Watching an LP of my beloved GABRIEL KNIGHT 2: THE BEAST WITHIN, thinking about its lack of cell phones and internet. He depends on snail mail and he has to travel all over Munich to answer questions he could Google in a few seconds now. He needs his LAWYER to translate A RECEIPT.

WHATS UP YOU WET MOTHERFUCKERS

Just found out that my Little Nephew’s romantic rival is an Asian design major

I can’t believe the makers of CALIFORNIA DICKHEADS had the butts to use “The Final Countdown.” I thought we had all agreed to retire it after ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT.

Learning Canva for my handler, got so bored my whole computer froze

Happy Nursing Home Residents Enjoy A Game Of Cards, Unaware JD Vance Has Entered the Room

Just remembering the time he was like look I has teh bibble and he held it up backwards and upside down

AT _LEAST_ ONE PERSON ON THIS WEBSITE GOT DRUNK AT A BULLS GAME WITH THE POPE AT SOME POINT AND WE NEED YOU TO DROP A LINE RIGHT NOW

We lost people on that suicide run!” yells Sam, The Smart One #SPN

Everyone please welcome CBS News Immigration Analyst Viktor Orban.

Someone has an allergy but it’s not important. Someone needs an inhaler but it’s not important. Someone is on SSRIs but it’s not important. And best of all: someone has a coughing fit but they just have a cold.

i'm trying to do my madcap pranks and merry jests but people keep tellin me to fuck right off with that shit

Just saw a movie where there's a flashback to blood dripping down the side of a bathtub but it isn't suicide. Happy birthday to me! I feel greedy asking for more, but now: a movie where the lady throws up unexpectedly but she isn't pregnant.

And Matt Frewer as Pestilence. TV’s Trashcan Man! #SPN

RT to give 70s kids PTSD

The Rise and Fall of Misery Memoirs is NOW OUT on YouTube! Come learn about trauma, Satan, a two-decades-long scam, and the most insane chaotic good lawyer I have ever heard of. youtu.be/W8Nhvr1X8Kc?...

Somebody on FB is mad at me for thinking it’s funny to call your honky tonk NUDIES, like, I don’t care if it’s named after somebody, they owe me an apostrophe then, excuse me for living, it’s NUDIES.

Candy axe-whacked this woman 41 times in self-defense

Love when Candy gets herself all whorey for Pablo Schreiber but her glow up excludes her gigantic glasses and bowling ball perm

Watching CANDY (the true crime miniseries), endlessly distracted by this couple’s three cars. They aren’t wealthy, nobody’s got one as a hobby, the third one’s not a camper or anything, they just… have three cars.

Oh shit man, it’s TV’s Michael Shanks, best known as Daniel off STARGATE: SG-1! #SPN

JP says THANKSgiving and JA says thanksGIVING #SPN

“This is 4th of July, 1996!” he cried, surrounded by bare trees. #SPN

I don’t want to tell Death how to live, but there was definitely an easier way to kill Bobby than raising all the dead people in Sioux Falls to go reunite with and ultimately murder their families. Like… you’re an omnipotent being, bro, he’s a drunk dude in a wheelchair. #SPN

I miss being anxious about terrible things that were probably never going to happen instead of terrible things that are being actively scheduled to happen aaaaah good times

With support from major publishing houses, New York Community Trust, and author David Baldacci, PEN America is developing a U.S. Author Safety Program to help protect writers facing harassment and threats in retaliation for their work, their identities, and their advocacy: pen.org/press-releas...

BIG MISTAKES reminds me of THE LAKE in that I didn't mind it but I wouldn't be surprised or disappointed if it didn't get another season, and if it did, I wouldn't know till the new one showed up on my feed, and then I'd be like "huh!" and watch it.

Morgan has been with this guy for SEVENTEEN YEARS and she's never once guessed that his family are criminals? FFS, he gave her an engagement ring worth more than her college tuition and we're never told if he even has a paper route.

Right? He was that guy who hated his life because of cold symptoms.

Okay I have definitely seen this mob boss in, like, a long-running ad for Neo Citran. #BigMistakes

God, I was just thinking about how they better be using American-made steel to build the illegal ballroom that sucks

All I want to do is get fucky on reefer and Domaine D’Or and watch LORD OF ILLUSIONS on directors cut

I get that he’s trying to differentiate himself from David Rose here but giving Dan Levy small, sensible hair should be criminalized. #BigMistakes

Okay but why does his shiner look like he got it on THE goddamn LITTLE RASCALS? Is that the bit? #BigMistakes

I know we’re living in the fuckass stoopid weasel timeline now but it’s still so funny to me that Melonio is out here denying ties to Epstein even though nobody asked her, it’s very “whatever you do, don’t look in the closet”

The actress who plays Daisy on #TheTestaments almost convinced me that she was Canadian, or American, but then she said “Sadan” instead of “Satan” and I was like hello again IMDb. Even people who say “thenk yo” for “thank you” pronounce Satan with a T, babby.

Maaaaan, what the heck, nobody buys Ferrero Rocher for the TASTE. Squares?! You buy it because the ridiculous packaging makes it seem much fancier than it is and you didn’t know what to get that guy for Secret Santa.

This guy on #TheBoys just said “Rotty Ts.” When someone said it on BARRY I let myself believe nobody was really saying it, but now..?

I mean I know it’s not a documentary but it’s weird to me that the prison camp on #TheBoys is so much nicer than the real ones are.

10/10 thesauri to THE BRIDE! It is so so so my jam.

At the diner today I was like was this place on the show with that lady who ran a sex cult? but then I was like no man, it was on the one with the lady who said not being allowed to leave the country during quarantine was like being in prison. Sex cult lady was on SMALLVILLE, foo.

Watching JUDGE JUDY, a girl is suing a classmate over a bad yearbook photo. The defendant’s friend has a distinctive name so I googled him: now he’s a gay would-be congressional Democrat who’s super green and runs a weed dispensary.

Netflix’s recommendations because I liked SEX AND THE CITY: THE MOVIE are basically “I guess you’ll watch fuckin’ ANYTHING.”

I guess we're just waiting around to see if this demented psychopath kills everyone: defector.com/i-guess-were...

Hello 911 please help, I’m accidentally listening to one of those TAKE MAH HAND Wisdom Rock songs once clowned upon by Conan O’Brien and Patton Oswalt. (“Oh, fuck off,” I paraphrase, “you’re 23, in two years you’ll be working at a hardware store.”)

extremely bad time for an astronaut to find out he's a werewolf

not many people know this but the lyrics to the murder she wrote song go like this [piano and strings] I'm gettin' Jiggy with Murder She Wrote I-i'm gettin' jiggy, gettin' jiggy, gettin' jiggy yeah. 2x [With brass] I'm gettin' jiggy I'm gettin' jiggy jiggy with JB Fletcher (that's right) 2x