OH MY GOD

Ahh, the Disney Dreamlight Vallley October update, where a candle begs you to ask Belle to repair a book on home cleaning techniques but makes you promise not to tell Beast. Y’know, cause he’ll get violent if he hears his second house is dirty. Wrong kind of spooky, guys.

OhLordNotThisAgain.gif

“Dogs don’t understand sandboxes” they said. “She won’t want to dig in that” they said. 😂

Yep, it’s just like any other day here. My anti-hype self is definitely chilling out, not ricocheting around the room counting down to Borderlands 4 dropping tonight. Nope. That would be silly. Suuuuper chill over here.

No Man’s Sky Corvette expansion is great, I love picturing an entire dev team sitting down and going “okay everyone, now how do we make both Star Citizen and Starfield cry for the sheer, petty fun of it?”

I don’t mean to be depressing, I really don’t, but you do realize that the sitting President is ‘reforming’ elections, right? I don’t love Gavin Newsome, but if he wants to get jailed in 3 years like everyone who runs against Putin, I doubt that is more important than literally anything else today.

“A major and dominant player In the, let’s just call it comic book industry” is possibly the funniest comment on the Diamond antitrust case I’ve ever read in my life, this judge is a delight.

Gee, IDK why it’s so hard for the bankruptcy trustees to figure out who owns all the Diamond inventory…😂 The very idea of having to deal with that is EXHAUSTING.

Lol at the Dark Horse/Diamond contracts in the 90s laying out a quarter million loan to Diamond and also that when diamond calculates who gets the big market share companies for discounts and benefits dark horse counts for 15% of the comics market no matter what. Such a coincidence. 😂

Wait, the wingnuts are mad because of a boy cheerleader? Somehow I completely missed this one. God it sounds so exhausting being mad all the time like this.

Breaking News: while no food is particularly safe in the US right now, plus economics exist…if your option is seafood from Wal-mart or no seafood? Don’t eat seafood. That was dangerous as hell even when the FDA was still allowed to inspect things.

It's my birthday. It's my 50th birthday even. For half a century the universe has seriously tried (5 or 6 times last count) to kill me and failed. So today, selfishly, I want to ask a tiny favor. Go read (& share?) an announcement (way early which is unlike me) of a new thing coming your way...

The 300+ pages of filings in this case are an absolute goldmine for info on how comics got to their current state of complete industry dysfunction. www.comicsbeat.com/as-todays-di...

I paused to think about this too long, and the answer is definitely that as the world’s most dedicated self-insert fanfic author, Virgil would be mildly disapproving at how much Frank clearly wants to fuck a building.

Oh, I cannot WAIT to see how they try to rephrase that to make it better.

Wow, Fs in chat for Valiant I guess, that’s certainly A Choice…all the excellent work their PR team did a few years back to make them relevant, up in impressively unsubtle flames.

Well, I see the Optum Group’s lawyers have noticed that the rule of law is in tatters with this ‘your psychiatrist has to work for the same company as your PCP’ bull. And they might even make an exception if you get sent to the wrong company’s hospital! SO generous. 🙄

Okay wait, Pazuzu was super evil despite being in a small girl; why would the biggest Labubu be the strongest? It’s clearly too expensive to belong to any child. THINK, PEOPLE! 🙄

Okay, i just realized Lindsey Lohan is in Freakier Friday and meanwhile I’ve been idly wondering why they recast her for MONTHS! I am shooketh. Like…go for it, buy any face you want to have, but it makes the nostalgia sequel feel VERY weird.

*jazz hands* Subtlety!

Let’s be clear here: Disney making their cozy game’s plot “oh no, the IRS is coming to tax the giant monopoly run by the ultra-rich character you routinely beg for money in game, we must stop them!” is just straight up corpo propaganda wearing a satire hat.

Today in “WTF is wrong with Disney Dreamlight Valley?” News, the evil plot is now Hades trying to tax Scrooge McDuck’s store and regulate restaurant food, so maybe don’t eat the turkey legs at Disneyland for a while…

Trying to keep a straight face while someone with no accent suddenly says “our church does not accept the HoMOSexUAL LifestYLe” like their soul just got dragged down to Hell/Texas.

Very happy to see this project getting more pledges! They need just over 4K in the next 12 hours. It's 2025 and racists are running the country, friends. Projects like this are harder than ever to make. And they're AWESOME & ESSENTIAL. Please do check it out. www.kickstarter.com/projects/844...

