I told my exceedingly smart 19-year-old nephew the other night to reject the metaphor of the human brain as a computer. I’m sure that sounds especially insane/nonsensical to someone so young, but (and?) I got almost emotional saying it.

Guys what if we all just admitted quinoa tastes like bird cage gravel

Our big orange cat had to go to the emergency vet for a bunch of scary gastrointestinal tests that turned out to be nothing and the formal diagnosis was "dietary indiscretion" so feel free to use that phrase as needed next time you eat a bunch of ranch dressing off a picnic table

I am such a hardcore "one foot outside the covers" sleeper that when they build my coffin I'm gonna need one of y'all to cut a hole in the bottom

New blog post about my favorite book of doodles! “In which a 16th century monk flips me off, and we all pick out our next tattoos.” www.folger.edu/blogs/collat...

one time I had a big fat bobtail cat who used to love to eat Nilla Wafers so yeah, my 20s were pretty awesome

Heads up there is a new Netflix documentary called TRAINWRECK POOP CRUISE and yes it is as fantastic as it sounds

Soundtrack for today. #NoKings

[Exit Clown.]

So much for my screenplay, "Gay Science Vegans" starring Pedro Pascal and a librarian

But... Her emails?

What's up, I'm sad and angry so I decided to come back here and see how all my friends are doing

I sent you the war plans that were in the group chat and which you were probably saving for select eyes Forgive me they were juicy and and I was shitfaced

If only we a had a 900 page document in our hands a year ago that said they were going to do this!

Bluesky settings question: biggest reason I don't spend more time here is i HATE scrolling down to read my feed. Can I set this app like old Twitter, so you scroll UP to read new stuff? (When you get to top, you know you're done w your feed.) Thx for tips

Best thing I ever learned from the internet was that lady on Instagram who said "you don't need a medical reason, you can just use your heating pad recreationally"

The Spousal Unit works in procurement and I am here to tell you that logistics and purchasing nerds are tearing their hair out rn. Trump's gonna destroy your ability to live safely by handing out corrupt contracts with no oversight. Say goodbye to reliable roads, bridges, food, durable goods, etc.

What do i do with the 3 dozen stale gingerbread men leftover from Christmas, bad ideas only

People who didn't do the reading in 8th grade have entered the chat

On this app I am learning that basic political terms I learned as a hungover undergrad are apparently too fancy now

Today the spousal unit tried to tell me he's easy like Sunday morning so I had to regretfully inform him he's actually complicated like Wednesday mid-afternoon

A good sign that you live in the Northwest is when the local camping outfitter store has a sign out front that says "at Christmas, a ukulele in the right hands always gives back"

When someone says "I don't feel safe in X location/ activity" 95% of the time what they actually mean is "I am afraid of poor people/ minorities"

The worst thing about working in education is dealing with meddlesome conservatives AND liberals who don't work in education yet still think they know better than me how education should work

For the love of god (and cinematography) turn this function off on your tv

Reply settings: ⚪️ Everybody ⚪️ Nobody ⚪️ Mentioned users ⚪️ Followed users 🔘 People who read the article

Ok but it took me so many years to build my little 5k follower list on the other place, how do I get y'all to like me

sorry to people heartbroken today but for the record some of us did spend the last 15 yrs trying to tell y'all Cormac McCarthy was trash

Who can I talk to about changing the date of Thanksgiving, it's really messing with my course prep

Writing prompt:

Everybody is so well behaved, who am I supposed to yell at

The Spousal Unit is getting his hair cut at some place in Idaho called THE MAN SHOP where they give you free beer and haircuts are $20 so now I genuinely think I have to murder him

Man do I hate chairs. Sitting is so stupid. Let me go for a walk or let me lie down, stop asking me to bend things

A lot of what y'all keep calling a "Tiny House" is very much a regular sized house

Today I learned that cats have a blind spot directly in front of their noses and I think it's because they're Murder Floofs and science/ god didn't want them to be able to see their own terrible crimes

Ok who are the best people to follow here? I'm accustomed to Algonquin Round Table-level snark so give me your best vicious circle/ leading light recs

Welp, guess I'll hang out here now

Did I win fat bear week

We have been bootlegging a lot of New Zealand TV shows this weekend so naturally The Spousal Unit just referred to his fit bit as "my Futt Butt."

A fun thing to do to spice up your marriage is to move from a 3 bathroom house in Appalachia to a 1 bathroom apartment in Idaho and then eat a bunch of crab dip for lunch

Controversial opinion: Lisbon is a far more romantic city than Paris. (Because Paris sucks.) Fight me.

Can't wait to block my in-laws on this app

“Are you okay?” “No. Why? Did I seem okay before?”

Shampooed the living room rug today and now my whole body hurts. I am not the woman I was in my youth.

I'M HERE where's the shrimp buffet