It’s so cold ☃️☃️☃️❄️❄️❄️❄️🏂🏂🏂

LexisNexis has got to be the stupidest business name

Did such a good sleep last night. Vibes are incredible this morning

New approach to life I’m gonna start making good decisions instead of bad ones

It’s me

I’m bored maybe I should get a coke habit

I’m bored maybe I will have a baby

Happy birthday @bencriley.bsky.social you beautiful angel ❣️❤️❣️💕❣️❤️❣️💕❣️❤️❣️💕

So weird when people call me by my name and I remember I’m a real person

If you could see the amount of laundry I’m sleeping with tonight you would be shocked and appalled

Khajiit has wares if you have coin

Anytime a man likes me on hinge it makes me feel physically ill

All I did today was pre-clean my house so my cleaner wouldn’t judge me.

nothing online works for shit anymore. everybody who knows how to work computer is unemployed. we are stuck with these losers shooting up peptides while they vibecode their claude dongle

Think my uber driver fell in love with me. But who wouldn’t!!

I used to hire this guy off airtasker to do man tasks around my house and I would joke he was my adopted dad. One day he stopped answering my texts and I realised… he was my real dad all along.

Awww cute to watch the space guys come home

Ahhh the ol Friday night crash out as I finally run out of energy pretending to be normal

Does anyone have one of those medieval stretchy rack things and if they do can I have a go

Was feeling melancholy, but then I dug up Theoden with an undercut from my vault of memes

My house, clean. My bean, flicked. My mind, pure.

Sazzle: “is this song joy orbison”

Today I am going to take my best friend all the various presents I’ve collected for her since Christmas. Maybe I should see my friends more often.

Forced to eat a fruitless hot cross bun due to lack of options and my god what a crime against humanity that was.

Think I’m gonna return to my life of celibacy. Yeah I was super depressed, forgot how to feel joy and I’m pretty sure my vagina broke but that’s still preferable to dating.

Feel like I should be more offended when guys blatantly stare at my tits but I mostly just find it funny

SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL IS GOING TO HAPPEN

The weather is so nice

I got a job in finance again. me….a guy who can barely do maths and thinks a LV handbag is a good investment

ITS COLD 😃😃😃😃😃😃

I want fish n chip but I don’t want to experience the humidity on the journey to collect fish and chip

I absolutely blasted through the interviews I did this week, I did so well. I’m not sure where that self belief even came from cos I been in a right poo poo mood.

Good news gang I’m going back to singing school

The huntsmen from a few days ago just ran under my bed so perhaps I should have addressed the issue at the time

This humidity got me wanting to kill everyone

Saw this huge huntsmen in my bedroom yesterday so I just went into another room for ages and now it’s gone. That’s the best way to solve problems.

I’m gonna be so mad if I get nuked because of some loser billionaire.

I hope dune 3 is 6 hours long

I’m absolutely cooked

every stupid thing brings us closer to Unreal Engine Mario

Getting a kebab

Woke up two messages, one from my mum and one from my bestie. They were both about possum invasions of their houses last night?!?? Is there some kind of possum uprising?

I’m in a bad mood

Every motherfucker and their dog has a dog in this town

Remember when I invented this meme format

I think I was worried about some stuff that was actually fine: my life story.

How come those big square ice cubes in Japan are so much better. Do they have special ice

I got back to Sydney and the border force guys are smoking darts right outside the airport door and the uber drivers are fighting this would never happen in japan!!! (I’m one of those people now)

I think ive done permanent damage to my body doing so much exercise

I got sunburnt on a ten degree day waahhh