“Please give the DNC money, y’all. We’ve got new initiatives like actually trying to correct fake info, and we’ve invented this new thing where we meet our constituents and let them talk. it’s cutting edge!” Whoever hired the intern who wrote the 2025 membership letters should get ousted, WTF.

Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy was like detonating a nuke; interesting and flashy for 10 seconds, then a source of inescapable cancerous decay for 20 years and counting.

Some musician in my local park is playing Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy, and my puppy started crying. My dog is objectively correct about music.

Apparently the local music in the park festival is sponsored by bluesky this year, so, uh….way to amplify that twangy local, I guess? (I’m sure they are swell, I am just predisposed to hate any musician who starts their set twanging about ‘murica and BBQ.)

Like, I didn’t get a screenshot of the literal web crawler because I had to think about it for slightly too long. But somehow Dollman made it out of the drafts at the same time.

They gave the corpo goon a logo neck brand & covered him in spiders. That’s some A+ storytelling for gaming. Then again, there is also a guy whose identity fused with an actual puppet in the room, and I really would appreciate if this developer could pick a lane between clever commentary & drivel.

“Oh wow, who could this incredibly creepy rich eccentric anonymous patron possibly be?” - She said, wondering absently how much more it costs to get a day of Troy Baker on set these days

I have updated the name of this game to Death Stranding 2: I HATE THIS FRAGILE THE TRADWIFE NONSENSE SO FREAKING MUCH, ARGH (God I hope Fragile dies horribly at the inevitable infanticide scene rather than turning out to have a complex arc, but also…no way I’m that lucky)

Wow, I…uh…I thought it would take more than 5 hours, but no, the Metal Gear vibes are strong once more…it must be super awkweird to be Guillermo del Toro and suddenly you are playing your friend’s self-insert’s OTP.

Death Stranding 2 looks lovely and plays perfectly fine thus far, btw. It’s Kojima, I’m confident that the overall narrative is deep, humanist and meaningful, that the gameplay is well-considered and thematic, and the plot will be as subtle as getting hit in the head with a deeply closeted brick.

“Gee, I can’t wait to come home and find my toddler and this suspicious woman in one piece, with absolutely zero death monsters chewing on them, yessiree, this doesn’t seem like a situation that will involve Troy Baker in any way!”

Death Stranding 2: Sam is still a simp for every deeply suspicious uncanny-valley-ass woman he sees, apparently.

*sighs, opens Death Stranding 2* Okay Kojima, time to play chicken with my ADHD-addled patience once again.

She’s just chilling like this, for all the world as if any dog normally prefers to relax en pointe.

Happy Nonbinary Day! Borders are fake, no check-box can contain you, you are made of multitudes; you're everything and everyone you can imagine and you don't have to prove it to anyone. There are more genders in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in their philosophy. Be free.

are all of your favorite franchises woke now? or did 80+ years of jingoist propaganda and public education cuts turn you into a captain planet villain who thinks caring about other human beings is weakness? the answer may surprise you

If you put Prince Eric and Princess Aurora in a room together, they’d just stare blankly at each other until the heat death of the universe.

Dreamlight Valley just told me to “think like Princess Aurora”. I’m sorry, but Aurora had roughly 3 thoughts in that movie. 1) why can’t I hang out with the random hot adult until I turn 16? 2) ooh, shiny! 3) I’m tired. …I mean, I am tired, so…partial credit, I guess?

…okay, no notes, Maleficent is a gosh darn delight, girly moved to town and took up Dark Side electricity fishing like it was no big deal.

Idk anything about this woman, but she is speaking absolute truth in this clip, and that is so rare it is beautiful to see.

Disney out here aggressively not teaching children their colors, apparently. 😂

“Gee, zoomers only take vacation when actively melting down from burnout, and they make a lot of jokes about this being the closest they’ll get to retirement…now how do we make this trend sound upbeat and businessy?”

What are you talking about? English is easy! Just remember that lead rhymes with led, but lead rhymes with lede. Similarly, read rhymes with red, but read rhymes with reed. Couldn't be simpler!

*clears throat* Without opining on some person in NYC I don’t know, the US was literally a Democratic Socialist Republic until this year, so I’m really enjoying everyone starting posts with “I’m not a democratic socialist, but…” Nice to see that US education system shining through.

Okay, nothing but love to this human, but I really need you all to collectively process that the answer is “this is a fascist autocracy now” You can be charged because the orange man wants you to be. He doesn’t obey court orders. There is literally no one government entity who can come stop him.