while out today, I saw both the license plate “TUX GUY” and the license plate “SUIT GUY” in the span of 3 hours. tell me we’re not living in a simulation.

😌

no immune system, no problem 💅🏻

lol

a guy who literally had worms in his brain, which is like, the dumbest sickness ever, is now in charge of 300 million people's health, so have fun with that everyone

BREAKING: Trump has selected the Joker, Joe Rogan, Hannibal Lecter, JarJar Binks, and Janice Soprano to run his government

I absolutely love knowing that every day is just going to get worse from here on out.

just found out that I’m blocked by 10 people here and I literally can’t imagine why

just realized @pfrazee.com put a nudity label on my account for showing off my ostomy bag as punishment for being gone this last year so maybe I will retreat back to threads where my flagrant medical intervention awareness is appreciated

@illumi.meme 13 DAYS ago? I’ve been gone for like a year lol

sorry y’all, threads won. 1 million monthly views there vs… 3 likes per post here 😩 is there ANY reason to be here now?

omg I didn’t realize the app had signed me out and signed back in to a whole bunch of noties poppin off. hey y’all we back to Alf or what

I’m a google snippet 😂

crowdsourcing something here… what would you do if your direct report’s actions lost the company upwards of $30,000 in revenue?

are we still here

does this smiley face say the recognizes that we slept together for 2 months, 10 years ago, or that he has no idea who I am help me please

✨ introducing: chronic illness Barbie https://www.instagram.com/reel/CuxlULtNetE/

the most chair review there ever could be

just once can there be a recipe on a website that doesn't require me to fight my way through a forest of ads

ignoring my twitter notifications like they’re text messages

my thirst traps are performing better on threads than the things out of my brain so it really isn't much different than instagram

found out that in Zelda Breath of the Wild Link has to dress up as a girl so basically any transphobe who plays this game needs to stfu immediately

Bluesky might survive because my mom just asked if she should follow me on threads

Bluesky might survive because my mom just asked if she should follow me on threads

i have more followers on threads in 12 hours than i do here so whos gonna win

skeet threet delete

it’s a threet, right?

14 years ago I was something

I'm excited for AI to fail because it's pulling its dataset from the internet where right wing news outlets post things like "coke was found in Biden's nightgown" or "drag queen eats small child"

me welcoming all the Twitter refugees

you should probably google it, just to be sure

you can really tell who the newskies are that came via friend invite code cause they come in hot posting their ludes from the get go

saw a mom post a photo of her 2 year-old in a shirt that said "young and hungry" like are you not feeding your child?

i heard twitter has actively logged people out in the hopes of them forgetting their pw and not being able to reset to get back in imaging owning a $44b store and having your employees literally push people out of the front door then locking it and laughing at them from behind the glass brilliant

does twitter have a DNR

someone found the article

he still *today* absolutely refuses to believe Twitter is dead so what are my options here?

my fave twitter moment was when I tweeted a B list celeb on the same flight as me, he followed me back, DMd me to grab coffee with him to talk "shop", asked me on a date, then asked me to rent his vacant condo, then was arrested for voyeurism after spying on girls via cams hidden in said condo

good riddance to twitter honestly but I’ll have a conniption if Instagram goes down ngl

how much do we think invite codes are worth now

me welcoming all the Twitter refugees

it’s happening. the birds are fleeing the nest to join the sky. we did it.

where do we go to complain about bluesky not working!! nothing will load for me? my skeets won’t send? did this send?

where do we go to complain about bluesky not working!! nothing will load for me? my skeets won’t send? did this send?

my skyline is down 🫠

happy birthday to America’s hat (Canada). spending today doing the same shit I always do because I can and be grateful that I can in a country that gives me free healthcare, people always apologizing, and apparently chesterfields - though I have no idea what those are.

accidentally hit some buttons on my TV remote and ended up on a blank channel with random French noises in case you were wondering what Canada is like

wait so do we actually have to watch what we say here now?

I still have 4 invites to give to any celebrity in exchange for friendship (and that is not a euphemism for sexual favours, promise.)

just a reminder that Canadian universities cost ~$8,000/year. and we seemed to have turned out ok, so far.