Whole Foods with HOTTOGO in my headphones is a vibe

I’ve already walked 130 miles this year.

It feels like it’s already been five years of 2026.

Might post, “you all went from ‘I need guns to protect me from a tyrannical government’ to bending over and taking it in the rear from a tyrannical government” on Twitter.

When you tell a CEO’s PSD that they need to lighten up and not look so f*cking obvious.

I want to meet someone named Kermit just so I can say, “like the frog?”

Aldrich Ames died. Like I needed an excuse to drink tonight.

That “thank goodness 2025 is over” feeling lasted forty eight hours.

There’s some “attorneys” that would get their clients sent to death row for a parking ticket.

TIL that “that’s what she said” doesn’t translate well to people from Kenya.

Does he still get the FIFA peace prize if we go to war?

Idk @nytimes.com, is it a good idea to have inexperienced and unqualified diplomats?

Does anyone know where Tim Kennedy is?

Remember folks, any car can become an all terrain vehicle as long as it’s not yours.

@alexzfinley.bsky.social I’m sure this is fine.

Big if true.

In the first round, Pompeo was using State Department employees as “Uber Eats with guns” and now we have Patel using FBI agents as Uber drivers. Everything is flat.

Waiting for the administration to tell me it’s cool to make toast in my bathtub.

I did not have Rep Tim Burchett from Tennessee growing a backbone and speaking out on my bingo card.

This is the real Odyssey

Since when was 1) Poland involved in Venezuela and 2) did Poland get the B2?

So far we have Sicario and Clear and Present Danger. Bets to what movie they watch and try to bring to real life?

Just had someone tell me that Ukraine should just submit because Russia is already the most sanctioned nation on earth. Idk what’s worse, the first part of the belief in sanctions actually being a useful tool.

I thought that Veep saying “anyone who likes turkey is full of sh*t” had to be a joke. Just saw the video. Meteor 2028.

“Send lawyers, guns, and money”

Why did they bother translating the Ukraine “peace deal” out of the original Russian? Utter horseapples.

How many likes for this hero and his famous country star girlfriend?

When I die, I want a moped rider to DoorDash my remains.

Have reached the point that I root for baseball players because I can remember their dads playing as a kid.

Heck yeah! findhelp.org

If anyone is going hungry because SNAP benefits have been “delayed”, this site lists restaurants that will give a meal if you need one mysnapmap.com

Twitter continues to be a cesspool of echoes.

“Enjoy every sandwich.”

Tag your consulting buddies.

It took me an hour to drive nine miles this morning. Ask me anything.

Wanna kill a British person? Send this to them.

Our friend is at an education conference in Chicago. The school went into lockdown because folks were outside. Can we just go back to the way things were?

New Hampshire is really embracing that “or die” part of their motto.

There’s a guy walking a giant rabbit on a leash with a stroller with another bunny in it

@haillemmy.bsky.social this absolutely slaps

Folks celebrating July 4th but complaining about October 18th without realizing that the Fourth is the OG No Kings day.

“Fox News turned our parents generation into what they thought video games would turn us into.”

“Siri, give me the Cliff Notes version of Christopher Columbus.”

Harrison Butker kicked the ball so far left that it missed the safety netting. If he keeps kicking like this, he’s gonna find himself without a job.

Not to brag but Jane Goodall did not say that she’d launch me into space.

If the government is shut down, does that mean ICE is no longer deporting people?

They used to have adult strollers. THEY USED TO HAVE ADULT STROLLERS

Bots are now tagging people’s posts on Threads with “this person is a suspected member of a terrorist group known as Antifa. Please report any comments they make.”

If autism has existed since the beginning of time, and paracetamol has existed since the 1850s- does this mean that the ancients made it first and the knowledge was lost until modern times? Think about it sheeple.

I’m sorry- but wearing a tuxedo with a belt?!