@scottaukerman.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social Clearly fishing for a Scott Hasn't Seen invite

Wild to put this in an article that says they don't cover the procedure

My stage name for my Benito tribute act is Bad Body

"Remember lift with your legs, not your back" Ok well now my knees are fucked

Me on the phone with my wife, getting increasingly frustrated that she doesn't understand where I want her to meet me in the grocery store: 👏 I 👏 AM 👏 IN 👏 THE 👏 *FOOD* 👏 SECTION👏

I looked at my local library's catalog recently because Meet Me in St. Louis (1944) wasn't on streaming. They didn't have it but they do have multiple copies of every Ice Age movie.

They're out here trying to replace workers with AI when Microsoft Word can't even figure out the way I want my bullet points to line up (in line with the previous bullet points).

I didn't know the parade was for his birthday and scheduled a rival birthday party for my daughter at a DC area Chuck E Cheese. Am I going to be sent to a Salvadorian black site?

Let the record show that DT's official stance is that it better to have woke statues than no statues

Don't know what the deal is but if the Dodgers want me there I'm reporting for duty 🫡

Finally saw Better Man

My daughter put together "S❤️" and asked me what it means. Thankfully it was a rhetorical question she answered herself because I was thinking "shart"

This is fair. We don't even have enough to govern ourselves.

I'm flying out to LA tomorrow for my Irish grandmother's funeral. Zoe wanted to make a card with St. Patrick's Day stickers on it to give to my dad which I encouraged until I saw the specific stickers...

Me trying to be profound and comforting to my wife who is sad the Bills aren't playing today: "You can't make Buffalo dip without Philadelphia cream cheese" *She then body slams me like I'm a folding table*

BREAKING: The first production at the Kennedy Center under Trump's leadership has been announced

We've finally defeated cancel culture. Now people only get fired for criticizing the government

I wish I was stupid in a way that i didn't I realize things are bad instead of stupid in a way where I don't know how to make things better

I haven't watched an inauguration since 2013,is Obama still president?

Trump should make Musk and Zuckerberg do the fight they said they were going to do as part of the inauguration ceremonies like a soyboy gladiator match in ancient Rome.

A burger and fries from an airport Five Guys will bankrupt a person.

I put my family above work so instead of staying at my office party all night, I'll put in a polite 45 minutes, drink 12 beers, and be home with my wife and daughter by the time the alcohol kicks in.

No one wants to talk about it but global warming is because Heat Miser beat Snow Miser to death

@cbbworld.bsky.social influencing my top 100 yet again

I'm watching Paddington 2 with my 4-year-old daughter who doesn't realize that if she keeps asking me questions about why Paddington is in jail, she's going to get a rant about structural racism, the industrial prison complex, and who laws are designed to protect.

Supporting women's sports is great because it has doubled the number of opportunities I have to experience pain and torment

I'm going to start pronouncing Bluesky like it rhymes with brewski

Waymo rolled out Robotaxis in LA and even robot cars won't drive to the valley

They should make a horror movie where the moral of the story is the real monsters are the monsters

Today's the start of open enrollment and after looking at my options I'm pretty sure that if I get sick, my company wants me to die.