Murray Valeriano
@murrayv.bsky.social
š¤ 4682
š„ 356
š 76
Writer. Comedian. Surfer.
Trump has been missing for the past few days, but fortunately they found him. He was in the Epstein Files.
7 months ago
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"There is no Epstein client list, but somehow Clinton is still on it." - MAGA
9 months ago
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Trump is really making gameshow hosts look bad.
10 months ago
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Trump just changed his relationship status to āItās Complicated.ā
10 months ago
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BREAKING: Elon Musk uses āKey to the White Houseā to do bumps.
10 months ago
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10 months ago
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Taco Trump: Soft shell, full of shit and the orange stuff isnāt cheese.
10 months ago
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The same MAGAts who bitch about gender and bathrooms are the same Dbags that will rush their girlfriends into the menās room at a Kid Rock concert when the womenās line is too long.
11 months ago
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When you pretend to be a Christian, pretending you donāt know anything about Bruce Springsteen or the term ā86ā is a cake walk!
11 months ago
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I remember when I worked in restaurants and I learned that when they said ā86 marinara sauceā it meant they killed the marinara sauce in the walk-in freezer. ļæ¼
11 months ago
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RFK Jr. said people should not take medical advice from him, so please, continue taking it from Joe Rogan.
11 months ago
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If youāre looking for a picture of your Mother to post today, call me.
11 months ago
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Chicago might have the Pope, but Jersey still has the best pizza.
11 months ago
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I've been in Alaska for 24 hours. I already saw a whale, an eagle and two bears.... not the animal, two big hairy gay guys in the jacuzzi.
11 months ago
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Iām remaining Easter as Roman Victory Day.
11 months ago
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Trump is remaining Veteranās Day to Gulf of American Day.
11 months ago
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I'm available to name your cat.
12 months ago
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Whatsaaaaaaaaaaap!
about 1 year ago
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Wait. Which George Foreman died? George? George? George? George? George or George?
about 1 year ago
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Wait. What if you drive a Tesla into the Capitol Building???
about 1 year ago
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FIGHT!!!!
about 1 year ago
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I wonder how Kid Rock feels about getting Ted Nugentās sloppy seconds?
about 1 year ago
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I can't believe we spent 100 million dollars to send condoms to Hamas' transgender mice.
about 1 year ago
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When are we gonna stop transgender mice from competing in sports???
about 1 year ago
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I wonder how JD Vance keeps his eyeliner from running after Trump jizzes all over his face.
about 1 year ago
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āHey guys! I got one, I got one. Watch this. Ready? Hey! Why donāt you ever wear a suit?ā (High fives all around)
about 1 year ago
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I wish Zelenskyy would have stopped him and asked him what his favorite Bible verse was.
about 1 year ago
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I know he has an incredible body of work, but nobody ever talks about Gene Hackman in The Firm. Amazing performance. RIP.
about 1 year ago
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A copy ofāThe Art of the Dealā?
about 1 year ago
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For SNL's 50th Anniversary. Here's the one thing I did for Saturday Night Live. There was an internet campaign to have Betty White host SNL. It gained a lot of momentum, so instead of doing the regular Host/Musical act on set teaser, they wanted something different.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIY3...
loading . . .
Betty White SNL Promo
YouTube video by Murray Valeriano
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIY3t7bvhIQ
about 1 year ago
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The Felon is mad because nobody will call it the Gulf of Mexico.
about 1 year ago
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Congratulations to my son for winning the Superbowl pool! I bankrolled him, so after I got my initial investment back plus 20% on top, he walked with a nice stack. Minecraft for everybody!
about 1 year ago
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If your radio station plays Led Zeppelinās Heartbreaker and does not follow it up with Living Loving Maid, I will never listen to your radio station again. ļæ¼
about 1 year ago
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Bingo. Bango. Bongo⦠and Irving.
about 1 year ago
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Steve Marriott of the band Humble Pie died on Jan 20, 1991. As of today, Steve Marriott has spent 12,045 days in the hole.
about 1 year ago
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Not that I needed validation, but watching Christians turn on a Bishop for preaching mercy makes me glad I escaped the church and all of its hypocrisy.
about 1 year ago
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I mean, if he's really that autistic, why hasn't Trump made fun of him yet?
about 1 year ago
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Normally I donāt like to name drop, but I found an old picture of when I used to hangout with Marcel from Friends. Trust me, donāt lend this guy any moneyā¦.
about 1 year ago
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The best tunes of 2024!
add a skeleton here at some point
over 1 year ago
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My wife asked for a fairytale Christmas, so I ghosted her three times.
over 1 year ago
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āThen I took her back to my place and gave her a hot frosty.ā
over 1 year ago
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I bring you gold, frankincense andā¦
over 1 year ago
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Putting together my Christmas Ska band⦠Rankin Bass
over 1 year ago
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Murray Xmas!
over 1 year ago
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Kick your new year off right! For What Itās Worth LIVE!
@jimmypardo.com
@blainecapatch.bsky.social
and Helen Hong. Get tix at
@hollywoodimprov.bsky.social
! Just $10 ⦠finally something inflation proof!
over 1 year ago
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One time I worked with a fire breather and he caught his face on fire. *I'm only posting this here because you'd be surprised by how little fire breathing comes up in conversation.
over 1 year ago
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Droppin the kids off at school.
loading . . .
Gen X dropping their kids off at school. #shorts @BeastieBoys #genx #schooldropoff #parenting
YouTube video by Murray Valeriano
https://youtube.com/shorts/jMzkYt8vctQ?feature=share
over 1 year ago
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Black Friday ticket sale! Join
@blainecapatch.bsky.social
@jimmypardo.bsky.social
and myself for just $10! Link in the comments.
over 1 year ago
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Mr. Limon, Costa Rica 2024
over 1 year ago
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Even with all the crap and division and the hate going on in this world right now, I still had hope for humanity. Then today I saw this MFāer put mayonnaise on his hot dog and realized we have no chance.
over 1 year ago
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