THE AUDACITY OF PEACEMAKER, I KNEW IT.

He may play a CREEP but Mark Duplass is a stand-up guy, as Duplass Brothers Productions is teaming up with the Transgender Film Center to launch the Found Footage Fund for trans filmmakers.

Well. The gore thirst is back. Happy Thursday.

Just need to properly finish making a decapitated head look right to me, and then I'll have finished a long outstanding order. Tomorrow, I have meetings and bureaucracy work, and perhaps revisions to deal with, too. And then... other work I am behind on. Summer kicked my ass. I desire the fall.

"Procedures to Discover the Path Ahead" is something I'd describe kindly as a stellar introduction to travel procedures. It does a wonderful job at stoking the embers of curiosity, remains consistent in its sense of circumstances, and I would rank it far higher than many other exploration toolkits.

...upside of deeply disagreeing with notes from a superior is that I can bill for the hours of them explaining their viewpoint and suggesting how I fix it. Because they didn't say how to fix it. Or to scrap it. They just said they consulted peers, and they are uncertain if it works. I'm hourly.

The sensation of the day is a lot like pulling a large shard out of the top of my skull, but it feels absurdly long - like it should have cut my head in half by this point. That's how this sort of headache is feeling.

The funniest thing about the censorious hellscape we dwell in is that I wrote the least sexualized sex tables ever because I feel like most "Sex Move" stuff is cowardly in how much it doesn't say - and I'll never be able to print it in a thing. Let alone sell it. Lol, Lmao. Found a typo though.

The funniest and most silly way I could describe my spirituality/faith is that a bunch of weirdos talk to me on their smoke break from the celestial bureaucracy, and that the great fate which awaits me upon my death atop a mountain is to work in the mail room there. And honestly? I'm here for it.

Adam West has been cropping up a lot in things I've watched lately. It remains tragic how he was typecast for so long because that man knew how to command a scene in all sorts of ways. He died, I think, like a week after I moved to NYC. Maybe I just miss how media people used to sound to me.

Back to the commission mines. Listening to a playthrough of the new Dying Light. I appreciate that it is Metal Gear: Resident Evil in terms of goofiness going on. Melodramatic, but I appreciate Sonic and Legoshi fighting an evil european superscientist in the alps. That's appropriately goofy.

If I lived in a place with my own laundry machine, I'd be so powerful.

I know if I say that I am good at this job or enjoy it, fate will conspire to ensure my contract isn't renewed. But it is nice to feel of use and to gather the inside tells of the bureaucracy at play. So I can be even further efficient as a functionary. O, the facelessness of it all. To function.

Honestly always refreshing to hear George Ledoux doing his Connery-esque voice. Nice to see a Majesty-like game. I appreciate that it doesn't seem too post-genre aware or too serious. High budget farce feels right. Majesty was a formative game for me as a little kid. youtu.be/7EN4vBPERdo

Had an adequately productive work day. Finally check on the news of what is going on. Ultimately they can't keep kicking the can forever with their base. The ravenous must get a taste of flesh, and they've been fed the idea of it for far too long. People will get hurt, but the end is inevitable.

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oh we're down among the lotuses now, scoob

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Ghosts as the triumph of humanity leaving a mark upon the ineffable, an incursion into the other side; the first of whom were the boldest and most beloved. Man did not return to the spirit, to the universe, to the flow - they colonized with ego a presence on the other side but staked to mortality.

Horrendous nightmares endured about the nature of knowing and all my weird sensory memory moments I've been having for the past five years. The idea of life, blooming, the glory of knowing, of this collective sum - so vast, that you may pass without realizing it. Awash in a vastness of knowledge.

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Further meditations on fire. I'd have done well centuries ago. Slithering thing that I have become.

It feels like I've taken a knife in the anahata and the ajna, and my eyes have been enrapt by a candle for a good bit now. I think I am well and truly subsumed within some madness now. I think much of this is born from a desire that these sensations have a greater meaning. Perhaps I am just weary.

Haha. Well fuck.

This session: Many bleak reunions. Kibishi attends a dinner/holiday party and ended up having a three way with the Lady Yogo Yumeko and her castellan, Asako Takanori. He cut loose, people find him to be the life of the party, and he covered for Yogo Kue to go seek "true love." Everyone else? Eh...

I can tell immediately exactly what sort of Sunday my medications are going to give me. Let us hope emotional clarity and dehydration are of some value to me today.

I once received the high compliment from people with power in the industry of being a "craftsman" vs a "designer" or anything else. As an outlier, I'd like to say I think Hodag might be the only person in the field who "gets it" - whatever it may be. Like the holistic avatar of the joy to games.

