Between Knicks playoff fever and World Cup this month nyc is going to be setting new records for loss of productivity and wage theft and I think that’s beautiful

got absolutely drilled by a soccer ball to the face but was with my son so had to pretend it didn’t hurt too bad & i’ve now decided that flopping in football is actually v important because it gives men the chance to finally express a lifetime of pain they’ve kept buried behind a facade of toughness

Trump trying to ruin the Knicks playoff run just like he’s ruining everything else…in the grand scheme of things it’s not that important but. it just feels extra bad somehow…a decade plus of this piece of shit rubbing his shitty, shit covered hands all over everything & making it shitty I hate it

lol Brad lander came to our little league game

love 2 watch Mitchell Robinson shoot 98 free throws per game

my favorite lunch atm is 2 slices of toasted wheat bread (dave’s “powerseed”) with a can of sardines or tuna distributed on top with some thinly sliced cucumber with or without some mayo or mustard it’s cheap and easy and vErY gOoD mAcRoS if that is your thing which, unfortunately,

trying to make a playlist of songs that fucking suck please hit me with your least favorite songs/songs that suck/hateful earworms etc

is he brunsoning????

Lmao grimes McDonald’s commercial

amazing how many ny dickheads mixed into the San Antonio crowd …truly our greatest export

cool game I want to die

sitting normally check

me cornering pikachu after the AA meeting

If I pay 4k for the worst seat in Madison square garden James Dolan better die

exercising so I can be really tired and cranky

one of longest strongest lowest stakes opinions is that crocs are fucking stupid and look like shit

hey could you make me look like a turgid thrusting cock ok cool thanks

You are brave, warrior, but stupid! Your body explodes as you plunge into the lava.

obviously, these are some of the dumbest guys—perhaps ever—in charge of the US government etc but it’s still impressive how badly they fucked up in Iran just a world historical bed shitting props to everyone involved

Medical school cadaver

Vanilla Ice: wassup America happy birthday we gotta —(looking off stage with an exaggerated look of surprise) wait what’s that noise??? Trump: (emerging from the side of the America 250 stage wearing a distinctive white mask covering half his face): Sing once again with me….

whenever I’m talking to someone irl and they say the word “podcast” I immediately stop listening to what they are saying

I would never miss a game deciding penalty kick

there’s and old man T my gym that constantly does some old man stretching bullshit on the basketball court under one of the baskets preventing others from hooping. I’ve called him UBB “under the basket bitch” for over 3 years

8:30 am baseball game they’re trying to break my spirit but it won’t work

excited to announce I will be performing at the America 250 celebration in Washington DC

watching from the viewing area as they prepare to administer the lethal injection to grogu they ask him if he has any last words and he just shakes his head

Connecticut should sell bottles of 100 proof vodka with a dead tick in it like they do tequila with a worm in Tijuana or whatever

You ever see someone get booed to death

visiting a friend who put a lock on her phone until she completes a Duolingo lesson and every morning we’ve been here she goes to check something and she’s like FUCK sorry guys and then spends 10 minutes impatiently yelling French into her phone so she can google something

Toe Stone

RFK jr tearing and rending the flesh off a writhing snake that twists in agony and bites him repeatedly pumping venom into his bloated red almost purple face multiple times but he pays it no mind crunching and chewing the dying serpent with his huge white veneers

love to go for long run and burn 1000 calories in strenuous activity and then come home and immediately consume 2000 calories of breakfast the perfect crime

???? you're the one acting mindlessly hostile about a 6/10 at worst minecraft spinoff and blatantly lying about things it does (or rather doesnt do)

I think we’re at the point now where we can say whatever is happening with the Knicks is indicative of some kind of massive sea change whether for good or ill it’s hard to say yet but what’s transpiring represents a compete break from reality as we know it

thinking about that Robert Gobert long haired cheese

bringing your McDonald’s into the sauna with you

radiators coming back to life in late may like a horror movie villain back for one last jump scare

America’s political assassins are no longer HOT

need these would be assassins to lock the fuck in unloading your weapon blocks away isn’t impressing anyone at this point

its esp funny Trump is skipping don jr's wedding when he was continually crashing random people's weddings at mar a lago for fun but cant be bothered to go to his loser son's shit lol

Just saw my first nyc Waymo?? Anyway rip to that vehicle

Eric Adams would be posted up next to chalamet in scammed 100k seats and would have inadvertently poisoned half the team after bringing them a limited edition kombucha he made with Kim dot com

found a discarded American apparel windbreaker in the back of my closet and realized it’s probably 20 years old so now it’s vintage