So I’m driving through the state park to the off-leash area, and in the distance there is Santa Claus, with his sack, and a handful of adults following him into the hills. An hour later I’m leaving, and there are some people coming back down that path, one of whom has a Santa hat on.

Or Samantha herself. Or Josephina. Seriously, I have so much of this stuff and zero idea what to do with it.

Does anyone know anyone who cares about American Girl doll stuff? I know people care about the stuff and I have a lot, but heck if I know how to find someone who wants Samantha’s desk and wardrobe. 🙄

The mental image of this meat fridge of a man staring blankly into space, thinking “huh, I guess I probably shattered her self-worth and identity with that, oh well, the icky magic aura made me do it” is the most profoundly human thing I’ve ever read, and I cannot stop laughing.

So I’m reading Xenos, and it is the funniest possible book for me to start reading Warhammer from. I will now tell the void the plot of Xenos, but just the bits with women in, because LOL.

So…in fairness it turns out Abnett’s Warhammer 40K books are compelling as hell, so this is apparently a thing I read now, serves me right for snarking about it.

…wow, that is the most cursed description I’ve ever seen. Well done?

Not gonna lie, I kind of respect Disney for realizing what I was gonna do and enabling me.

B*tch, WHERE? Tinkerbell is over here gaslighting me.

Gotta say, as a human who mostly knows Dan Abnett for writing the gayest possible Hercules comic, the genuine reverence of Warhammer YouTubers talking about his ultra-grimdark war novels is delightful. We love a king with range.

The second least plausible thing about Warhammer 40K is how the 14-odd simultaneous roided up meat tank eugenics programs didn’t devolve into a race war, instead they all just murdered millions of people over their different flavors of daddy issues. That’s right there is cultural progress.

The only implausible thing in Warhammer 40K is that there are Imperium planets where techbros *didn’t* invent exciting new applications for warp-based labor saving and turn the planet into a blighted hellscape.

Listen, I don’t expect a movie that calls itself Tron to make sense. But why would you build your generic robocop with the most pretentious millennial hair ever? And does Leto’s contract rider include a ban on hair ties, or is he so painfully self-serious that no one has dared suggest a man bun?

Today in total nonsequitors: Why did people think Slenderman was such a cool concept back in the day, he’s basically just Jack Skellington in a boring suit.

OH MY GOD

Ahh, the Disney Dreamlight Vallley October update, where a candle begs you to ask Belle to repair a book on home cleaning techniques but makes you promise not to tell Beast. Y’know, cause he’ll get violent if he hears his second house is dirty. Wrong kind of spooky, guys.

OhLordNotThisAgain.gif

“Dogs don’t understand sandboxes” they said. “She won’t want to dig in that” they said. 😂

Yep, it’s just like any other day here. My anti-hype self is definitely chilling out, not ricocheting around the room counting down to Borderlands 4 dropping tonight. Nope. That would be silly. Suuuuper chill over here.

No Man’s Sky Corvette expansion is great, I love picturing an entire dev team sitting down and going “okay everyone, now how do we make both Star Citizen and Starfield cry for the sheer, petty fun of it?”

I don’t mean to be depressing, I really don’t, but you do realize that the sitting President is ‘reforming’ elections, right? I don’t love Gavin Newsome, but if he wants to get jailed in 3 years like everyone who runs against Putin, I doubt that is more important than literally anything else today.

“A major and dominant player In the, let’s just call it comic book industry” is possibly the funniest comment on the Diamond antitrust case I’ve ever read in my life, this judge is a delight.

Gee, IDK why it’s so hard for the bankruptcy trustees to figure out who owns all the Diamond inventory…😂 The very idea of having to deal with that is EXHAUSTING.

Lol at the Dark Horse/Diamond contracts in the 90s laying out a quarter million loan to Diamond and also that when diamond calculates who gets the big market share companies for discounts and benefits dark horse counts for 15% of the comics market no matter what. Such a coincidence. 😂

Wait, the wingnuts are mad because of a boy cheerleader? Somehow I completely missed this one. God it sounds so exhausting being mad all the time like this.

Breaking News: while no food is particularly safe in the US right now, plus economics exist…if your option is seafood from Wal-mart or no seafood? Don’t eat seafood. That was dangerous as hell even when the FDA was still allowed to inspect things.

It's my birthday. It's my 50th birthday even. For half a century the universe has seriously tried (5 or 6 times last count) to kill me and failed. So today, selfishly, I want to ask a tiny favor. Go read (& share?) an announcement (way early which is unlike me) of a new thing coming your way...

