one day they're gonna require IDs to prove you're not a bot

cold leftover pasta

bought train and hotel tickets for Rust week even though I love not being in tech anymore

windrose and wine time bitches. we're going pirating.

I simply don't read replies

Went to the Vagina Museum then next door for a "Chicago Italian beef" on focaccia, and, well

my followers would never

we need journalists in the sense that there aren't any left

One steamed egg and three entirely raw, please

farting like the beginning of Beyonce's Formation

some are calling it the dustiest mirror in London

adding more and more words to my mutelist until my timeline is pristine and empty and peaceful

gonna start asking straight couples "who's your friend?"

posting is a war crime

Every trans woman gets one superpower and mine is waking up with perfect bed-head

Finally found all our Tupperware lids 9 months after moving countries

holy shit my tamale steaming basket getting picked up by the induction on a steel pot has got to be one of the top five worst sounds I've ever heard

i simply never read posts

I have 5,842 photos of my younger dog

I know I'm old because I remember last time baggy clothes came around and it sucked then too

to our valued employees: you're all fired

who clocks the watchmen?

all my socks are dirty

estrogen, it's my wife and it's my life

2026 is all, "I hope my computer isn't funding a holy war"

let's just fast-forward to 2030 I don't care if I'm 44 just get the 2020s done and over with

i wish they wouldn't have opened ai

socially transitioning into an absolute bitch

gosh, the sexy pineapple really does save your curls when you sleep on them

you'd think the president and the pope would get along as they both protect a cabal of pedos

goddamnit why is Peaches playing London on a Monday when I have guitar lessons

kinda wanna post a dog reveal

my wife and I are arguing about Cher's hair in moonstruck, keeping us up on a school night

the real reactionary right was trump getting elected a couple days after my bottom surgery

the bbc says terrible shit about trans people because none of us have a tv license

you will never make me like the pope

cooking black beans with homemade vegetable stock and dried chilis is outstanding

craving ramen

I have to poo and go to a house party so guess I'm gonna be that guest

getting a revision (marsupial pouch)

starting to get arthritis symptoms in my fretting hand

polyamorous people never wear cotton

had a nightmare about fighting an alligator while swimming to keep it distracted from our younger dog

god I miss new york. london just isn't as cool. or beautiful. the bridges aren't even all that tall.

they're not drone strikes, they're vibe bombings

Walked out of my local to two banker wankers out front, with one saying to the other "this is probably the wokest pub in the area", and felt a great sense of achievement

rustweek needs an unemployed loser price tier

The Fallow boys have done it again