Don't tell me what I can't do My inner critic has that covered. Tell me what I CAN do, And let's find solutions yet uncovered. #Poem

A tricky thing about being multiple is when other people (in the body) can hear your private thoughts. It makes teamwork & trust difficult in ways one doesn't experience with other bodies. Don't judge yourself for reactive thoughts, give yourself grace. Give your headmates grace.

I drafted a script trying to encapsulate this idea within our own experiences. We got wrapped up in a lot of back and forth & havent made much progress since our initial draft & edit 2-ish years ago. Maddie does an A++ job expressing the beneficial rep that Angel provides youtu.be/n0x0wVCox9w?...

"We only recognize 2 Genders" is such a false statement. We have age based genders & marriage based genders. Age Based Genders: Boy, man, girl, woman. Marriage based Gendered titles: Miss, Ms., Ma'am, Mrs. I need people to stop being reductive & obtuse just bc it's a trendy virtue signal.

We have a lot happening in October. We drive 30 miles to start treatment on the tenosynovitis, we have an MRI for our thoracic, we drive 60 miles for migraine treatment, and we have at least 2 witchy events with possibly more. It's exciting but we have no room for surprises so we're nervous.

I woke up, had 3 cups of coffee, and chose violence today. -Plio

On that fucking note, "subsystem" in the literature is used to describe an alter. The DID/OSDD community loves yelling about DoYoUrReSeArCh while being misinformed af. Subsystem as it's used online has a colloquial definition, not a clinical/academic definition. I'm tired of this b&w bullshit. -Plio

No the fuck "polyfragmented" DID is not defined as "100 or more". The cited source everyone fucking links by Braun never fucking quantifies fucking polyfragmentation. He qualifies it, elucidates levels of complexity but never puts a fucking number on it. Stop blindly echo chambering. Fuck. -Plio

I watch the general trends. And it's going to be interesting to watch who gets a Switch 2 who has ever been outspoken about ICE. Running a platform is complicated but Content creators follow trends more than their own convictions, unless it's part of the trend or they can vilify other creators.🫤

Sometimes folks are performative To avoid looking performative And the mask cracks as soon as you get personal, and under that mask is a deeply insecure person who refuses to mature, grow, or sit with uncomfortable truths. I don't know what to do for these people, I don't have the skill.

A lot of people do not know how to face, acknowledge, address, or correct their unconscious racial biases. No matter how gently & kindly you call them in, you'll be accused of not using enough honey. Reinforcing how deep they're stuck in the systemic racism by enforcing tone policing. Exhausting

Poem: "Rest, Old Soul" A bittersweet reminder to the old souls that feel burdened by the actions & choices of others. You don't have to teach the world zanitysystem.blogspot.com/2024/11/rest... #Poetry #OldSoul

Poem: "Just a Question" About the experience of Dissociative Identity Disorder. zanitysystem.blogspot.com/2023/02/just... #Plural #Poetry #DissociativeIdentityDisorder

Got a $192 bill for my heart monitor study so now's a good time to remind I take pay what you can design services and art commissions, or you can buy my books directly from my Kofi! ko-fi.com/amarajlynn #writesky #booksky #artsky #commissions

Hey white people! All that smoke you had for Disney and ABC and shit? Send that same smoke to the Black folks who lost their jobs for the same damn reason.

"Tarot Enthusiast" tier on Ko-Fi for $30/month has been removed. All of the exclusive content from that tier has been made available to VoidFeeders & Trial Basis tiers. Life is busy, but things are starting to smooth out. I Will be holding my breath. lol

I'm really good with people. My nervous system isn't good with people at all. I think pies are amazing. My tastebuds disagree.

The greatest lie: Being smart & Hardworking will get you ahead in life. Source: -Gestures at the disability community that get paid submin wages for 3x the effort of non-disabled folk- Esp. the being smart thing, life isn't easier when your brain goes 100mph. There's less support from people too.

Imaginary Conversation: Person: Who's Fronting Right now? Me: -Shrugs- Good question. Person: ??? Me: Well, I know it's 2025, my legal name, phone number, and address, so who cares about the rest? Also Me: (There's like 7-12 people co-piloting. I don't want to make a list.)

#BG3Spoilers Laezel is back on track! We're buds again. (Playing an aggressively aromantic bard is... interesting). Tricky thing about RPGs is different fronting groups making different choices resulting in a Chaotic???? alignment. We avoid loading backsaves bc we'll probably do things like...

I've worked for years to practice a mindset of appreciating where I am & looking forward to the future. I realized in therapy today that recently I have been looking forward to the future. It's not a conscious cognitive practice, I just feel it. It's there without effort.

In May/June a generous member of our community donated to help us cover bath soap & toothpaste. Their request was to see the ZanES - ZanitySystem if they were an entertainment system. Well of course I needed to make this a 1 Page comic! Prismacolor pencil, ink, & chalk. #Art

We got an in-person gig in October. As we find better sources of income we will incrementally remove emergency commissions & take other steps to demonetize ZanitySystem & return to casual hangouts. We will not be sharing details or pics of the in-person gigs for safety reasons. Am excited!

I got so used to playing Early Access Baldur's Gaye 3 that I thought my Ketheric battle was the end game. HOW WRONG I WAS. Begin: Act 3 In Which Shadowheart becomes Tolerable & Laezel is losing her shit.

It really took gender transition for me to divorce my worth, actions, and behaviors from the invisible audience impressed upon me at a young age. Always prioritizing the comfort of others and preemptively accommodating without being asked. 🎵 Put them in the garbage 🎵

🙃 CPTSD for this gets reinforced by the woeful unreadiness of most providers. Hurray for therapist #20 creating an emotionally safe space for my nervous system to actually process interpersonal emotional safety.

