it’s giving droopy dog energy

Fucking the Spider-Man for spiders

calling all my top generals together to play Edward 40 hands

open mic night prop comedian doing crowd work

"Elon Musk to Island Dec 6 (is this still happening?)" please dont overact to this he just wanted to share epic memes with those girls on little saint james is sharing epic memes a crime now?

oh no not James comey

it rules they created a whole new job in ICE for guys who are too fucking stupid and violent to be cops

me a middle aged man trying to take a selfie

the next great American novel will be written on a bullet casing

I wouldn’t believe a single thing ICE says about this

Every morning I wake up and crack open the cocoon my husband has made out of shredded newspaper and bile and feed him him 3-6 pregnant rats which he swallows whole and wriggling its incredibly inspiring

Isaac Chotiner: So you don’t eat meat? Me: yes. I eat seafood. Fish. No octopus— they’re too smart. IC: take me through that logic Me: Well I mean . the fish? or..or the octopus thing? IC: how do you determine the acceptable intelligence level ? Me: I-(smashing cellphone against the wall)

now that enough time has passed I just want to say Oasis was at best a B tier Brit pop band and the hype around the reunion was pure internet fueled nostalgia-psychosis but I’m glad everyone had fun anyway

FYI RFK jrs voice sounds like that because he contracted a very aggressive form of oral thrush you can only get from human corpses so it’s *not* ok to make fun of him it’s actually very serious

RFK jr announcing in his fucked ip gargling-boiling-piss voice that they’re outlawing condoms because he’s “99% sure” latex causes autism

my brain monitoring the situation every morning after I chug a mug of coffee and take 2 aspirin

tag urself I’m macoun

Me: (drinking every night to sublimate my anxiety and then waking up every morning drinking coffee and taking aspirin on an empty stomach for 20 years) why my stomach hort😡 ??????

. * 🌜. * . * . * * * ☄️. * * . 🌍* . . * 💫 * . * . I have diarrhea * . . *. ✨ * . * 🌑 . * ☄️ * . * 🌕 . * . * . * . *. * * . .

Charlie Kirk’s Starbucks order was a grande dog cum with 2 pumps zero sugar caramel but woke employees won’t let you order it now

Cat check

everything is bad and getting much worse but at least all my groceries are 1 or 2 dollars more expensive also

there’s only one late night host with the guts to stand up to the cheeto in the White House

Kate McKinnon playing Charlie Kirk at the piano singing hallelujah

second Trump administration is a grim daily exercise in degradation and cruelty largely bereft any of the joy of the weird losers and freaks backstabbing one another endlessly we got during the first Trump term with one notable exception: Kash Patel. A uniquely entertaining moron. Love him.

not thing but respect for *my* president

(trying to obfuscate my point as much as humanly possible) let me be clear

I also post normal messages on discord

I love how completely degraded everything is

taking a seven year old to the sk8 park was so sweet all the teenage boys were well teenage boys and cursing and teasing one another but also taking turns on one another’s skateboards and bmx bikes and scooters and giving one another tips and stopping to give encouragement was honestly so nice

very much enjoyed taking my child to the skatepark and then to baseball and then back to the skatepark

as we get further out from the actual event it gets funnier and funnier like he literally got asked about gun deaths and his final words were “you mean besides all the gang violence?” and then immediately got murked by a whiteboy groyper like cmon

I work at a NY public school & they announced the assassination of Charlie Kirk over the loudspeaker & played “another one bites the dust” by queen & everyone cheered & celebrated by stomping on milk boxes in the cafeteria and dismissed school for the rest of the day disgusting

Each alleged mass shooter is even more On the Computer All the Time than the previous one. Probably nothing to worry about there

love to raise a child in American society at the moment feels good

it’s gonna turn out to be chud on chud violence I guarantee

Kash Patel: (using both hands & holding a magnifying glass up to one & then the other eye & back again) the suspect is a trans gay ideologist, gentlemen I have my partner checking grok now for details Dan Bongino: (looking up from his phone) how do you change it from waifu mode?

its nice to think trump had a stroke—and I hope its true!—but you know they just fucked up with the botox or something

putting on my osama bin Laden costume to go trick or treating

they should add Charlie Kirk’s name to the list of names read out loud at the 9/11 commemoration

babe wake up it’s 9/11

you don't even have to glorify violence. it does all that on its own

it’s gonna turn out to be chud on chud violence I guarantee

Killing people is wrong

where will they find another race baiting conservative debate club asshole to fill his shoes …truly a loss for not just the right but also people with humongous gums everywhere rip

everyone crediting the shooter with having impeccable aim but let’s talk about his timing goddamn

I can’t believe they shot ben Shapiro

Saw the video kinda wish I hadn’t that dude is toast tho

“remember remember the 11th of September” I say but no one listens and so, we have forgotten …

it’s hard to talk politics anymore because the natural response to everything is “oh they should be killed” but you’re not allowed to say it. it’s more illegal than open pedophilia