Derek doesn't shit on the living room floor. We have a duty to think better of Derek, even though we just walked into the living room and Derek is squatting, pants down, over a still-steaming turd, writes Barton Swaim

Sometimes Glonzo really is chewing the wires

Springsteen's latest is nice and well produced for a short turnaround piece and should relieve a lot of musicians' imposter syndrome at least a little bit, lots of people putting out topical protest folk that is easily on par or superior

Mf'er is over here using the FBI like he used to use the National Enquirer

The libertarian friend is standing naked on the median between the two cars and is what both of them are looking so shocked about

Live your life in such a way that if your siblings are interviewed, they don't feel the need to add, unprompted, that they think you're a POS

"Huge emphasis on scoops" = "We will be first to find out why Mr. Burns's campaign has the momentum of a runaway freight train"

6-7 isn't really slang, it's more like when the kids were running around saying "my wife/very nice" to everything for a bit that being said, also, yes, every group has their in-group signifiers and they're all a little dorky, we're gonna survive this crisis

We're bringing measles back [yeah] those motherfuckers forgot why we vax [yeah] your immune system better watch its back [yeah] mumps and rubella might be next in fact [yeah] [take it to the bridge]

I just want cheap ram again so I can do absolutely dumb shit lightning fast in Ableton AI can never replace the joy of making terrible, unlistenable music yourself

Hyperinflation is sort of like student loan forgiveness but I'll say it's probably not the best way to get there

To be absolutely fair, ICE is vanishing people in broad daylight, not just at night

The train in spain flew mostly off its plane

Am I anti-gambling? I don't want to be, but also, jeeeesus f***ing christ, America.

The abyss, upon being gazed into by Stephen Miller:

bluesky is truly the poaster's posting board

My current political theory is that there's a weird strain of vampirism infecting dem PR shops that causes them to advise stupid shit like saying "I don't support abolishing ICE" and we need to find and kill the original vampire (possibly Carville just on looks, I dunno)

Of course you think disguising your plane as a civilian so you can do a sneak attack is smart and cool, you're twelve

And the award for excellence in memetic synthesis goes to...

Ron Howard Voice: "And that's when Maeby realized Bobby had been into the maca root again ..."

It would take naught but a handful of republican senators to end all of this.

Archie the Gigantic-Headed Sicko

Scrolled past a post about the opportunity for some enterprising chemist to bring back quaaludes, and in trying to find it again, have discovered that a whole lotta people think 'ludes are nekkid pictures

There are a million things wrong with the way cops are copping, but "cops routinely carrying firearms" is higher on the list than most people want to acknowledge

And don't be scared to write a new one... if you've got three chords, a guitar, and heart, you're most of the way there.

That's not how any of this works

Pretty much all the TV that I consumed as a child that wasn't, in retrospect, actively harmful to my moral and intellectual development was brought to me by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting and viewers like you.

Imagining now ST:FNG, a series that each week follows a redshirt's first few days on board, culminating in the away mission that kills them

Blocking is healthy and natural

Of course not, "Donald Ducktrine" is right there

Aspirin is a pretty cool drug! It inhibits the normal activity of cyclooxygenase (COX) enzymes that catalyze formation of pain- and inflammation-signaling prostaglandins from fatty acids (primarily arachidonic acid). Unlike some other NSAIDs, aspirin leaves a modification at the enzyme active site.

This is it, the year I either finish a phd or am finished with getting a phd, one way or another

A cruel reminder that we can, as a nation, Just Pay People To Do That If We Really Want That Done, and we're choosing "That" to include brutalizing immigrants but not taking care of children or the elderly

A study in looking constituents in the eye and promising to kill Glonzo

Daylight savings time was always stupid, you can just have seasonal hours where you need it

The Lion, the Grinch, and the Wardrobe

The bigger this failure becomes, the more likely we are heading into a future where a certain someone takes credit for making the clocks run on time

Weapons of Mass Destruction [Rx only]

It doesn't *have* to stop.... just, every time you take, say, a craft or cooking class at your local library or community center, show up to the last session in progressively more ostentatious robes and hats integrating indicia of your prior accomplishments (also, congratulations!)

In chemistry, you can at least do some math about it, but entropy's always gonna getcha no matter what scale you're working at

Watched It's a Wonderful Life with the wife last night, and one thing that was interesting is that even in the monopolized degenerate capitalist hellscape of Pottersville, there's still a Public Library.

Gotta be so very extremely clear with his constituents that the Constitution made him do it, he couldn't avoid it, he had a flat tire, no money for a cab, his tux didn't come back from the cleaners, someone stole his car, there was an earthquake, a terrible flood, LOCUSTS!

Mick's so demonic he has apparently possessed Keith Lucky us, WSJ is on the case

This is how I describe my dog's relationship with the threshold of the kitchen door during dinner preparations

The easiest wrestling match to win is one where everybody in the building teams up and doesn't let the opponent even enter the arena

I don't think that's the largest domino that's toppled, but yes.

It's second-to-last day of classes, so of course I am dutifully opening the scheduling email from 3 days before classes began to make sure I'm showing up at the correct time, as I have done nearly every day this semester

Mono courier, all caps anything more is vanity