Jesus Christ this is good. This is my thesis. I can stop watching tv

What an asshole

Someone is going to throw a hot dog in the hopes of settling the debate once and for all in a court of law.

Neither government nor defense requests anything at this time…not even an afternoon snack. So that—and I know you’ve been waiting for it—is a wrap.

We have reached a verdict: Not guilty.

Up the sandwiches

They really have aged a lot between seasons 1 and 5

May tonight be a beautiful reminder that Regular People Hate This Shit #rphts

I thought the grand jury didn't indict

IF EVERYONE JUST STOPS RESPONDING THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO RESPOND TO AND NO MORE EMAILS JUST STOP REPLYING ALL

Oh my sweet dick it's magically dumb!

Hey guys what's going on ya get a lot of trick or treaters

Call me crazy, but I'm not buying this.

What in the actual shit is this? This is literally the "Sure Grandpa, let's get you to bed" moment. I'm sure there are others but holy balls

Three weeks in to November and just in time for Thanksgiving, Dear Leader will wind up releasing emergency funds, saving Thanksgiving and indeed the lives of millions by solving the problem he and the Republicans have created but blame Democrats for.

Aren't there around 2 million active service members? So each one gets what, $65?

I'd say I can't wait to piss on his grave, but I hear he's in to it. ... Please don't read this as kink shaming.

I was in the bathroom when the 3rd goal happened. My bladder magic is real

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY SORRY FOR OUR DELAY WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THIS WAS A REAL DAY.

This got me right in the feels.

Went a protestin’.

He doesn't want to be king. He wants to be emperor. More like emp-error amiright is this funny tell me I'm good

I've been trying to find an appropriate way of phrasing this. We're reclaiming frogs.

I was raised Catholic. The amount of shame and guilt I just had shoot up my spine to the base of my skull while reading that thread... I'm not even one of these bad guys who clearly was already going to hell, but now it's double-stamped no take-backs. Holy shit.

if you’re not Catholic, let me real quick tell you about the breathtaking audacity of bringing the monstrance with him a monstrance is a big bedazzled gold ornament with a round glass window in the middle where you put a consecrated wafer, usually the bigger ceremonial one and not the bite-size

This pleases me.

I'm already there. www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAGz...

Exodus 8:2

AI videos being sent to him by Miller, Noem et al, right?

Apropos of nothing, Sec. Kristi Noem is currently praying over Burgerville with Portland ICE officials.

JFC the turd is fucking nutty

Dr. Jane Goodall filmed an interview with Netflix in March 2025 that she understood would only be released after her death.

Someone in his circle needs to go up to him with tears in their eyes and say, "Sir, you need to do your own research."

jfc i hate this

You guys go ahead and make all the jokes you want, but last week we only *just* made it in to The Lion King at the Keller Auditorium before they sealed the blast doors.

“An escalator can never break down. It can only become stairs. You’ll never see an escalator out of order sign. Just escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.” - Mitch Hedberg

Mars, you say? Logistics, you say?

I'm feeling fine and don't want to worry anyone but for some reason I'm wondering what my funeral merch might be. Can't imagine what's making me think of that. :) I suppose I should at least book a food truck.

wanna feel old? she's a middle-aged, VP of Operations dirtbag now

(I'm not even joking)

It’s done! 🔥 The original painting and prints will be up on the site in the morning ☺️✨🎨 “I've never seen an elf get picked up by his testicles before. Lucky thing for you that wizard passed by when he did, otherwise you'd be lifting up your schnutz to tie your shoes.”

Ooh, he's mad. He's mad that the protestors didn't get thrown face first through the plate glass windows. He's mad mad mad. Big mad.

“But then something happened that the ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a shower curtain ring salesman, Del Griffith, Director of sales, American Light & Fixture.” ✨🎨

I've got more Star Trek art in my timeline than that other thing and that makes me as happy as I can possibly be on the online.