The 300+ pages of filings in this case are an absolute goldmine for info on how comics got to their current state of complete industry dysfunction. www.comicsbeat.com/as-todays-di...

I paused to think about this too long, and the answer is definitely that as the world’s most dedicated self-insert fanfic author, Virgil would be mildly disapproving at how much Frank clearly wants to fuck a building.

Oh, I cannot WAIT to see how they try to rephrase that to make it better.

Wow, Fs in chat for Valiant I guess, that’s certainly A Choice…all the excellent work their PR team did a few years back to make them relevant, up in impressively unsubtle flames.

Well, I see the Optum Group’s lawyers have noticed that the rule of law is in tatters with this ‘your psychiatrist has to work for the same company as your PCP’ bull. And they might even make an exception if you get sent to the wrong company’s hospital! SO generous. 🙄

Okay wait, Pazuzu was super evil despite being in a small girl; why would the biggest Labubu be the strongest? It’s clearly too expensive to belong to any child. THINK, PEOPLE! 🙄

Okay, i just realized Lindsey Lohan is in Freakier Friday and meanwhile I’ve been idly wondering why they recast her for MONTHS! I am shooketh. Like…go for it, buy any face you want to have, but it makes the nostalgia sequel feel VERY weird.

*jazz hands* Subtlety!

Let’s be clear here: Disney making their cozy game’s plot “oh no, the IRS is coming to tax the giant monopoly run by the ultra-rich character you routinely beg for money in game, we must stop them!” is just straight up corpo propaganda wearing a satire hat.

Today in “WTF is wrong with Disney Dreamlight Valley?” News, the evil plot is now Hades trying to tax Scrooge McDuck’s store and regulate restaurant food, so maybe don’t eat the turkey legs at Disneyland for a while…

Trying to keep a straight face while someone with no accent suddenly says “our church does not accept the HoMOSexUAL LifestYLe” like their soul just got dragged down to Hell/Texas.

Very happy to see this project getting more pledges! They need just over 4K in the next 12 hours. It's 2025 and racists are running the country, friends. Projects like this are harder than ever to make. And they're AWESOME & ESSENTIAL. Please do check it out. www.kickstarter.com/projects/844...

“Please give the DNC money, y’all. We’ve got new initiatives like actually trying to correct fake info, and we’ve invented this new thing where we meet our constituents and let them talk. it’s cutting edge!” Whoever hired the intern who wrote the 2025 membership letters should get ousted, WTF.

Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy was like detonating a nuke; interesting and flashy for 10 seconds, then a source of inescapable cancerous decay for 20 years and counting.

Some musician in my local park is playing Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy, and my puppy started crying. My dog is objectively correct about music.

Apparently the local music in the park festival is sponsored by bluesky this year, so, uh….way to amplify that twangy local, I guess? (I’m sure they are swell, I am just predisposed to hate any musician who starts their set twanging about ‘murica and BBQ.)

Like, I didn’t get a screenshot of the literal web crawler because I had to think about it for slightly too long. But somehow Dollman made it out of the drafts at the same time.

They gave the corpo goon a logo neck brand & covered him in spiders. That’s some A+ storytelling for gaming. Then again, there is also a guy whose identity fused with an actual puppet in the room, and I really would appreciate if this developer could pick a lane between clever commentary & drivel.

“Oh wow, who could this incredibly creepy rich eccentric anonymous patron possibly be?” - She said, wondering absently how much more it costs to get a day of Troy Baker on set these days

I have updated the name of this game to Death Stranding 2: I HATE THIS FRAGILE THE TRADWIFE NONSENSE SO FREAKING MUCH, ARGH (God I hope Fragile dies horribly at the inevitable infanticide scene rather than turning out to have a complex arc, but also…no way I’m that lucky)

Wow, I…uh…I thought it would take more than 5 hours, but no, the Metal Gear vibes are strong once more…it must be super awkweird to be Guillermo del Toro and suddenly you are playing your friend’s self-insert’s OTP.

Death Stranding 2 looks lovely and plays perfectly fine thus far, btw. It’s Kojima, I’m confident that the overall narrative is deep, humanist and meaningful, that the gameplay is well-considered and thematic, and the plot will be as subtle as getting hit in the head with a deeply closeted brick.

“Gee, I can’t wait to come home and find my toddler and this suspicious woman in one piece, with absolutely zero death monsters chewing on them, yessiree, this doesn’t seem like a situation that will involve Troy Baker in any way!”