPN to buy some at the last minute

I think the play-in might be dead now. If a team that’s been as hot in the second half as the Hornets is getting demolished by the uninspired Magic then it simply isn’t going to do what it was intended to do

[No Doubt or Talk Talk voice] It’s my wife Don’t email her

Worlds Smartest Cuba-hater

Meet the Mets Meet the Mets Step right up and Greet The Mets Grab your kiddies Grab your wife Guaranteed to Globalize the intifada

All week long I’ve had meetings related to various crises in my church/food pantry. But I got to hold my baby on my lap for most of them. So to all the Men out there: don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t have it all!

Storage unit auctions and television shows about them

I am iffy on whether it will actually bring down prices (or at least bringing them down enough to cross a threshold of affordable for most people) but it sure as hell is a better way for a major city to use its land.

Oh you think we are not following God? Well what about this one doctrine that we are also not following

I have had multiple dreams in recent weeks where I was guesting on podcasts that I listen to regularly. Embarrassing stuff from the old subconscious

Triple H looking at a line of strong charismatic Black guys stuck in the midcard: I mean what the hell am I going to do this would be so much easier if I had to start Jared Stidham

Shouldn't be so surprising that Trump is attacking Catholicism. He is an orange man, after all

When most people do this I consider it a cry for help so I guess I’m happy he’s crying

Basically every other country on Earth handled COVID better than the United States did and rather than take that as a challenge to improve we just launched 1000 new forms of mental illness to rationalize it.

Wooof. Talk about Internet personalities that should be a litmus test

Can’t overstate how much I look forward to this self exalter being humbled

You have to account for, irrespective of politics, the pure advantage of being named Peter Magyar. If there was a candidate named Steve American you’d have to give him a fighting chance no matter his stances

In the interest of being specific, I’d keep it to Reagan. Knute Rockne, All American His anti-socialism PSAs Then the movies of his presidency that were most influenced by his presidency: Ghostbusters Back To The Future Rocky IV Red Dawn Maybe we fit in that awful looking Reagan biopic

Is this a bad time to bring up the opinion that this is probably what the price at the pump should be in non-crisis times

Not enough of a stat guy to prove or disprove this (though I see some obvious holes in the presentation) What I can tell you for sure is that these guys miss the point. The sales pitch of America was children living better than their parents. Tell someone with a straight face that’ll happen now.

Telling the baby every time I pay the mortgage. He has no reaction. Doesn’t even care. I don’t intend on ever being resentful towards him but I’m building up a cache in case it’s necessary.

This is the worst attempt at a work shoot in wrestling history. A work shit. A diap bomb.

I am not saying the Mets are antisemitic but there are probably not many American institutions that produced as much Jewish suffering as the Mets

Half a century ago we reoriented our whole economy around teens buying useless stuff at the mall and now there are significantly fewer teens and malls so really the adults who refuse to engage with any age appropriate media are actually the heroes that prevent total economic collapse.

HUSKY ROD STEWART VOICE: have I told….you lately…..I’m Italian

Well I suppose you’ve gotta pride yourself on something once segregation is off the table

Reconstruction is a fascinating choice for liberals to invoke because the historical version of it was a) far more radical than anything they would ever support and b) clearly didn’t go far enough.

If I see you looking at your phone while driving there should be some kind of castle doctrine invoked. You are displaying a dangerous weapon and I’m fearing for my life.

Yeah that’s fine they can do that

Trump Always Kills Innocents

TRUMP: Go bomb a hospital. Kill some babies. BRAVE TROOP: Sir… (standing up, trembling) … you have not filled out the correct forms to sanction hospital bombing… and I cannot kill babies without congressional approval

Hey buddy watch who you’re talking to, I’m the one who the Kamala campaign trusted to woo the racists. I got them six votes from all of my staff and a wooden nickel.

It’s hard to explain how absolutely gobsmacked average Americans in 2001 were to learn about how hated they were on the global scale. I can’t imagine what could happen now that would truly surprise Americans.

I have seen about 50 commercials during march madness where someone puts their rental lease into copilot to determine whether they are allowed to paint their cabinets.

They have not yet met a moment that doesn’t call for subtlety

My son is a big fan of when I sing and sign the alphabet. Weeks ago he would smile real wide for L-M-N-O-P which I found to be derivative and signaling that he was a newer more casual fan. But recently T-U-V-W has really gotten his attention, showing a more nuanced adult appreciation for the artform

I’ve had a lot of fun with march madness this year despite not being around to post about it. South Carolina has really won my affection which is probably their kiss of death

what were the good posts in the last 40ish days

Happy Easter everyone the empire can't kill us

See you all on Easter

There's a sweet Alzheimer's treatment (NeuroEPO) that is stuck in stage 2 trials in Cuba right now while Trump blockades the whole island from fuel

Someone blew an easy Wheel of Fortune final tonight so my guess is we get another easy one this week. I am personally convinced they cook them to intentionally have around a 40% win percentage

Why Can’t We Be Friends