Good lord, it is hard to fight through disenfranchisement.

Productive day. Some public service training tomorrow, which will unfortunately take up a lot of my day and prevent further productivity. This week has been a lot, but we're getting somewhere. Weekend feels like it'll be a shitshow though, if Saturday isn't a logjam break.

The wrap-around narratives of the old UCB show strike me as superior to ones from Mr. Show, but I think UCB in general did a better job of leaning into the deeply absurd. Which isn't to say Mr. Show was not absurd, but that I think it leaned more toward farce. Controversial opinion, I know.

Lol. fucking perish.

Really stuck in on a bunch of new modalities of play, but no time to explore them - which just means they are eternally cooking in my brain. Token economy stuff is kind of a facet I'm enjoying, has me studying card games in my scarce free hours. Ideas of building resource pools to flip paradigms.

My mom and I talking about some horrid oligarchy thing. Followed by: "That probably sounded more elegant spoken aloud." Me: "I'd say it in a heavy Brooklyn accent just to undermine it. Lol. Lmao."

I think I first embraced a vile and vicious karma into my heart when I decided - to the fullmost extent of my soul, that those who post ghost jobs are no longer human. They deserve a life of fear, violence, and suffering. A manifestation of what they make us swallow. May they choke. May they weep.

fuck, I just remembered two more things I'm meant to do. Well. Guess it'll be a busy goddamn week.

My capacity to yap is likely colored by how deeply unsocialized I've become and also how I was once a very extroverted person who actively enjoyed public speaking. Lol.

I feel like I've really embraced using the term "ridden" as a way to talk about ego death from overwhelming presences, because when I otherwise talk about ego death most Western folks view it as a bad thing. When its like, no - its uncomfortable, like any growth. It isn't bad. It is ephemeral.

I've had an oddly busy and productive weekend. More busy than productive, but such that it is. I need to finish some deadlines, hit up the pharmacy, get groceries, do laundry, and poll worker training all next week. Plus some of this contract work, hopefully. I think clearing my plate will help.

90 degrees and sheeting rain. My body had just finished acclimating to proper temperatures. fuckin' hell

Dexter Resurrection was pretty good. I think I still prefer New Blood as a one-and-done close to a series, but I really enjoyed this as a follow-up/reboot type situation. The new dynamics are interesting, and I do think him cycling through who he talks to is useful. I hope we get more Briney.

Horrid thing in nightmares: "You must find liberation from the shackles of hope. Iron is forged in the crucible of a gelid heart." Me: "You could say these things normally, but I appreciate the poetics."

Oh. Yep. There it goes. There goes the riastrad. Been awhile. Helluva thing though.

I have token economy thoughts but I'll attend to that when I don't have other work. Really my hang-up is handing players multiple currencies to utilize to alter fundamental flow in other systems; as that requires a level of understanding for temporary things. Still, I think that will correct flow.

Honestly, the lack of any audit or accounting despite it being promised is so.... fucking common in this industry on the indie side. To the point that I know I could only trust someone with the logistics work if I also knew I could beat them within an inch of their life due to a common locality.

Duginthroat Divided has been the highlight of my year, as I was approached to assist in a manner that made me realize what I truly enjoy doing in this field - and which gave me a chance to really unify my appreciation for the why of a dungeon with the potential utility of a dungeon in modular play.

The party has decided to not blow up Shiro Yogo, as the people there seem nice. The party is hanging out primarily in a noodle shop on the edge of town, and they had a long unprompted debate about "what the fuck are we even doing?" with regards to how their lives have been ruined by their quest.

There we go. The Castle of Learning, Shiro Yogo. Useful for my purposes. I'm rather sure the party is gonna end up blowing it to pieces and unleashing untold evils upon the world. The party really only sort of benefits from doing a coup - but they lack a lot of useful information to make choices.

Game in a few hours, still gotta finish three tokens and a map. Tomorrow work for others. Today for myself. I need to drink so much water.

Looking through some old videos of my dog Ruby, and have to say I hate that people shifted "goon" to mean jacking off rather than looking like a slab of meat who has no thoughts but "punch da batman" or "eat oversized hoagie." Because I called Ruby "da Goon" a lot. 2022 was a lifetime ago.

A good and proper nightmare, the sort I haven't had since 2013. I think the weirdness of sleep was the largest factor, but it was fascinating in the old ways. Like feeling words under your skin, in your veins, a true ensorcelling sense of conversation about deeply unkind subjects of personhood.