No Kings
@cinema-diorama.bsky.social
đ€ 4338
đ„ 705
đ 1611
Increasingly despondent American.
Oh good, Trumpâs government is here to patrol our speech.
28 days ago
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If you have to be the eggman or the walrus, go eggman because youâll have union benefits.
about 1 month ago
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Iâve taken to carrying a fully loaded fire extinguisher with me at all times, in case an influencer begins filming within twenty feet of me.
about 1 month ago
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I donât make enough busking to keep pushing this grand piano all the way downtown every day.
about 1 month ago
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reposted by
No Kings
d.ly
about 1 month ago
itâs called 24k gold bc it weighs the same as 24 carrots, think like âhorsepowerâ itâs the power of 180 horses
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Right before my presentation to the shareholders, my boss asked how much prep Iâd done. âNone,â I said. âAre you serious?â âRemember,â I said, âmisplaced confidence is still confidence.â
about 1 month ago
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In Toy Story 5, the gang forms a tech startup and battles the dastardly Lots-o'-White Collar Crime Bear.
about 1 month ago
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Three artistic nudes and a Chipotle gift card with $41.64 werenât enough to bribe my way into Mensa.
about 1 month ago
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Being sedentary is harmful to the elderly, which is why I release king cobras in nursing homes.
about 1 month ago
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The Applebeeâs bartender just informed us thereâs only one mozzarella stick left in the freezer, and we all want it. So it looks like itâs Russian roulette time.
about 1 month ago
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Underfilling his air tank by ten minutes and then telling him it was full never failed to elicit laughs from the crew as Cousteau dove into the abyss.
about 1 month ago
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Riding this motorcycle down the interstate naked, save for a helmet, lets people know that while I care about my brain, I still have that devil-may-care whimsy.
about 1 month ago
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Whenever I go to a clownâs open-casket funeral, I hit the body in the face with a pie, just to make sure theyâre really dead.
about 1 month ago
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I attended an early screening of Hamnet last night, which I thought was a film about Shakespeare and his family, but it turns it out it's just two hours about a guy trying to build a pig trap.
about 1 month ago
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Though she was a successful writer, Edith Wharton's immense wealth came primarily from her plus-size clothing store, The House of Girth.
about 1 month ago
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It wasn't long before Hemingway regretted saying farewell to his arms.
about 1 month ago
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I was with LĂĄszlĂł Krasznahorkai at Pizza Hut today when he found out about the Nobel, and I leaned in and whispered into his ear, "You won this round, you bastard, but you won't win the next one."
about 1 month ago
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I'm the only oil that can accurately be called essential.
about 1 month ago
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I built a time machine so I could go back and meet all my old timey relatives but it turned out they were all just assholes and dipshits.
about 1 month ago
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I bet Thomas Jefferson would have loved Soul Train.
about 1 month ago
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reposted by
No Kings
Fun
about 1 month ago
not to brag but im probably really good at pole vaulting
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If these Antifa fellows were really any great shakes, theyâd be able to do something about these goddamn pelicans that keep following me and stealing my mail.
about 1 month ago
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Peter Dinklage should have played the lead in The Smashing Machine.
about 1 month ago
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Everything in IKEAâs Ed Gein Furniture Collection looks cheap.
about 1 month ago
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Evidently, the MacArthur Genius Grant committee doesnât follow me here on Bluesky.
about 1 month ago
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Conrad's original title for Heart of Darkness was, Congo River Spring Break: Booze 'n Boners
about 1 month ago
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Nothing tests the strength and quality of linen like a mummy's morning wood when a spell reanimates them after a few thousand years.
about 1 month ago
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If you die in a Culver's, they embalm you with the custard flavor of the day.
about 1 month ago
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As a child, little Edgar Allan Poe was driven to the point of madness by his older brother Kevin, who always called him Edgar Ellen Poe.
about 1 month ago
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All these oranges but no Julius.
about 1 month ago
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This bear is being all pissy because I told him I wouldnât read his poetry while he hibernates and then workshop it with him in the spring.
about 1 month ago
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The last time I was at this all-you-can-eat crab legs night, the owner tased me for âtaking it too literally.â But now Iâm back, and in a suit of armor this time, and I canât wait to see how that little son of a bitch handles this.
about 1 month ago
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I just gave a forty-five-minute presentation to the board of directors and no one noticed it was entirely Bugs Bunny quotes.
about 1 month ago
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This country would be much better off had it taken Benjamin Franklinâs recommendation to make Wooly Bully the national anthem.
about 1 month ago
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Frog and Toad Frame Earnest
about 1 month ago
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Bringing my service seal into this Coastal Seafoods was a stupid mistake thatâs going to cost me a goddamn fortune.
about 1 month ago
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Weâre out here trying to find this body, but this dumbass bloodhound keeps leading us straight to different White Castles.
about 1 month ago
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Paul Thomas Anderson is the filmmaker Quentin Tarantino thinks he is.
about 1 month ago
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If youâre in the Chiliâs bar and strike up a conversation with the Sopranoâs-looking guy next to you who reveals his work nickname is Tommy the Grandma Fucker, DO NOT ask him why.
about 1 month ago
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Ed Gein snapped because everyone laughed at his nautical poetry.
about 1 month ago
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The real question is who isnât afraid of Virginia Woolf?
about 1 month ago
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Miami Sex Machine, my g-string only Miami Sound Machine tribute act, didnât win many fans down here at this American Legion hall.
about 1 month ago
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I just got to this party in the Hamptons wearing all white and these Ivy League motherfuckers donât know what to do.
about 1 month ago
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There was a time in this country when people minded their own business while you weighed a brick of coke on the produce scale at the grocery store.
about 1 month ago
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The world would be a much more flavorless place had Aristotle not invented the gyro.
about 1 month ago
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In the â80s, my aunt Tiffanee created the precursor for OnlyFans by mailing nude Polaroids to people who sent her cash and self-addressed stamped envelopes.
about 1 month ago
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The Smashing Machine is me after two watermelon martinis.
about 1 month ago
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If you put a top hat and monocle on Bruce, your pet capybara, everyone will believe he's your pharmaceutical company's CEO.
about 1 month ago
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Sometimes I wonder how my life would have turned out if my uncle hadnât snuck up behind the doctor and blown that air horn during my circumcision.
about 1 month ago
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