I am the worlds first cisgender they/them

gen z lawyer: judge you’re so justicepilled judge: huh lawyer: you’re ordermaxxing right now. you’re order mogging judge: deputy kill this guy

wish I wasn’t so bad at dating

spent the entire work day playing magic on my phone

I think this beautiful woman was flirting with me but I couldn’t tell if it was in a straight way or gay way

YOU’RE LISTENING TO SISYPHUS FM, THE HOME OF NON-STOP ROCK

your honor can you take your hands off your neck and hold on to the ghost of my body

apparently the judge didn’t like that I “did it for the vine” and that “vine isn’t even a thing anymore”

who up debating they lord

me: mr. honor can I use the bathroom judge: it’s “your honor” me: oh sorry. mr. yourhonor can I use the bathroom

my roommate got me this top and I tried it on and he goes “oh. you really do have boobs” 😵‍💫

stealing everything I possibly can #lootmaxxing

no I do not kiss on the first date i’m nervous and scared and I’m trying to figure out which bus to take home

dick from a guy who’s shorter than you

guy who thinks being a picky eater means you’re particular about going down on someone

new york is the big apple and chicago is the big onion

Okay sorry. Please dont Share My face or everything. Bye

I desperately ache for everything to work for me and I hate feeling like I fall flat on my face at every attempt I make to feel a little less alone

does anyone wanna kill me

your honor release your inhibitions and feel the rain on your skin

your honor would it be easier if I just killed myself

I am training to become a lesbian the difficulty level is pretty high I am 99% gay and 1% synesthesia

sometimes I get worried i’m terminally online and then I meet someone who is actually terminally online and I feel much better

cheekface is whitest band out there right now and I think that’s beautiful

weekend plans ❤️

just got out of the shower

oomfie you have so many more followers than me… our follower gap is so big… my follower list is so small compared to yours…

woman who says she’s bi-curious but she already know she’s into women and instead she’s experimenting with men

my roomate send me a tweet of someone he wants to set me up with and it’s someone who matched with me on a dating app 😭

me when I take the substance

we need to be more horny in 2026

i’m not a bottom I just have 0 game

sorry for acting like a pathetic horny little freak it's because im a pathetic horny little freak

judge don’t take this personally but it’s kinda rude you keep interrupting my story

silence looksmaxer, a swag master is speaking

your honor the witness is avoiding my question, could you please direct the witness to answer “who’s pussy is this?”

seeing one of my (attractive) friends who I thought was asexual on a dating app where their profile says they’re a service top dom… um hello.. come over immediately

being too horny lately and then hearing every weekend night/morning the upstairs neighbors fucking is really annoying. like alright man thanks for rubbing it in. your girl doesn’t even moan that’s how I know you suck

life is so much more straightforward when you accept that you will always be miserable and it doesn’t matter if you live or die

(with a gun in my mouth): no yeah my days going great, how are you?

oh this? this is just my emotional support gun in my mouth

dm requests are so funny