FARAH: Your Honor, no cap: it’s lowkey giving criminal negligence. DEFENSE: Objection, Your Honor! JUDGE: Let him cook.

The stovetop here has a QUICK BOIL button, but I prefer old-fashioned, slow-boiled water. It’s less convenient, sure, but if you give it time, it’s so much juicier. The water just falls off the bone.

@macaroon1.bsky.social bad news: they didn’t stop at grapes. they’re making long shallots now, tryna give ‘em cute names like we’ll all be fooled

so thirsty for

see, first they ask you to park skate in the background of their music video, but pretty soon you’re dance skating at warehouse shows and the launch party for a new soccer team, and then suddenly you’re their bassist and doing a Polaroid photoshoot in a parking garage that’s how they get you!

some Polaroids from the past couple days, from my friend Nee

all of this is true!!

anyway, what else is going on

just screeched "WHAT" so loud they could hear it in Nuremberg

How will YOU be celebrating IDOVM this year??

at least there are lulz to be had between the dry heaves

The Kama Sutra (Graphic Novel Edition) and An Introduction to At-Home Taxidermy

This is literally “At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from classic sci-fi novel Don't Create The Torment Nexus”

I didn’t realize Apple did this for things besides iPads and iPhones!

chat, what do I do with this 10yo Beats earbuds charging case? It doesn’t hold a charge anymore, so couldn’t be a backup case, and the battery isn’t replaceable. Don’t want to put it in a landfill, can’t really recycle it. …thumbtack or safety pin storage? Any other ideas?

can’t wait to hug my smol son irl 🥹

why are teeth not included in healthcare coverage when they’re *literally bones in your face*

huge congrats to kevin james and amazon studios on the release of their new original movie

Brains are weird! I somehow learned a half-cab (fakie to 180° onto the coping) in 30m last night. Been working on backsides (the inverse, 180° onto coping facing front) for WEEKS and still don’t have them! And I ❤️ my friends so much—they were still cheering for me on like the tenth one I landed 🥲

[old man, in a trembling voice] BACK! Get back! Keep distance, man! There’s a BABY on board. And he’s MAD! Oh, mad, I tell ya! The devil’s own spawn. Got an evil eye—why, he’ll take your very soul! And they call this BEAST…Jaxsynne or Rhy’Ahn or some shit? like just a regular name spelled weird lmao

or TWO bakers, in the final episode I mean, I understand that they have to weed out the less-talented bakers somehow, but it just seems like a lot of senseless killing

One analytical model shows that, as of November 5th, the dismantling of U.S.A.I.D. has already caused the deaths of 600,000 people, two-thirds of them children. https://newyorkermag.visitlink.me/jUzNSc

i’m ready for something different than whatever the fuck this is

“You know, we did put a lot of people through hell—ultimately for nothing—but hey, we’ll get ‘em next time. Vote blue, no matter who!!!!” GET IN THE SEA, YOU IEFFECTUAL SLUGS

AOC should announce tonight

Herdling has been nominated for a Unity Award in the "Best 3D Visual" category 😍 Please consider voting for us on unity.com/awards !

Our pinball game for the @play.date "Devils on the Moon" is coming out this February! Can't wait for y'all to play it. you can wish it here play.date/games/devils... #indiegames #pixelart #pinball #Playdate

Streaming on Twitch, too! (I wanted @macaroon1.bsky.social to watch along and mock me MST-3K style, but she said no)

Live in five minutes! LET'S GOOOOO

Here’s our finale number, to the song Space Kitty! ✨🪐🐱✨ Thanks for the killer party, @cherrybombsfc.bsky.social ! We call the little intro bit where Shawn shoots the duck through my legs and Itzel pushes us the “vft”

What a blast to be a part of this! This team is going to be so fun. (can u believe I blinked) ((yes))

tell me about it, sister

Big day for people who care about other people

💯

while I actually think it’s important to talk about difficult subjects, there are some questions that are just rude, like, “how much do you weigh?” or “how did you manage to hit yourself in the face with a roller skate??”

getting silly and weird with friends is the ✨best✨ come see us at the USL W launch this Tuesday @ Lloyd Center! www.portlandbangers.com/usl-w-launch...

An order of chicken fingers is called a hand. “Gimme a hand of fingies,” you say. If you want dipping sauce you ask for them to “paint the nails.”

🎃🔴🟡🔵🎃 Happy Halloween! Almost time for a Big Walk with @househouse.bsky.social

PDX: looking for something to do tonight that’s fun and cheap? Why not drink a bunch of PBRs at a free show with us and some misc. rock and punk bands? There’s a costume contest!!

And so I wake up in the morning in an antique land And I see vast and trunkless legs in the sand And I read from the pedestal “Look on my works!”

it’s Halloween morning and I’ve awoken to people doing Ozymandias song parodies

I love Bake Off, but kinda wish they didn’t have to literally kill one of the bakers every week 😔

My little floof Bunny is very happy to be with the rest of the crew

your to-do list: • play herdling. it’s what you need in your life right now! • vote for herdling. it’s helpful to us! one day left to vote! goldenjoysticks.com • take the day off

we had a felting workshop at @panic.com yesterday! meet my calicorn, Gary

now even the people who supposedly LIKE baseball are complaining about baseball

PDX: we’re getting a new women’s soccer team! Come to the USL W launch event at Lloyd Center on Tuesday, 11/4 to catch me and a bunch of rad people roller skating with the band Fox Medicine!

They should invent a way out that isn't through

the news is wild rn