Ruin two bands blah blah blah Green Blue October Day I don't think I ruined either, as one already sucks and the other is meh-to-bleh Seriously, this is half-assed at best, why are we doing this [back to non-posting coma state]

Mary and Joseph get separated and Mary miscarries in an overcrowded detention center

My wife, to the cats about food: "You're not getting any tonight!" Me, to the cats, not about food: "Yeah, sucks, don'it?"

If you're a leftist this is the best day since... when

Rapture day more like "Rap? Sure!" day *beatboxes*

At incel meetings, is the “my turn to talk” object a shakeweight?

Thoughts and prayrrrrzzzz for chrrl… [trails off]

Let’s be real: if it’s not from the culinary district of Cheeseburg, it’s just a flatbeef sandwich with a slice of thickmilk

I ain’t gonna nag ain’t about to push and I’m runnin’ up dat hill like my name’s Kate Bush

*Maurice White voice* Ba-dee-yah Say, do you remember Ba-dee-yah Racin’ with SEBULBA [dives head-first into open rock quarry, saving crowd from effort of throwing stones]

Hulk Hogan, in Hell’s waiting room:

“Musk said he hopes to allow Grok to interact with the world via humanoid robots.” —“Musk makes grand promises about Grok 4 […]”; Hayden Field, The Verge, 2025-07-10 The likely robots in question:

I don’t really believe in an afterlife but I get the feeling that, for a lot of “christians“, it’s gonna be a lot like that scene in Goodfellas when Tommy thought he was going to become a made man “…oh noooo”

Sierra Mist is a stripper from South Bend

He proposes releasing some ICE prisoners to labor on farms where the employers will “own them” and be responsible for them. Historians have spent decades meticulously proving the straight line between slavery and modern capitalism’s concept of the laborer—or we could just let them say it.

I genuinely appreciate the candor; I was all, “what the fuck” when I got a “deleted” error upon tapping the post.

Today, we become closer to the year 2050 than we are to 2000. Have fun with that.

[scoffs, points at self] “pfft, this guy”

“I hope this email finds you after a protracted nationwide manhunt, before you become engaged in a standoff in a dilapidated shack in the woods outside a small town in Idaho”

Sometimes I’d just like to do a swan dive down an open elevator shaft. You might gasp and say “you shouldn’t say things like that!” I’d say you’re right. I wouldn’t do that I’m not that graceful. It’d be more of a half-assed cannonball, turning wildly into a belly flop, down an open elevator shaft

honestly? I’m okay with this

Vancouver Pope is next

If you sneeze, I’ll say “bless you.” H*ck, sneeze again, I’ll say it a second time. But if you sneeze a third time, I’m going to ask you to subscribe to Bless+™️ With Bless+™️, you’ll get three additional “bless yous” per day, for just $1.99* a month!