dum slut @devildaydreams.bsky.social says to me, "know the one musical i associate with you?" the first five i listed were wrong answers.

me watching Pitt2:3, uhhh so we gonna start with SORRY, RECENT SAW A-S-L nope, okay bad asl terp. hire this nerd nightmare for your next pitt viewing!

tech sales conference in town this week, btw.

am i gonna find out that arms wide open is like matchbox twenty's closing time? cuz i'll be cussing if that's true. we can't have every pop anthem be breeder bangers.

uhoh! had a booking mix-up, someone doesn't know the days of the week! if you wanted to hang out this afternoon... maybe this evening? i'm around. tryst.link/escort/elsi

ugh, life is being delightful. someone should be spanked about it.

she's one of me go-tos. ruin her. she'll thank you.

@pearlmania500.bsky.social where's my shirt about being a fuckin bitch, alex. don't tease that. i got needs, son.

what we doin these days? is it kissing babes? tryst.link/escort/elsi

it's wild to think i'm still a virgin.

mmmm i could take a booking this weekend, actually.. if someone wanted to get on my dance card. it's sunny, i'm feeling it. find me at tryst.link/escort/elsi

more like elevated fart-rate.

when people say, "i'd love to get some property on the island," this is what i hear.

oh shoot, my bad guys. the instructions said "well-ventilated area" but i didn't realize i was dusting up the whole hood. sorry about the visibility! 😅

sorry kittens, samdog says it's time to snuggle. i gotta go. last one out, hit the lights pls.

in this house, we refer to it as the "bark bark dog park," yes, but it's also very important that we don't use an acronym for that place because that's not good either.

"do you have anything online?" no. im not a content creator, im a ride share.

can't spell harmonica without harm

bounced off the other site, lololol

the change i want to see in the world is that wives being cheated on by their shitty husbands would be offended that this dolt didn't read the ad, isn't braced to send a deposit, and is wasting my time. disrespect after disrespect! amen.

the number of times ive thought, "in a pinch, there's always $40 there if we wanna mug hank green's brother," is uncomfortable.

can someone explain to me in whatever flavour crayon they have handy why lactose-free food items get bonus dietary-restrictions thrown in? LF ice cream: also sugar-free! LF frozen pizza: and none gluten! whatever war crime these waffles are..

not much, u?

when a dude with cauliflower ears says of a dude without them, "he's a super fighting champion," listen. ooooooooh beans

gill nets are passive fincome.

to do: - get the samdog run, then likely give to her a bathe. - brushem flossem - ass'd fluids - edit fotos? or sort stray hardware, whatever works best for my interests - spare the humans prolly gonna be the hardware thing, tbh. but maybe after that, fotos.

it's back to paint by numbers season and i am THRIVING

just received the best best best compliment ever: "you're like a hoarder, but everything's organized." this is all i ever needed, ttyl.

can we get content warnings for use of harmonica please?

im living in the capitol, dressed in my frou frou clothes, in my designer housing, snacking on foods for kibble feel, watching people hiding in the woods under tarps, digging for edible roots and worms. they hunt and starve for my entertainment.

watching the lilith fair doc and i am fascinated that '98 they could have infants on stage. stark contrast to woodstock '99 where they burned the place down and raped people. cool cool cool.

you know @deviantollam.bsky.social is certified to tell you what a door is? like a sommelier but for walls that are sometimes not walls. he can even tell you the exact conditions for the door to stop being part of the wall. pretty cool stuff!

this is basically portland's version of a haka

i just had a galaxy brain moment that, i pray, will make me look like a big dummie because none of yous people are suffering from the same fallacy. i will share in the hopes that you're all well ahead of me on this but there's one or two people who could benefit from this distinction. selfhelp 🧵

do you remember on the 21st of sept tem ber

FUCK IT, i'm eating homemade lasagne and then throwing samdog into the ocean repeatedly. y'all hold down the shithole, this guy needs sun and air and light and three kinds of lactose-free cheese.

The US Embassy in Qatar has asked all US Citizens in Doha to shelter in place.

um actually, "unhinged" describes something that at one point, but no longer, was hinged. ive just been vibing the whole time.

so lasagna in french (lasagne) can be best understood as "the blood" which is to describe how you can just mainline that shit, thanks.

you had to pursue your interests before. i had to go find the lyrics i wanted and the album art and the you think the algo

i listen to behind the bastards all the time, and i think our ads are different from in the states, but they're all true crime pods. i do not care about true crime pods. i was there when serial happened the first time, i don't need every take on lead-poisoned drunks murdering wives. i'm good.

"we already have feminism!" okay, diagnose endometriosis. "can't do that reliably" meanwhile "fecundability and men's scrotal temperatures esp as it pertains to laptops"

"goodbye young human, i hope you live." non-binary well-wishing keen reminder that humans with chance of living are still young

posting for the internet esp in this line of work is so exhausting. one must assume that the audience is simultaneously cunning, resourceful, and tech-savvy, and also he also needs things explained in his favourite flavour of crayon.

hey, you know the french resistance wasn't like one group, right? it was an era of people who were concerned for the direction of the country in separate clusters doing what they could with what they had to muck things up as best they could. soyez la changement q vous voulez voir

spent an hour speculating if a shear wall was also load bearing based on fotos and now im getting into bed with some roman aqueduct pron. im finally becoming the divorced dad i was always meant to be.

White woman puts Mexican flag on her truck to waste ICE’s time.

dude.

when you run your own business, it is imperative that you make time for yourself to rest and recharge. there will always be more work to do, but you need to pace yourself is an example of my hypocrisies.