We thought they were going to name the dam after former liberal opposition leader Andrew Wilkinson.

Our editor is in a long-distance relationship with a woman in Toronto. It’s a little one-sided since apparently she doesn’t know anything about it.

Our Publisher is going in for surgery. She’s having her large & small Intestine combined into a single, more manageable, medium intestine.

You’d think AI chat bots would be programmed with something like: •Don’t help people hurt themselves. •Don’t help people hurt other people. Instead…we got the honour system.

National News: Everything is terrible. Inflation and immigration are out of control. We all live sad lives, in an awful house, on a dangerous street, under our lame flag. This update brought to you by Pierre Poilievre.

Gazette Tip: Throwing your computer or printer out the window can definitely be considered part of machine learning.

What is it with Vancouver and barges?

Our poor cafeteria chef. She’s pasta breaking point.

In a recent poll, 76% of Oak Bay residents replied to the question, "Who is Michael Jackson" by saying he was a famous English whiskey journalist.

So far this baseball season the Atlanta Braves have scored the most runs (237) while allowing the fewest runs scored against them (144). You know…we can come home but no one else can. It’s like Oak Bay.

Our movie editor thought the best part of the Michael Jackson movie was when he looked in the mirror and said “My God! What the hell is wrong with me?!” .

We’d like to welcome a new sponsor. Flintstones Children’s Smokeable Vitamins.

We’re working on some jokes about labyrinths. They’re going to be a maze ing.

From our celestial mechanics editor: May 31 is the second full moon of the month. It’s a rare event, occurring roughly once every 2.5 to 3 years. We won't see another month with two full moons until December 2028. Our celestial mechanics editor has a lot of free time.

Many of our readers say our city hall reporter is incompetent. He says he has a “skill opportunity”.

Memory Lane Dept. This was Victoria two years ago. Solar storms.

I've never had a root canal so I'm having one in a couple of weeks to see what the fuss is all about.

Gazette Saurology Factoid: In Cuba there’s a gigantic lizard called the Havana Gila. It’s so famous they wrote a song about it.

It’s Mother’s Day. Don’t forget to phone your mom. But wait about an hour because when our editor was leaving she was just getting into the shower.

Focusing on the big issues facing America.

Gazette Community Announcement: Are you an expectant mother? Well come on down to the Gazette offices tomorrow between 2 and 6 and the drinks are on us!

Yes, give us three triple burgers, two extra large sodas and an order of committal.

We apologize for the rat infestation at the Gazette building. It’s part of our research into this hantavirus story.

If you’ve got a hospital stay or medical procedure coming up, our medical editor says the most important thing is to have fun.

People who say they have Headline Stress Disorder don’t understand the real reason you buy a newspaper is for Marmaduke.

Any discounts on VI Olive Gardens?

Be sure to take your copy of the Gazette to any Red Lobster restaurant on Vancouver Island and get a 20% discount.

TAKE MY MONEY

Next month we’ll be introducing the Gazette paywall. Only $3.00/month will hide all our posts.

Boarding, it is time for.

May the fourth be with you. youtu.be/mn2fAkmG7Tk?...

Please join us in the newsroom tomorrow at noon as we retire our oldest typewriter.

When people say to us “You’re better than that.” we make a point of proving them wrong.

Gazette Smart Shopper Tip: Walmart is a non-union shop. Save-On-Foods is 100% United Food and Commercial Workers. To wise shoppers, this represents a clear choice.

It’s the first day of the month. Don’t forget to say “Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit” for good luck.

FYI, we livestream council meetings on our website. And we scroll a “sensitive viewers” warning along the bottom of the picture.

Welcome to Oak Bay. You are now entering an unlimited nap enclave.

New “life accelerator” allows users to smoke eight cigarettes at once. A great example of truth in advertising, it accelerates your life…right to the end.

Gazette Tip: To avoid seeing any violent or extremist posts on social media, block all US government accounts.

Gazette Accounting Notice: Effective immediately, all expenses are to itemized as “cleaning supplies”.

Our publisher went to a government surplus auction Friday, and got a great deal on a Wallenstein WX450-L log splitter. Barely used.

It’s probably a bad sign that we keep getting letters to the editor cut from letters out of a magazine.

If we had a dollar for everyone who thinks we’re a terrible newspaper… We’d be a fantastic newspaper.

Local News: Oak Bay man who disagrees with year-round daylight saving time angrily sets his iPhone to dark mode.

Know this, we do. (BCFerries posts without context)

Gazette Tip: In Oak Bay you can spread any nasty rumor you want, as long as you work property values into the conversation.

Gazette E-Z Homemaking Tip: To get mustard and chocolate stains out of a white shirt: 1. Go to store 2. Buy new shirt

Watch for our three-part series on the politics of Australia in the 16th century.

Our night shift was going to try and do a little background research for the day guys. But they all go home in six hours, so there’s really no point getting started.

Gazette Population Density Report: Burnaby, BC: 2,759/sq km Mississauga, ON: 2,450/sq km Halifax, NS: 2,519/sq km Oak Bay, BC: 1,710/sq km Also Oak Bay: NO DENSIFICATION!