There is a special indignity at having to swipe more than once to select your birth year. I feel like I’m on The Price is Right.

“Sometime around 35, your face starts sliding down your skull like Jerome, Arizona.” – @muellershewrote.com

I poured @muellershewrote.com a glass of rosé and… am I high? Is this glass… slanted?

Trump’s lack of public appearances is giving DAVE. I wonder if Kevin Kline is available…

I am dying over this. 😂

That’s my friend! @muellershewrote.com is on our local NBC station tonight.

Polyamorous songs would be very silly like 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘚𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘚𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘺

Make sure to check out today’s BeansTalk from @dailybeanspod.com & @muellershewrote.com, especially the Good Trouble featuring Matthew & Paul (@matthewandpaul on IG). Their books are so wonderful, please help.

It’s not a night out for cocktails with @muellershewrote unless we end up singing Billy Joel with a piano bar.

This is very distressing.

Sometimes, you just have to put this song on really loud. For therapy.

We needed this amazing weirdness.

They FLY?! I always thought they just stood there lookin' fly.

@muellershewrote.com, as we discuss the ballsmaxxing article: “I was going to go into my whole BALLS routine, but I didn’t want to BALLS shame anyone.” Caps for inflection. BALLS. 😂

Chumbus just wants to show you how woke he is.

My life motto. Twenty years ago, our friend even cross stitched it for me. It’s served me well. @muellershewrote.com

White House at Bernie’s.

Australian Pink Robin.💜

If you need a joyful start to your day, may I suggest this at an elevated volume. It’s my key to mental health.

You, too, could shit like a wannabe king.

*cough*

The discolored area on the back of Trump's right hand seems to be getting larger and approaching his fingers. This photo was taken today as he spoke to reporters in Florida. (Roberto Schmidt/Getty)

Me: Oh look, Kuchi Japanese Sushi! @muellershewrote.com: I thought you were doing a cheer! “I love kuchi! Japanese sushi!” Like, I know you’re gay, but that’s a weird song. 💀☠️

Having @muellershewrote.com over for a cheese & wine night. We had this Saint Angel triple brie and I feel like maybe I’ve seen god?

Our baby Cosmo sharing a moment with his tante @muellershewrote.com. Love. 🫶🏻

In May, I’m planning to do a lil’ booze break to lose a few pounds before it gets swamp ass hot. This means I’ll be exploring NA wines in all its hilariousness. Most suck. Let’s find some that don’t.

Katie Porter just gave a really good answer on whether law enforcement should give English proficiency tests to truck drivers on the side of the road. She dismantled Bianco’s assertion that racism and racial profiling is something people should “get over.”

Is Mercury in the microwave? None of my tech is being cool today.

Hey Bluesky. I just posted my first article on Substack. And this makes my first Bluesky post. Check it out and share it if you like Let the games begin. 🙃 www.therealmccabe.com/p/kash-patel...

The FBI Director, the DC US Attorney, and the Secretary of Defense walk into a bar. Apparently like every day.

Watching Paradise with @muellershewrote.com. Why did no one tell us (strongly enough) how DELICIOUS Japanese whisky is? WOW. Wow. 2oz Japanese whisky .25oz brown sugar syrup 2 dashes orange bitters 2 dashes ango bitters Garnish with an orange twist

Lookit my beautiful friend, @muellershewrote.com (and her objectively excellent branding 😂)

When you go nose-in on a new glass of wine to get the aromas, but your pour is too generous.

So. Tired. Why not criminals if criminal shaped?

I’ll have what Hungary’s having.

Watching middle aged women attempt to land Hot Dog & Chicken after 2 bottles of wine is my favorite thing. @muellershewrote.com @mandyreeder.bsky.social

Happy Easter. My mimosa is risen.

I found 20 quid outside the supermarket and I felt a little bit guilty as I picked it up, so because it’s Good Friday I thought to myself, “What would Jesus do?”. So I turned it into wine...

Alexa: “this is a reminder: take your wine out of the freezer!” Me: “Alexa, thank you.” Alexa: “The is the perfect amount of time to chill your white wine w/o slushing your vino or busting the glass! Enjoy that wine. Cheers!” First, thank you. Second, that’s too many words, robot woman.

I’ve been busy today, but I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge Trans Day of Visibility. Some of my deepest loves and friends are trans, and I, a staunch ally. Trans lives matter. Trans rights are human rights. And I love the dolls so goddamn much. 🏳️‍⚧️🫶🏻

Who still knows me from early 00’s? Or even earlier? I started an html only blog at joellapalooza and then became tenth-muse with Movable Type, then pMachine, then Expression Engine, then WordPress. Say hi! I might not recognize you now. ☺️

I love my Trans framily. 🏳️‍⚧️🫶🏻

Trans Day of Visibility is tomorrow. #TDOV #ProtectTheDolls

“My Demented Friend Joelle Has Thoughts” – the podcast I’ve given @muellershewrote.com permission to produce should I lose my mind first.

I'm inheriting some wine from a family friend that passed away. One of them is a 2015 Caves Saint-Pierre Châteauneuf-du-Pape Le Fiacre du Pape. I'll be pouring one out for you, Paul, but it'll have to be into my glass. 🍷🕊️

Watching a reel, the audio says “…with their company, which spans back to the 1990’s…” Spans.

I watched two lizards chase each other around my patio until the male cornered her and did a whole dance of pushups and tail shaking. She was literally like this the entire time. Word.

Nobody cares if you’re proudly staying home this Saturday, and your pouty demobilization bullshit is tired.

You only need to press you car lock button once. Just once. Beep. Just the one time. Thank you. You fucking moron.