Rest In Piss motherfucker.

Nytimes is shit from a butt.

Why is everyone doing hip thrusts at the gym? Am I missing something?

Philly police get paid an average of $32.60/hour with potential to make up to $90k/year Sanitation workers get $17/hour with hopes of earning $21/hr for seniority. In 2024, Philly gave the cops another 55.7 million for pensions and inflation adjustment, a 6.9% increase from the previous year.

Here’s a crazy idea. What if we pay people a living wage instead of giving all our money to cops?

What a prude.

Seen in a rest stop bathroom. Someone was obviously trying to change their identify.

Wow cool. The Catholics have a new person to tell them what to do. Can we move on now?

Had a dream where I went to “metal school” and the teacher played guitar and screamed the whole lecture. No one could understand a thing.

If your pets had to go to high school, which clique would they belong to?

The smoke they use to signal the new pope is actually the old pope getting nice and crispy.

Rodney Anonymous is Philly’s Jello Biafra.

I see some honeys tonight that should be having my rabies. Rabies.

Cheez Whiz is short for Cheese Wizard.

What the hell is this Groupon for?

Mammoth Grindr is a hook-up app for gay Mammoths.

Getting in my Time Machine to diddle some people.

Why can’t we have a good old conspiracy about ancient aliens and lizard people without becoming anti-Semitic fascists?

I'm like a bird, I'm gonna fly away, Take the head off of a rodent, Put the rest on a honey-locust...

Everyday I play this game with my cat called "Is He Sitting or About to Piss on the Couch"?

Hey Bluesky, I'll be in Houston, TX next week. What things should I do? Where should I eat? What's cool?

Me watching Alone while eating snacks and drinking copious seltzers: “Ha! What an idiot! I would’ve done that differently.”

Do you have any book recommendations on how capitalism and fascism go hand-in-hand? Essays would work too.

My brand of petty is I’m willing to get run over when a giant vanity truck honks at me on my bike.

If you listen to enough metal with songs names like “Masticated Inurnment of Dysphagiatic Soils” and “Realized Abolition of Ocular Faculae”, then they eventually send you a medical degree in the mail.

Watching Mark Zuckerberg fall over himself to prove he’s also fashy reminds me of the guy in Come and See who really wants to be a Nazi.

Thinking about the Super Bowl ad where they said companies want to keep us sick and miserable only to sell us some fucking online pharmacy. I came this close to rioting.

Someone started an Eagles chant in the goth club and it felt like I was back in high school.

When getting into a band with a bunch of albums already, do you start at the beginning of their discography? Or do you start at the latest thing they've released and work your way backwards?

Tech in America: hey I made this thing. It’s just a prototype and I have no idea what the unintended consequences might be, lol. Capitalist in America: Cool! Let’s make it run the government, our cars and our financial system!

If your toenail is falling off but is still attached to the toe, do you A: rip that shit off? B: let it fall off on its own?

Proud to announce my new generative AI model, DeepSack, which is the world's first platform solely trained on DEEZ NUTZ.

Gong Hey Fat Choy, you filthy animals.

This current climate of homophobia makes me want to make the filthiest, gayest club banger imaginable.

Got called racist for assuming black metal out of Germany could be racist. Now I feel like the crazy one because I was pretty sure it's scientifically impossible to be racists towards Germans.

I've heard there was a secret KORG that David played and it pleased the Lord

Accidentally took Viagra instead of Zoloft and now I’m crying with a raging boner.

Bummed to learn the new movie 'Den of Theives: Pantera" is NOT about Dimebag Darrell.

I'm absolutely shocked that Jimmy Carter died recently because I thought he died decades ago.

Found one of the NJ drones in the trash.

My house is haunted by people who never got their figgy pudding.

Quite possibly the straightest post I've ever seen.

Realized today that Limp Bizkit’s ‘Break Stuff’ is just one note the whole way through.

Ice-T standing over the body of a slain insurance CEO: “Looks like someone’s claim just got denied.”

without qualification or exception, the mere act of having billions of dollars makes you a mass murderer by default. you have hoarded resources while others went without and died for it.

I’ve been playing Diablo while listening to Capital Vol. 1. Now every time I hear about commodity value I think of demons and vice versa.

Got FarCry 5 on sale yesterday and boy does this game love America. You start off as a cop and your job is to return the land to the status quo of some vague country-song ideal of what they think America stands for: guns, freedom and the right to go hunting wherever and whenever.

Before you say something remember to THINK. Tuhhhhhhh Huhhhhhhh Iuhhhhhhhhh Nuhhhhhhh Kuhhhhhhh

On this day Turkey God sent his only begotten son to earth to die for our sins. We celebrate by tearing him apart like a pack of wild dogs.