Update: The referral for rehabilitation of my dominant hand is going in circles. Scheduling with the right provider & finding a provider close enough to where I live has been a headache woth every phone call. I'll schedule something and get a call that they don't do that. 🤷🤷😮‍💨

I grew up in a time and place we had to be alert for gang violence. At 10 years old I woke up to knocking at our door and the sound of a baby crying. I was told never to open the door for this bc gangs were using recordings to kidnap ppl. Military will also use recorded baby cries to lure ppl.

"A Working Man" feels like the kind of movie that encourages vigilante civil war shit. The kinda shit my Texan, gun toting, wife beating, autistic abusing, dad would watch repeatedly as personal fantasy fulfillment.

I have some promising off-line opportunities coming up for October. Emergency commissions are still open for now, but as we find avenues for more stable income we'll start incrementally removing commissions & make some other demonetization choices. Go back to casual, genuine hangouts.

I'm so excited about how this turned out. I threw a couple bucks to the kickstarter bc I loved the concept so much. Episode 3 and not at all disappointed! It's so cool to see a project come alive. youtu.be/4pgWzar5QHo?... #TheComicShop #Film #NerdComedy

We have been meaning to do redraws of some of our favorite pieces from over a decade ago. Here's some favorites. An airship pirate, a modern day swordsperson with control of 4 elements, and a representative self portrait doodle-thing. These were pre-burnout. #Art

I had a dream that I was in Gaza with my father. We had been there a week or more, helping children & teens, but it was time to leave. I hugged the kids, sobbing, & got rightfully pushed off by a younger kid that didn't know me. "Babies' cries, drones, & bombs, we sleep to every night."

Finally going down the Murder Drones rabbit hole. I fucking love these characters & the world building.

Since when did the census ever say "Your response is required by law."????? I remember the first time I encountered the Census, I'm pretty sure it didn't have a mandate. Am I remembering wrong? /Genuine

We'll make a longer blog post, but the short of it is: We got XRays at Urgent care for a new pain in the mid-back that started 6 days ago. They gave us NSAIDs, referral, & 10lbs lift limit. We're prioritizing more self-care. Not able to Doordash yet. Hand MRI => physiatry referral. /Update

We survived August, but we still need to survive September and October! Huge THANKS to everyone who boosted our posts, and purchased shop items. All commission slots are open, so reserve yours today!

My last week of August has mostly been spent getting better organized & trialing different time-management skills, doctor follow-ups, resting new back pain, & networking with local shops. It's my era to stop being a hermit, as much as chronic pain allows.

"Don't eat what you can't pronounce" is one of the dumbest fucking things to come out of holistic wellness communities. By all means, learn about the ingredients in your processed food, that's valuable. But don't dumb yourself down with oversimplified rules.

Throwback Thursday! Episode 2: The Infectious Madness of Doctor Dekker These sessions are... concerning! It's uncertain if we've made progress in the Case, but mythical events are starting to occur! youtu.be/YiuRUFfUFYo #PlayThrough #DoctorDekker #PsychThriller #MultipleEndings

Commissions are still open, all slots are empty. Commissions as low as 5$ each! I'm rly excited about a gig interview this weekend, and trying to moderate my expectations. It seems Very accessible & within my skill sets so 🤞🤞🤞 Wish me good pay at achievable hours 😄 #Artist #Tarot #CommissionsOpen

Updates: Our first appt for our back is this Friday. Relieved bc we're having trouble doing basic things around the house. Hand MRI shows tendon sheath inflammation, follow-up appt this Friday too. We're waiting to hear back about a job interview.🤞🤞Unsure about being able to cover Sept Bills.

The Lived Experience of DID workshop for writers, playwrights, & game designers got a good reception. To help me get started on the lesson plan, what topics, questions, and scenarios do you want to see covered? I can take DMs & emails if you want to ask privately. #Workshop #Writing #Dissociation

Updates: It took over a year, but we finally got an MRI on our dominant hand. Waiting for results. Still exhausted from the appt. We covered expenses for August thanks to some help & Doordash. Our spine HATES the dashing, so we've scheduled PT appts in hopes we can physically do more hours.

I'm checking my emails every day, but spending less time checking socials & being online. August bills are paid. We worked with an agent to reduce our auto & rent insurance by $45 We sold a PlayWolf emote! We're drawing how we feel while waiting for comms, have a look at our doodles! #Artist

Throwback Thursday! The Infectious Madness of Doctor Dekker drove us totally mad. This was one of the more fun games we played with our Twitch Chat. Would play again to explore the many different endings! youtu.be/hUqPtF995YE #PlayThrough #DoctorDekker #PsychThriller

I may not always remember you, but I will never forget you, or the appreciation I have for your company along this journey.

Accountability in realistic CPTSD recovery means keeping promises to ourselves, & refusing to blame & shame ourselves just because it "feels" "right." (Many reflexes conditioned in us by abuse & neglect "feel" "right"-- when the truth is, they're just familiar.)

Some of the migraine has subsided, I'm on a 7day NSAID regiment to break the back to back episodes. I'm going to dash bc I am in desperate need but my body is shaky and unsteady. Save a voidling from driving, commission me to draw your furry/scaley slut as a pinup? 🤞💜

The problem with money thru doordash is that btwn taxes & business expense I only get to keep %50 or less of what I make. Money thru artwork doesn't have as high of a business expense. It's also safer & more accessible regardless of my health that day. I could keep %75+ of what I made.