HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEEN @dr0girl.bsky.social 🦀♋️🪩

I can sit through a 6.5 hour tattoo no problem but I CANNOT deal with the healing process. Good lord.

The woman doing my pedicure commented on how smooth my legs are and this the same feeling as making your therapist laugh.

I am trying the viral Trader Joe’s gummy worms. Will report back if I shit myself.

Today’s goal is to finish the water and finish the weed before our flight.

TABLE SIDE SMASHED POTATOES.

I lost my license and my dignity at the Taco Bell cantina.

Have y’all ever seen a cuck corner?

Ever had a man tell you they’re in a bad mood on day 1 of your period? Like sir, I am actively trying not to incite violence.

Starting to think I’ll never own a home in this god damn town.

Forcing a white man to try Indian food is my love language.

My first two interactions with men at work today were god awful. We need more public shaming.

More ice cream content. Frozen custard made with duck eggs 💦

This might be the best thing I’ve ever eaten.

When you’re FaceTiming people in Vegas doing powders as you are adding fiber powder to your morning coffee…

Woke up to a bunch of spider videos from the sphere because I’m ridiculously afraid of them 🤣

LOL RORY

Pimento cheese for breakfast?!? Pimento cheese for breakfast.

Brysons a little bitch too.

Patrick Reed is a fucking loser.

Happy Masters day to all who celebrate.

One thing about me is I’m going to find a typo in every official document I read.

BILLY STRINGS IN NOLA WOOOOOOO

Can Tiger stop fucking driving? Like damn.

I played phish for a room full of blue collar white dudes 💀

Does Tommy Fleetwood not have a sponsor anymore?

Thorbjornsen makes me LOL

In an infinite loop of getting CVS extra bucks and using them to buy Cadbury mini eggs for pennies.

I am going to see SCREAM 7.

Got a MSG floor at 11:42 💪🏽

NO THANKS TICKETMASTER.

Jumped in the dicks presale queue just to feel something.

Somewhere between I’m gonna take it easy on the phish this year and I have 7 more shows until I hit 200 so let’s send it.

Now that summer your has been announced can we talk about a potential fall tour?! I was hoping the Colorado Halloween rumor is going to happen but now should I just go to Dicks instead?

I put off my summer plans for those dates?! 🤣

I just saw a IG post to win tickets to see Allen in a dead cover band called Untz is Dead 💀

Another rejected offer on a house. COOL.

Two drinks in and I’m quoting the movie Congo.

Redfin thinks I’m a millionaire.

WE GOT 7 BELOW FAM.

Does anybody have a travel credit card they love? Bonus points if it’s not one with an $800 fee.

BIG DAY OVER HERE. My cervical pillow and mouthguard both came in the mail today.

When you peel a sumo orange do you rip the bun off first or another way?

I finally tried the “bump” energy powder and I can confirm it is not cocaine.

It is -5 and my car won’t go any faster than 30mph 🤣

More OT this weekend and I am stoked to work my first big snowstorm!

I tried to schedule an annual visit with my doctor today and she is booking out until September. I also told the woman on the phone my hands and feet are going numb pretty regularly and now my appointment is next Monday. Healthcare is so fucked.

Was anybody at Brooklyn Bowl Tuesday? After everybody threw roses up in the air, what happened to them? Was there just roses all over the floor after that?

Why does market basket make buttholes with all their ground meat?