Kind of reads as an attempt on the part of a weird goblinlike entity that it's difficult to imagine has any sort of sexuality to appear human and relatable

Probing the seller a little, it seems they have 0 knowledge of antiques so must have used an upside down method of finding expensive things online and using the descriptions as prompts. Zero labour, v insulting.

Got an insta friend request from this seller account today 😶 All items in "private collections". It was inevitable, but actually quite shocking that... well known dealers, even historians, etc. are liking the posts

any food photography involving butter must depict it frenziedly handled by a person who's never handled butter before in their life, it's a rule

May he face a Hitchcockian, a Cronenbergian, a Pokémonian justice

The main reason I don't want to go to the moon is that it would probably mean having to have my picture taken Where's my representation

Oh I've just seen the "lost your tech job? Aw too bad. How about teaching for 1/5 the pay? Look, you won't get a better offer" govt ads. Grim.

Imagine thinking the moon is too old. No regard for heritage

Again, too plausible (perfume crowd go mad for intentionally dirty scents), but nicely done, nice concept, evocative, not just a generic flaçon- good effort

Must say I'm a little disappointed in archeology accounts. Surely this is your day to create all sorts of mischief. Are the stakes just too high?

Also, I think there should be a rule that if you've been vociferously anti genAI, you're not allowed to use it in your April Fools

The good April Fools are the really obvious ones you can nevertheless imagine nimbies taking seriously and getting angry about

Of all the birds in bush or tree Commend me to the owl something something something something about a trowel? A growl? Afoul?

Antiques trade captured by woke snowflake propaganda

probably doesn't quite fit the description but I remember hearing someone read The Legend of the Sleepers at a party when I was 12ish and it sparking a realisation that, it might be worth reading beyond what was shoved in my direction

IS IT tho

Released from hospital, I meet the giddiest American tourists on the way home, all rosy and healthy and wanting to know how easy it is to climb to the hillfort. Extremely serious hiking gear, carrying 3 days' worth of water and bivvy bags etc. Somehow I think they were expecting bigger hills.

Orcadians: remember Peter Andre. Contain your desires. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

I was told by Hillary Clinton that the reason younger liberals don't like Israel is because they didn't learn about Camp David on TikTok

Had I spare body fat, I'd happily sign a consent form for it to be repurposed as a b/moob job, on the agreement that i get to haunt the recipient, Hammer horror style, through rogue pectoral movements

I *am* in favour of an influencer charge. Tripod? Selfie stick? Tongue out? £200

Entry charge for London museums is a bad idea. 1. Being about to wander in and out, to look at one thing or another, on a whim, is one of the things that makes London wonderful. Having to "get your money's worth" because you've paid a fee clogs up the museums and makes for a tedious experience

Common People by P*lp, final and eternal answer, a jinx and a pox on anyone who would defy me

Writing a children's book with a friend I found on the ward. Either it's going to be the best children's book ever or it's the morphine

The Undercover Policing Inquiry's questioning of Special Demonstration Squad officers ends with perhaps the most repellant, scary one of all. Officer HN18 Robert Hastings has been shouting at the women in the public gallery who've been abused by other #spycops www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5ch...

Incidentally, they don't let you give blood if you're <50kg- I've never been allowed. So, don't go along all Tony Hancock thinking you'll get free tea and biscuits

I know I should never click. But there's an absolutely sociopathic level of vitriol on display here. Imagine telling someone how much you despise them, and then asking them to offer their blood

How the other alf live ay

Look at this man's haircut and tell me which party he represents

Right, listen yeah, so many sites' mobile versions are awfully designed, fields and buttons hidden off screen etc. Also big payments often involve security texts/verification apps-- smartphones *will lose your place* in your transaction when click through or minimise/ maximise interfaces etc.

Glued to this capybara saga; I want her freedom but also her safety. I note that Marwell Zoo doesn't appear to have capybara spa facilities rivalling its international counterparts-- perhaps this is the issue/key to luring her back www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

It's Akira Kurosawa's birthday, so in honour of that, as always, here is that picture of him visiting the set of Kindergarten Cop

I'd swear I just saw a BBC segment on Iran with two anonymous "British Iranian" callers, talking about how much they want their country to be bombed, one of them comparing the regime to a "cancer" that Iranians must endure the necessary "chemotherapy" of Israel/US bombing to obliterate

Having said that, this was worse

Everyone's answers to this seem awfully... age appropriate. Things that spring to mind for me are stuff like Phantasm 2, or that Tales from the Crypt episode where Bobcat Goldthwait puts his hand in a blender

I'm definitely being Elgar spammed at the moment. But anyway, yes, definitely haunted, willing to chip into collective purchase for seances/retreats, can put in £5 share.google/lefniSNx1Has...

I don't trust people with navy walls. No offence, like.

ONLY three people possibly four in the world get to address me like this. The absolute impudent familiarity

I know, much bigger population, different landscape now, different contingencies etc. but this feels like tangible evidence that we once had governments-or a housing provider class-that didn't quite despise the poor as much as they do now

Here's a guy you can count on not to use LLMs. Pure human authenticity here

The phrase "suicidal empathy" keeps surfacing in my brain like Nosferatu's shadow, whenever I see anything/one vulnerable or suffering, or I'm dealing with medical bureaucracy, etc. It really has captured the zeitgeist in a terrifying way.

I thought *our* head of state was embarrassing *us* but Takaichi Sanae, gotta hand it

I do find it fascinating that an app can now distinguish between several distant and very similar bird sounds clustered amid the traffic and sirens and STILL no bank/energy company's helpline IVR can understand me when I speak my most perfect queen's bleedin English *Is* this an intentional gap?

I'm a big believer in tradition, being a provider, I'm a man's man, I'm an old fashioned man, I'm a traditional man I'm a social media manager who goes to the gym 12x a week and has "live your truth" tattooed under each nipple

Shouldn't have attempted Of Grammatology at 22 tbh

Went outside to see what all the racket was about, and it was this warbler guy again. Always there, always loud, but never visible. Coming round here, shouting the odds

If Iran hadn’t been flaunting their sexy, sexy oil reserves this might not have happened.

Simply cannot get that Afroman song out of my head. Let this be a lesson to law enforcers everywhere

When I was 18 my thing was obsessively scratch editing VHSs of Hollywood films, finding the best transition shots, printing them into incompatible papers with a little deskjet printer, then blowing up the runny images about 500x and making these big Richter-style paintings, since destroyed with fire

Now there's only one acceptable way of doing this, and it's budget friendly