In things I never thought I’d have to do, I need to retitle my upcoming book, which is a quote from a Stephen King novel, because Stephen King is writing a novel with the same title.

Trump is a lot like coal. He’s loud, smelly, dangerous to workers, emanates a foul cloud, and is a relic of the past.

Trump’s ratings are so low that it literally broke the polling company.

US Olympic Curling Team member speaks out against ICE: "I'm proud to represent Team USA. But we'd be remiss if we didn't mention what's going on in Minnesota and what a tough time it's been. What's happening is wrong. There's no shades of gray."

What’s really great about this is that if you catch The Running Man with your Ring cam, Richard Dawson will allow your family up to 2000 credits in your food allotment this month!

Here's that Ring #SuperBowl commercial:

Yeah, man, I understood about 1 word in 8 of Bad Bunny’s set. Instead of getting pissed off about it, it made me want to try to learn the other 7 words I missed.

“Turning Point had 5 million views! Take that, you fucks!” “The Puppy Bowl had 13 million viewers. And those performers were less likely to piss and shit and whine on the stage.”

Bad Bunny - does the entire set in Spanish. - on a set that replicates Puerto Rico - featuring a couple same sex sets of people grinding - and gives his Grammy to Liam Conejo Ramos - and then shouts out America. ALL THE AMERICAS. I just felt so many racists explode. I hope this killed Trump.

Every time I think I understand the rules of curling, I am quickly proven wrong. I’ll see them make a shot and think “Incredible shot!” And the announcers go “Oh, what a terrible lay, that’s going to leave them a chance to score 3.”

I can only assume the subtitles on the NBC broadcast are being done by AI because they are astonishingly incorrect.

Now Trump is going to put a 600% tariff on spaghetti. Only he’s going to pronounce it “pasketti.”

THIS. This is what I want. All our athletes get cheered and welcomed. And the assholes get assholed. I hope a fucking luge Final Destination’s his goddamn oversized head.

Please, dear sweet baby Jesus who lives six miles above us in heaven. Please let the entire audience at the Olympic opening ceremonies boo Rubio and Vance so loudly that it causes both their eyes and ears to bleed.

WHAT FUCKING GORILLAS ARE IN THE FUCKING LION KING? BITCH, THAT AIN’T RAFIKI.

I did it. I finished the second Twenty Sided Die collection. Took me over a decade. But they’re done. I gotta find an editor and beta readers. But they are fucking done. And I really like them. You have no idea how big a deal for me this is. I thought I was done forever. Holy shit, they’re done.

I was riding my bronco through Target as real men do looking to purchase jerky making equipment because I’m not some namby-pamby college woke. I came across a sad looking lady in a business suit and American flag tie, weeping in front of the sporting equipment. She looked up at me, tearfully. /1

Once again, the French have to come to America’s rescue to help threw off our mediocre monarchy.

BREAKING: Punxatawney Phil sees his shadow, predicts more winter, shouts FUCK ICE at today’s ceremony.

It really is true. If Trump puts his name on anything, it almost immediately fails and goes out of business.

Just finished Issue 3. It’s such a bizarre delight. This weird amalgam of Our Town and Mad Max. I have no idea where it’s going but I’m here for the ride.

I’m pretty sure every actor from the heyday of SCTV is somehow enshrined in legendary greatness and we all love their performances and genuinely grieve their passing. And now we have to say goodbye to Catherine O’Hara. It’s tragic to lose her but damn, what a flawless run.

Typing on the Department of Homeland Security tab on here brings up a screen that looks like this. That’s doesn’t seem suspicious at all. AT ALL.

w/ alt-txt

I will fucking repeat it again. Before you impeach anyone. You need to pass a law that presidential pardons can be overturned by a 2/3s majority like a veto. Then you need to clean house. Because that fuckstick already has pardons lined up for all of them.

How soft this is. How weak. No calls for abolishment, no plan, no nothing but a slogan, and a weak slogan at that. It’s gormless, spineless, unready for not just this moment but unready for the last ten years.

Where is the fucking line? The citizens are screaming someone stop this. Do something! The politicians are screaming someone stop this. Do something! It’s awesome that we’re all planning on this massive reckoning in a year or so. But at this rate we’ll all be fucking dead.

“They’re making a new Masters of the Universe movie!” Well, okay. Man, that last one was a real shitshow. They can probably do some really great— “With Jared Leto as Skeletor!” Welp, back to hell with you, Eternia.

Big Big Naturals

The Safdie brothers and the Bronstein family are having a hell of good morning, let me tell you.

Explanation Of Board Game Rules Peppered With Reassurances That It Will Be Fun https://theonion.com/explanation-of-board-game-rules-peppered-with-reassuran-1819579569/

How the fuck does anyone trust America at all after this? Trump’s a lunatic demented fuck but the Congress and Supreme Court are just permitting this. And who the fuck cares if Dems take back Congress and clean house? Because what happens if this happens again every 2 years? We are fucking cooked.

Oh good. It’s the worst possible NFL Playoff bracket.

I self-published my older stuff through Lulu, and I’d rather see if I can find a better alternative. I don’t like the look of the finished product. Is there a better option? Would really love one that allows me to post digital versions on multiple sites as well. #BookSky

I’ve been hesitant to write or publish anything because I felt like my voice is no longer viable. Nobody wants to hear from a straight white guy and I’ll just get torn up and eviscerated. But if fucking AI is going to shit out books then why the fuck shouldn’t I?

Before they impeach any of them, they need to pass a law that presidential pardons should be able to be negated by Congress the same way a veto can be. Then impeach. Then prosecute.

Okay. The new year begins today. *stares into the howling abyss* ….shit.

I went to go watch the original Knives Out on Netflix, who produced it. It’s not there. It’s only available on Amazon Prime. Nothing but absolute confidence in how they’ll work with the HBO Max catalog. Fuuuuuuuck.

I get that we Americans have a history of rallying together during times of war, especially during terrorist attacks. But, yeah. Not when WE are the terrorists. Fucking impeach the motherfuckers.

Decided to watch The Residence on Netflix. Why the fuck was this not a bigger deal? Why the fuck did this get cancelled?

Doubt that I’m gonna knock out any more reads by tomorrow night, so I’m calling it. I read 131 books this year. That’s 5 books every two weeks. And somehow my kindle is still over 1000 books. Good problems.

Every year we try to do a Feast of the Seven Fishes and sushi always makes it happen. There were at least seven, definitely double digits.

Called it.

So what time do we think they are not going to release the Epstein files? Not 5 pm? Not by 8 pm? Not by midnight?

Congrats to President Kennedy. Hopefully President Trump will be joining you very, very soon.

It’s going to take decades to scrub the filth of this fucking presidency from our nation. And even then, most of the damage can never be undone.

“Welcome back to the Oscars on YouTube. Paul Thomas Anderson challenged us with his black comedy One Battle After Another. Now you can challenge your friends to one battle after another with brand new DLC for Call of Duty, coming this March. Now, our In Memoriam, sponsored by Tombstone Pizza.”

Yeah, hey, that’s fucking awesome that they decided to possibly extend the ACA breaks and that they did it well after the fucking deadline to register for your plan. This better come with the motherfucking ability to fucking resubmit applications for fucking 2026 or it’s tits on a lawnmower.

Indiana standing up and chanting “We’re better than Ohio! We’re better than Ohio!” And they are not wrong.