Rip to my boyfriend who had no idea he planned our vacation on Wicked weekend

Maybe Zohran Mamdani is giving me a tiny glimmer of hope about life, the world, and everything?

Bill Ackman gotta be on the third draft of a tweet longer than Middlemarch right now

Holy shit that felt good

The existence of this photograph (which is a real photo of a real person at a Mamdani campaign event) is enough to establish for me that voters writ large have absolutely no grasp of what policy is or how any given policy impacts their lives. It's all vibes.

Terrified of turning this baseball game on again tonight

daylight saving time the moment you start feeling halfway decent about life

Slutty costumes are out, I’m going as the Steeler’s Monday night outfit for Halloween

I miss when we all used to change our names to spooky things on twitter during October

I’m so tired of dating in SF

If there’s not a Partiful for it I’m simply not coming

Jokingly told the guy I’m seeing that 20 day anniversaries were really important to me 🥲

It’s decorative gourd season, motherfuckers

Group chats in SF be like

taking Tylenol just to feel something (autistic)

I love playing adult musical chairs, aka picking a random window seat on an 11 hour flight and hoping none of my coworkers pick the same row

Mattress shopping as a single person is such a humiliating experience lmao

I have decided to become a single issue California voter and that issue is motorcycle lane splitting

You’re an adult, you can literally just leave work and go to the beachfront Taco Bell and hang out with the baby blackbirds whenever you want

Ya’ll mind if I leave this bird here?

Packing up my mom’s house and just found this letter she wrote to her mom when she was 8 😭😭😭

Do you know where fish store their clothes? Shelves

I want to like it so bad but I can’t

Being in your 30s is getting mail about tax reporting for an IRA you don’t ever remember opening

Just did a rewatch of the Twilight Saga with my gen z roommate and am on such high getting to tell them the lore of how someone leaked Stephenie Meyer’s 5th book so she stopped publication. They had no idea, I feel so old and wise

Heard this platform was Cats Only

Sometimes I think I’d make a good girlfriend but then I remember that one time my bf texted me an internal memo from a Stanford leadership group and forgot to tell me not to tell anyone for like four hours and by the time he did I already had it published in the New York Times

Delighting me to no end that we’re all here and not Threads

finally hitting my stride and settling into the year, just in time for the colossal hand of daylight saving to come fuck my shit up

I think I like it over here more tbh

Gm bsky

girls don't forget to make yourself a little treat today little treats are so important for survival

Dang, already lost a follower

I feel like a bag of crumbs

About to start posting all the bangers I wrote on Twitter that got <2 likes in the last decade as if I just thought of them

Just found out my favorite crow account is active on here, so I will be staying

I love the lil scavenger hunt I’ve made for the people who care about seeing my shitposts. It’s like, which social media will I be addicted to this week? Who knows!

if you make a second account for yourself with your first invite you will have two accounts in two weeks. make two more accounts and you will have four accounts in four weeks. eight accounts in six weeks. keep doing this and you will have 67,108,864 accounts in a year #grindset

I lasted all of 48 hours before I had to block that one person already, we are so back baby

Apparently bsky has a hard-coded cool kids club 🤔