Hmm. 11 minutes streaming, then my PC froze. Not sure why.

well... since I lost my insurance i lost my Wegovy prescription. I'm back up to 177.4 from the 166 I'd been hovering around with the 0.5 (3rd) dose. Tried increasing to the 1.0, 4th dose a while back, but the side effect hit me like a truck at that dose.

youtu.be/8f2gP55jjjo @delilahbon.bsky.social follow this lady. do it. you won't regret. I mean, looks like she doesn't use bsky anymore.... but follow her on youtube! and facebook! maybe she's on x, iunno!

i'm being torn apart by my desire to stream again because i fucking need money... &my autism. Because i have an ultrawide. it's an immense hassle to try streaming with a 5120x1440 monitor. To try & get a game to behave in a 2560x1440 window, AND be captured... I CAN turn my monitor into 2x 2560x1440

i know i'm blitzo, but i don't know how to change on my own. i'm lonely, and i know i need to go out and meet people... but i can't do that by myself. i need a friend to be an anchor for me. keep me stabilized. and i don't have any of those around me. i thought i did when i moved out here...

Adobe is killing Animate! Oh no! It's a good thing I have this trial version of Adobe Master Collection CS4 that is totally legal to share to download that has absolutely nothing to do with this image, nor would typing in a certain number during install convert it into a full version, not at all.

2026: The concentration camps don't INTEND to kill the (illegally detained) prisoners. The deaths are merely a by-product of neglect, rampant disease, inhumane conditions, refusal to provide medical care, beatings, retribution, and transfer to foreign torture prisons and third world war zones.

You know why I don't reach out to 988? Because this isn't talking to a person. This is talking to a script. I wouldn't be surprised if it was fucking ChatGPT on the other end of this.

burdenburdenburdenburdenburdenburdenburdenburdenburdenburdenburdenburdenburdenburdenburdenburdenburden

These guys know what's up. @mohoanimation.bsky.social

Wake up, sigh because you're still alive, pick up yer phone... oh. well.... great way to start out the day....

I'm so tired of this pay to play existence....

moving to californa was a massive mistake. i should have stayed in mn or moved somewhere I had friends. "psst... you did have friends out here. You were gonna rent a room from them. They abandoned you at the front step. You lived in a motel for a month because of them." ...oh... right...

Epic Games: "We don't care if developers cheat by using AI and don't tell the end customer. As long as we get money. That's all we care about." www.gamesradar.com/games/we-do-...

Where my greymuzzles at?

im so tired of waking up from a nap to cry....

630 or so, go into a frantic dopamine hunt, bouncing around different, typically dependable sources, only to crash into a nap instead. Then to wake from that nap 3 hours later and almost cry from the instant "pain of it..."

Yes please.....

Rumor has it YouTube is shadowbanning Ren's latest video. I ain't lettin' that shit happen, and I urge everyone else that feels stepped on, used and abused by the system to stand with Ren and keep the link out there. youtu.be/MTn_bhTVr2U

i gave into the anxiety and went to buy a single cartridge of pot. The anxiety is gone, but hello shame. they both make me feel equally nauseated

Epic Games supports Fascism.

see? half a bottle of wine a night and I'm doing alright. Sobriety is overrated. I mean, so is breathing, but at least one of them is easy to crush.

The absolute irony....

take that, sobriety. red wine from barefoot and reheated costco pepperoni pizza. fuck you, sobriety, and the anxiety that comes with you.

The Boss youtu.be/wWKSoxG1K7w

need a friend. *opens discord* barely responds, barely responds, barely responds, was already upset with me earlier this week, busy, busy, responds after several days... oh, haven't talked to them in a while. Oh... yeah. Last time we talked. Right.... *looks at telegram* .... right...

my last thc cart went dry again. so... trying to go sober again. I can already tell this is not going to go well with how anxious i am already....

today i completed my unemployment finally. i took a 1.7 mile walk to the grocery store, bought a bunch of liquid death tea for $2 a pop, picked up a large frapp from the in store starbucks, walked home, finished the coffee, had a emotional break, laid down to pass out, cried myself to sleep...

Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester But you like her better, wish I were Heather music.youtube.com/watch?v=CWqd...

Everlast & WLPWR - Blood on the Wheel (FUCK ICE) youtu.be/u9XyCpdJ7SY

this is why i don't just get help, if anyone's wondering. I live in the Fascist States. it'd be far better across the board if i just don't wake up one day.

*starts a post... erases it... stares at the box... then just sighs and shuffles off to bed again*

cats growling at each other in my living room, I go out to calm them down, momma decides to come over and yell at Nika instead "You don't need to be on that side of the house. That's his side, this is your side." Like... thanks. Just add more conflict into the situation. Prolly why I'm so fucked up.

as i lay back down to sleep, "please still my heart" i beg and weep. "please take my breath before I wake, for this life i cannot take..."

i'm behind on my medications. but i don't have the... the will... the mind... to do all the steps for the injection x.x * Self Destructive +150 *

they always say ask for help when you need it. well what happens when you ask for help.... repeatedly.... and get ignored every time? then you get yelled at by the same people you asked for help from, for being a failure.

Do you ever wonder if the Hamburglar secretly wants to steal Mayor McCheese's head, but he's afraid to because it'd be like the deer god from Mononoke, where without his intellect, McCheese would revert to his primordial burger instincts and go on a rampage

i even tried praying. like, actual honest to God, kneeling at the side of the bed, paws clasped, praying for help.

can anyone reading this actually understand how it feels to cry into your pillow, repeatedly begging any entity, any force, to stop your heart while you sleep? To tell what you think is a threatening split you'll happily give up the body, just completely suppress you so you simply stop existing?

go to bed, cry while begging to not wake up. wake up, cry. go to bed a couple hours later, cry while begging not to wake up. wake up. cry. now i sit here, an hour later, thinking about going to bed, hoping to not wake up... and crying.

it's not wanting to die. it's about the fact the very THOUGHT of facing another day like today, like yesterday, the day before, all last week, all last month... is mental agony. physically everything's fine, yeah. but in my head, i may as well be strapped to a car battery while in a wading pool.