Mahatma Gandhi, 1947

He will rise again Hovis 1:69

I thought Harry Redknapp had been at the ozempic

They really, really, *really* don't want any of us to ever collect our pensions, do they?

Far out, man

If this goes wrong for you @dano1883.bsky.social you will never be allowed to forget it

My missus decided, yesterday, that she wanted Thai green curry tonight. I asked her to get coconut milk whilst she was out yesterday. I've just seen she got low-fat

Just as night follows day, my TL is full of similar sentiments every time they play #LovelyStuff

It's rare a cover outdoes the original, especially when it's such an iconic song as The Weight, but I maintain that this is one of the greatest things I've ever heard [Insert Paul Morley meme] youtu.be/ph1GU1qQ1zQ?...

It's happening @williamshuttoh.bsky.social 👀

Away at Crewe, Easter 1979ish, I had bellyache all the way there and knocked on the nearest house as soon as I was off the coach, asking to use the toilet. The fella was very obliging. It was enormously unpleasant and, as I came back downstairs, he sniffed and just said "Fuckin hell, son"

As an indication of how things change. I called a young (under-30) person "bone idle" the other day, and they didn't know what it meant. I asked another under-30, to prove that wasn't normal, and they didn't know either

Erich Honecker, November 1989

I hate to be serious about football for a minute, but how in the fuck was that first Liverpool goal onside? He was literally stood in a different colour stripe on the pitch

It's almost like the FIFA Peace Prize was just a made up thing between pals

*polishes dancing shoes*

Night bus cleaner after being asked for more details regarding a complaint put in about the top deck

After coming over from the other place, I forgot most of who followed me because I didn't use this app for quite some time in between. It's nice when someone I followed over there then follows me here so - 1. I can follow them back 2. I can feel guilty about not following them in the first place 👀

Saw countless posts on here, last night, of the "fuck off Everton" variety, so I assumed they'd been battered. Just seen the result. You lads are superb value on social media, I have to say

SONNAZ ON REPAIR SHOP KLAXON I'd definitely let her re-upholster me etc

I assume this was only after the dried up crones on Mumsnet had voted

Been ill since xmas day. Last night was the first night since then that I've managed more than 45 mins sleep without waking up #BangAPanForMigs

Gingaman franchise incoming

Someone half-inched him* *I know the maths doesn't really work, but go with it

WE'VE GOT CHRISTMAS EVE, BUT WHERE'S CHRISTMAS ADAM???? etc

When you can't rape multiple women without being accused of being a serial rapist, the game's gone #wokenbritain

Every time I'm forced to enter a DOB online, I use 01/01/1970 for 2 reasons - 1. It's the default Unix start date, and hides your actual DOB 2. At this time of year, the emails come piling in with discount codes. Many of them are allowed over and above whatever sales are going on You're Welcome

The news absolutely nobody wanted to hear

It's always the ones you'd most expect

"And now we move onto liars"

Had a clear out. The number of CDs I've bought at gigs because the support band were amazing, only to stick it on at home to hear a badly recorded, appallingly produced pile of shite [Awaits Shutter and his image collection]

Some of us* have got freshly made peanut butter cookie dough firming up in the fridge *One of us** **Me, it's me

Malcolm Tucker Would have got Glenn Cullen

Old Romantics are at the Bridgewater Hall to watch Tony Hadley. I have to say, it's a magnificent venue

Whilst this is certainly admirable, until the big 5 of France, Germany, Italy, Spain, and the United Kingdom take a stand and threaten to withdraw funding, the contest will just carry on

Okay, I've done my homework. Up until the late 2000s, RTL was the dominant order, as typified by Teletext. Only after Sky reversed it across all their platforms did it become standardised as LTR

I'm relying on @williamshuttoh.bsky.social for this, as it's doing my head in. I've noticed that a team's last 5 results are now shown left to right, eg a team who won their last game after losing 4 now shows LLLLW. I'm sure it used to be done the other way i.e. WLLLL. Am I losing my mind?

Who knew that a chancellor who worked firstly for the Bank of England, and then HBOS, and who was investigated for misuse of funds before "taking voluntary redundancy", would choose billionaires over the rest of us? #ColourMeShocked

35 minutes after arriving home from the match, I've got brownies in the oven #masterbaker #NotATypo

Billy Bragg (countless times, but not recently) The Proclaimers Bucks Fizz Thin Lizzy Thompson Twins

Tax standing in a takeaway queue for 10 minutes and then, once you reach the counter, looking at the board to decide what you want

"16 in the clip and 1 in the hole, L-Pope is about to make some proddies turn cold"

Seems legit

Google algorithm changes mean that small producers are penalised because they are less likely to appear in the AI summaries at the top of search results. Gail's stuff is fantastic (I know because I have something of hers on the wall in front of me) so, if you need christmas presents, have a look

As someone who once served as a Labour local branch secretary, I resigned my membership after Starmer became leader because I knew what was coming. My Subject Access Request was 600 pages of mostly redacted content. This man has reignited my faith in UK politics

London media innit