reading Winnie the Pooh before bed AA Milne really snapped when he was like hm what if a fat idiot bear and suicidally depressed donkey were friends

lol

FYI RFK jrs voice sounds like that because he contracted a very aggressive form of oral thrush you can only get from human corpses so it’s *not* ok to make fun of him it’s actually very serious

you wouldn’t VIBECODE a WEBSITE

US negotiators demand Iran develop “quantum leap” technology to allow Donald Trump to “leap” into the body of Benjamin Netanyahu and stop him from convincing himself to start war

allergy season

the power of positive thinking

We’re going to be doing the Spanish flu and we’re going to be doing it very very strongly perhaps more than and better than ever before

Steve Jobs has died

I am a get to the airport 3-4 hrs early person & I had a friend who was get to the airport when your flight is set to depart person & I gave her a ride to the airport once & the 2nd hand stress I experienced almost killed me (she was absolutely untroubled up & including when she MISSED her flight)

just tuning into the knocks game to see Brunson getting full on kicked in the dick lol

8 year old is going to a Minecraft LAN party lol

it’s fun to think about who was the drunkest politician to hold high office in the government of the United States probably Franklin pierce but I think this new crop could at least win in the category of messiest drunks (ie honorable mention)

imagine being a foreign spy and training in espionage for years to suborn powerful American law enforcement officials and highly placed government employees and actually all you need to do is buy Kash Patel one (1) Long Island ice tea

reading the new ka$h drop like

Mr Met Found Dead

Why is Brooklyn barbecue taking over the world?

fat corgi in a stroller

I don’t care if they won’t let me post on here I’m still posting on the internet of my mind

Mr Met Found Dead

This isn't funny

you wouldn’t VIBECODE a WEBSITE

I’m the one guy who really believed in going to santacon as a charitable endeavor and I’m furious right now

just to put global warming into perspective: this is the earliest I have cut the legs off my jeans to make shorts in the 47 years I have been alive let that sink in

Death doula, the mic rula, the old schoola, you want a RIP, I’ll bring it to ya

How much can the pope bench like 2 plates max I bet not listening to someone like that

naming myself after the xiphoid process and championing volcel uggmaxxxing

Kill yourself.

😇

I think it’s nice that everyone else in my generational cohort sucks shit it lowers the bar for me to look good by comparison so thank you lead paint keep up the good work

people at work are OBSESSED with emailing me

*Mr Bean piloting an oil tanker through the strait of Hormuz*

not in the latin rite unfortch has been stuck in my brain for many years

BREAKING: President Donald Trump has installed Dasha Nekrasova from the podcast Red Scare as the new American Anti Pope

googling “RIP Bozo” in Hungarian

it’s been said a million times already but these are some of the dumbest motherfuckers alive

7am Sunday morning time to head to an 8 year olds baseball game

to be fair trapping people in a room with jd Vance is a masterful strategy to get them to capitulate completely if only to get away from him

when you are desperate for a deal

cat check

op

Hi

I would probably do the cocaine

D R A F T S

lol

looking good sir