have you ever watched porn on a macbook? man the retina display really adds to the experience.

in fairness to everyone i also always assumed jeffrey goldberg worked for the state department and was suprised to find out that wasnt the case

Nothing feels worse than finding out everyone else in the group chat made a new group chat without you because they’re planning a war you aren’t invited to

starting a newsletter to contain all my great politics™ thoughts

posting notes through random letterboxes on my walk reading 'this is because of your choices' and wondering what kind of odd chaos im creating in my wake

i dont think you understand i need to listen to this song 700 times in a row in order to get everything i can out of it. then i will never listen again.

its admirable that the administration supports american businesses so much that they announce something new to defend elon from his own crashing stock price everytime it drops below 230

ctrl+f 'weird gay stuff' in all the new jfk files, no results, close tab.

hi i am israeli and i need to tell you that actually firebombing civilians is how we express our love for the people of palestine and anyone who says otherwise is an anti semite

i got a rejection and i clowned on 9 hours of ethan klein. all in all a productive day (it was not)

in fairness to israel there were some children still living in gaza and they need those out the way so they can occupy it illegally.

my girlfriend is a maths teacher but also a pagan and im convinced that theres some weird link between these two things and shes using weird pure math to summon demons or something

cant believe the bbc is discriminating against me by not putting my sketch on their stupid radio program

a guy friend of mine moved in with a girl for the first time and felt the need to express the thought 'god women can shit' on his facebook for us all to see and i still remember.

once lil x turns old enough to have opinions elon is going to drop him so fast that vivian wont even have time to tweet what an absolute fucking mess he makes of all his children

*me explaining useless things to zoomers* no they were cats and they didnt speak properly and they had a whole theology about ceiling cat and basement cat and it was very funny at the time

nick and adam announce the return of cumtown with their new third mic gavin newsom

we need to send a message ~ write in jill stein for every special election this year

prediction for next weeks headline ~ 'bill maher doesnt like that its no longer socially acceptable to beat women in the streets like the dogs they are'

wtf did i do to get on this list

assimilating in america like a good immigrant~

im here you fuckass bitch

dei made these tornados it must be stopped

i only eat food that can be made in 3 minutes or less using a microwave or hot water

accusing the cashier at my local store of employing DARVO for refusing to acknowledge that i am entitled to vape pods for my juul for free under the magna carta

spreading brain poison by leaving notes reading 'google flesh simulator' on all the computer keyboards at the library

i hope they all make a tiktok where they dance for stephen colberts show.

right now 700 wannabe techbros are pitching the idea 'exploitative work position + weed' in silicon valley. ubereats + weed. postmates + weed. table service + weed. sex worker + weed. human shield us infrantry + weed. this is the future ur just dumb.

im going to get a denial monday but the thing is it had been so long i had forgotten about it so it was ok but now ive remembered so its going to be bitterly crushing and i will never endeavour creatively again (for six months)

just called cps on ethan klein for the second time

the only solution is to burn more tesla dealerships and overwhelm the system and then we can all meet up in the tesla long kesh and come out worse

its called doing praxis actually you leftists wouldnt understand i have to agree with everything the right wing do so i can mildly criticise them later its how you do politics everyone knows that

downloaded ableton for the 300th time in my life so i can still not learn how it works and do nothing

this will do a lot. hell probably reconsider everything if you do this. if trump ever posts on reddit i will downvote all his posts too just doing my part.

real addicts commit to the bit ~ we could afford furniture but its an aesthetic ok and u dont understand it because ur old

ok sorry . my lawyer has advised me to say that drinking israeli diarrhea is good actually no matter how many kindergartners they murked

If i saw a child doing heroin i would jump in front of the needle and take the Hit . That is how dedicated i am to community's

they will do that anyway and you will vote in favour of it and make a post about how ur protecting democracy by being nice to them

sometimes i dox reddit mods in case i need to annoy them in future

*ripping a childs drawing off their fridge* i hate it theres just too much gender in all this art of yours you need to stop it now

elon is lining up his defence for nuremberg 2.0 where big balls will be hanged from a makeshift gallows built by a company elon owns called something like 'y u no die' while he watches on coked out of his mind wearing the logo of his company on a t-shirt (it is a rage comic)

no one will green light my controversial sitcom pilot owing to the plot twist on the last page where it turns out its a prequel to a different world that isnt the cosby show.

'hasbara is a slur invented by israelis to torment other israelis and i think its matt liebs fault' - ethans newest mental illness

gonna be the next musical sensation with my groundbreaking mix of noises my cat makes and recordings of slurs shouted by the racist who lives above me

oh now he thinks trans people exist

this is who you are bullying when you dont appreciate my great posts

next week on the gavin newsom podcast i will interview X̴͈͂͝a̴̠͒͜'̸̜̟̏l̷̩͓̄͠i̶̜͊̉g̶̘̣͑̆h̵̲̮̀a̴̻̅͝ the lovecraftian horror of twisted sound where i will ask him if he also hates trans people

micheal parenti once said the government is in many ways a jobs program that keeps millions employed and supports the economy at a baseline and the point is that im sure firing all these people will have absolutely no economic impact on the country because micheal parenti probably just made that up