yeah why won't the economy grow by uh *checks notes* 7.6 trillion a year

if any of y'all happen to run into January 2025 me, tell him to stop fucking around and put away the Christmas lights correctly

this isn't just a simple recrop that went awry - in the aired version the crew men and hose have been digitally edited out, so they obviously remastered the wrong version

lotta people saying this house has too many bathrooms, as if there's a correct number of bathrooms for a house that has no front door

more like HalliGAN'T amirite

All of Bluesky this morning:

well, that's enough Internet for today!

Trump meeting is even funnier when you picture JD Vance getting redder and redder as he watches

t-shirt, questions, etc

*clears throat* *taps mic* littoral nazis

My “my 17 references to George Soros aren’t political” footnote is raising a lot of questions answered by my footnote.

computer, enhance

Trump Take Fusilli

deal to re-open government reached after Lucy promises to hold the football for real this time

AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED

permanent layoffs of federal workers is not the appropriate response to a temporary lapse in appropriations

Donald trump can still win the Nobel Peace prize if Mike Pence has the courage

everything is on fire these days, sure, but how is it that 50% of all news stories are not about how I just spent $20 on a bag of store brand coffee at fucking costco

if "we took the freedom of speech away" doesn't lead every Democratic campaign ad for the rest of time, what are we even doing here

sorta weird that the thing he thinks is "wrong" is the amount of payment to the hospital, not the lack of treatment for the patient, right?

the first rule of a successful undercover operation is, tell everyone you're going to be doing an undercover operation

summoning all my most senior employees from around the world so they can sit in the same room together and see with their own eyes how enfeebled and incapable of leading them I am

dude needs to get his ass kicked by a female servicemember pronto

look I'm not saying we should trust his medical advice but this HEPATITAS thing sounds legit scary

dementia? yeah, I'm gonna go with dementia.

literally cannot tell if she is doing a bit

jimmy fallon should cancel his show in solidarity and also because it sucks

comedy is legal again (terms and conditions apply)

i saw goody proctor making inflammatory posts about charlie kirk

I mean... minnesotareformer.com/briefs/haged...

if you ask me the clearest sign that Kirk truly contributed to the country's civil discourse is how immediately anyone who is mildly critical of him is silenced

waaaaaaait a second

tHaTs NoT tRuMPs SiGnAtUrE

what a humiliating way for don jr. to find out his dad sends birthday cards.

Venus de Pedo

SCOTUS: considering race as one factor in a college applicant's file is blatantly unconstitutional ALSO SCOTUS: considering race as one factor in targeting whom to detain and deport is cool cool cool

fuckin Falcons, man

uh oh

[extremely rockapella voice] Where. In. New York. Is…

this is like Trump taking a share of your home's equity in exchange for sending you your Social Security check

well if the child sex trafficker whose life is Donald Trump's hands says Donald Trump is innocent I guess that settles it. can't ask for a more credible character witness.