If this Olympics opening ceremony is truly about unity, then show full penetration you cowards!

Another way Pokerface is following in Columbo's footsteps is that, like Peter Falk, Natasha Lyonne is hiring a bunch of her friends to work with her and I'm here for it.

The amount of money this government spends on the military is outrageous. The IMF must spend millions of American taxpayer money on self-destructing tech alone.

My four favorite words to hear upon entering a theater: "ninety minutes, no intermission"

Married life is just taking turns making jokes that you have to explain to each other.

Has anyone actually gotten hiccups from drinking? Please let me know. For science.

I downloaded Canva on vacation at midnight to make this because once inspiration strikes, you have to listen to it.

Adam Sandler's "The Cobbler" is a biopic about Daniel Day Lewis, a shoemaker who can magically step into other people's shoes and transform into them.

Actually, it should be called "Dave and the Chipmunks"

What can I say, I'm into culture.

"You're A Mean One, Mr Grinch" is the ultimate diss track. Kendrick wishes.

The production designers of the movie Hot Frosty really concentrated on the nipples of that snowman.

Maybe not the best idea to have Idina Menzel singing a song about her great escape on the Bronx Zoo float. Or maybe yes?

Respect to all the actors singing live in the cold rain during the parade right now

Shout! Factory TV: Technically all movies are mysteries because you don't know what's gonna happen next!

Fruit to body part equations are hard. 1 melon = a head 2 melons = boobs I don't think I'm ready to know what 3 melons is!

Google has started giving me search results generated by AI and it's frequently much less helpful.

Yelled at by @dankmccoy.bsky.social from the next room because he thought I was dancing around with excitement at the tamales he brought home for breakfast. Turns out it was an earthquake.

From context clues watching the TV show Moonlighting, I just realized "making whoopee" did not mean pooping like I originally thought.

It me. I'm wife.

Avril Lavigne's "Sk8er Boi" is a country song cosplaying as a pop punk song: it's got illustrative storytelling about lost love, regrets, and twist of the reveal that the narrator of the song is a character in the story.

If you never played "A Long December" in the winter, under the covers in bed all day, have you ever really had SAD?

Companies: No one wants to work anymore. Also companies: We will try our best to break you and when we inevitably do, don't say it was our fault.

Actually, the company's name is "Aflarck" but that duck is from Boston.

Everyone thinks that the true love who gave all of those gifts in "The 12 Days of Christmas" is incredibly devoted, but maybe they just know the value of a good wholesale price.

I like it when animated characters are left handed. (This brought to you by April in Mutant Mayhem.)

It's amazing that the TMNT have stayed in the zeitgeist this whole time... especially because it's so dumb* *Not an insult, I love the Turts, but you have to admit it's concept feels like someone just filled out a mad libs story.

Can't believe that Santa decided to announce his divorce from Mrs Claus and his new marriage to Sheryl Lee Ralph on live TV like that.

I just finished watching the Halloween episode of SNL and I'm so stressed out that no one is talking to Christopher Walken in the goodbyes. Why wouldn't you want to talk to this national treasure?!

Snoop Dogg quit smoking and when I told @dankmccoy.bsky.social he said "oh yeah, I read heard about that." I guess this is how I find out my marriage is on the rocks.

When you're walking with big, noisy earrings, you're never alone.

Do you think the Phantom ever ran into the Ninja Turtles down there? Do they share a pizza from time to time?

Watching Death Cab for Cutie at MSG: Me: did your gummy kick in yet? @dankmccoy.bsky.social: didn't you just hear me say that I'm imagining they're 3 inches tall and actually really close to us? Me: yeah, what about it? Dan: Dan: Me: oh

Is there anything sadder than seeing a Wacky Waving Inflatable Tube Man be turned off? I always feel like I witnessed a murder.

You'd think by this time they've made enough that they could afford a Shake Mansion.

Andrew Lincoln's character in "Love Actually" should have written a hit song like Rick Springfield instead of putting his creative energy into being a creep.

Watching a Hallmark movie with ads and I can't tell if the movie is back on or if it's just a Folgers commercial.

Sometimes I get sad seeing videos of people pushing pearls out of oysters because it worked so hard to make that thing and we're just stealing it.

I have so many questions: Why are his basil plants so scared of the dark and not his other plants? Does he even have other plants? Is it just a field of basil in his backyard????

This post is as good as mailing this idea to myself so don't steal it.

I am baffled when my husband makes a sandwich and there are 3 dirty knives afterwards.

Life in my mid 30s: Relaxing with coffee on a Sunday morning, screaming at my husband about how our cat is blinking at our other cat.

If Columbo wasn't such a damn fine detective, I can easily see him arresting the wrong guy because the suspect is such a know-it-all windbag who wants to show how much better he is at deduction than Columbo, that he accidentally implicates himself for knowing too much even though he didn't do it.

I gave @dankmccoy.bsky.social one shot to guess to what I was actually looking at and he basically did it. (He said "an Orson Welles movie" and it was "Lady From Shanghai.")

Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says his children hate him, everyone laughs at him, nobody thinks he's a genius anymore. Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. Great clown Elon Musk is online. Go and watch him fuck up. That should pick you up.' Man bursts into tears. Says, 'But doctor…'

A man likes all of my photos! He even said they were "impressive!" I'm glad to be doing something right! He even noticed from my small profile photo that I'm not white and wants to know more about me! Wow, can't believe this is happening to me! I've never felt more seen-- this could be the one!

MOVIE TRIVIA: To get into character for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Brad Pitt wore a pair of false buttocks, leading to the production managers' cries of "Benjamin Button, get your 'Benjamin' butt on!" --this post sponsored by annoying you

The richest man in the world stole a meme from a 16-year-old kid and cropped him off

I think we've been too blinded by the fact that Columbo was so fresh and innovative and had such a charming leading man that we forget how truly unhinged the camera work was in some of these episodes.