I really needed sleep so bad last night after my surprise flat tire once again put me behind being able to pay my car insurance by the 19th, etc. No matter how much effort I put in, everything is just impossible. I ended up crying all night, and can't breathe well enough now to sleep at all.

only when indigenous brown, black, and poc people want their lands governed by themselves are we accused of wanting ethnostates.

My heart isn't doing very well at all tonight. And I have to try to work again tomorrow if I can stay out of the hospital. I'm sorry if I can't finish this. I'm trying. Idek if you're still here anyway, maybe not. But it's hard rn. I can't do better for myself with so much to do until next month.

Me, writing today before I force myself to go and work so I can buy a meal replacement shake for me and even a day's worth of food for my kid, a $5 gallon of gas or in case another little bill comes out of my tiny bank account: Crying. Over and over. Writing me is too much sometimes / always lol.

Since Patreon was recently updated so creators could find each other last week, it's much better over there. This one made a beautiful, digital memorial for her precious daughter. I'm really so thankful she found my work helpful, and highly recommend hers for grief. www.patreon.com/posts/157394...

Re-run of thread because I genuinely do love so many of y'all and if it helps anyone again, I want people to see it. 💚 Again, please forgive typos.

I had another plan before for my next piece but during my ride home from my doctor appt just now, I was nearly crying over something I'd already planned to write for Larken. I have to write that next, instead. It's time to be kind to myself and address this in me through this process,

The headlines from non-Native sources don't say it, but the kids are Indigenous. The boy who they murdered was 12, his older brother, who they also tortured is 14.

Hind Rajab would've been 8-years-old today.

It's times like these I really love and miss David Lynch. How can I not appreciate the concept/ construction of Laura, who means so much to me for my best childhood friend who was killed and had a similar childhood, or even for myself in another way after certain themes throughout my life?

Bad things have happened to me in the last year that I never disclosed publicly, simply "took care of" quietly and moved tf on like it didn't happen because it's happened too many times in my life. It's a dangerous world for someone like me.

This has also become entirely my vibe, one way or another.

Why do I usually want tats the most when there's no possibility of spending that kind of money on myself? Why do I want this one I just described in my drafts more than any other when I also couldn't even medically handle the healing process? 😡

So tired of this grand experiment of some folks playing in shit at all others' expense even after others try to clean things up. But you can't keep it clean, the shit itself is structural to the situation.

I really can't process this and it's making it hard to focus today. Every time I think I've healed it, she makes sure to puncture the wound of being conceived on purpose for meeting a certain need, only to... Lol, right. Anyway, I know that I, too, have been looking for a mother my whole life.

I wasn't gonna comment on the worst, most obvious false flag attempt yet in the series but this shit is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. No arguing, absurdity is funny, the patsy didn't die, nothing else about these assholes is funny besides they can't get even 1/3 false flags right. Shh.

music.youtube.com/watch?v=pw8i... I'm a real pig-blood-soaked fuckin homecoming queen 👑 ...They're all gonna laugh at me

I loved Sinners and I've looked forward to this film, too, as far as the award-winners go, from what I understand about it. Tomorrow night, 8 pm, I'll be watching this. If you happen to watch this when I will, it's like watching it wiv me in a way.

As an aside, I'm not charging for this one to be cruel, I'm guarding it from more casual reading. Both out of protectiveness (yes, I know, but I am trying) and because it's a bit of a time jump in the chronology of events. But if you're wondering something else while you wait, it's also here.

It's different to be sitting here finished, the post scheduled to the minute for release on the exact time stamp of the last thing I said before silence fell. Especially today, the most ironic day for the "bookends" anniversaries of life when it held joy or promise. Supposed to be chill today. 😵‍💫

So much has changed for and within our precious one over the twelve years since Rewards, but having this heart never did, even when Kieran has learned to show up with it differently. www.patreon.com/posts/147654...

To the question: YES. For years. More than any person ever has or ever will in context of all humanity. Not hyperbole, it's the truth of my very existence, the entire fucking point of it all besides two little adults out here starting their lives, this yes. There's no benefit for me to say it now

Next in the seemingly shuffled up series is our darling little Kieran in this warm, formative-memory-time-capsule from 1995 Brunswick, GA. www.patreon.com/posts/153688...

In preparation for my next release, it's time to revisit certain events that lead into it. Let's start here. Has he ever left his corner? www.patreon.com/posts/142554...

Idk how I'll possibly make it to the end of this month now, as my only means to earn income rn, which I desperately needed to do nearly all weekend and next week to even get close just broke down. I know no one will help me. So, yeah this could actually be it for me lmfao. I'm already dying.

You broke our hearts early on, without meaning to but not knowing what else to do. I broke our hearts a little over a year ago, only with intent to preserve them quite literally, as best as I was able or knew how. We just didn't understand from the other's pov.

It hurts so much

I'm interrupting this regularly scheduled lack of broadcasting to tell you that people hoping to renew insurance sales licenses in Maryland will have citizenship questions and requirements to answer on applications after 4/10/2026. @govwesmoore.bsky.social is this a "cooperate with ICE" initiative?

Epiphany:

A few final notes before I mostly get quiet. In addition to the love of my life, I've been lucky to have made the acquaintance of one other person who is similarly heroic in her own way. I want to shout out but not embarrass you, but you are here. Thank you for being there for me and for helping.

I may be much quieter. I need more sleep and must devote most of my time to the work. I'll be back to post my novel's excerpts, my articles, and maybe a bit here and there, (and a few videos on my secret backup) but I really have to focus on completing this with everything I have left. 💚

I don't know if Juniper and the children were able to be saved from homelessness, but if not I have lived this & NEED y'all to push this harder now especially because hotel living with disabled children is SO expensive. They NEED help more than ever once the floorboards of housing give out.

The fucking French bakery is sending up a beacon into the sky that showers banners with my name on them at this point. My goodness, it's just a cream filled donut at the end of the day, even if it's the best.

Earlier I broke into a sweat at the dispensary and my kid was looking at like wtf? Rn I'm sitting and my heart is going 50,000 mph. I can't get away from this. I can't escape it. The only way out is through.

I need you, always, so it's ok if you need me too. Can't help it, and I'm not trying to. It won't work. Anyway, I'm not asking you to be anything other than what you are. You're already worth it, without having to be what you think of as enough. Already, you're my ideal counterpart as is.

There is no debt between us. Giving to you is like giving to the self I can't reach. The one I'm afraid to look at, that didn't deserve me to hate for not protecting me. Innocence, true little heart.

music.youtube.com/watch?v=6Mx5... Gently

I'm still in the good wifi hospital since I passed out was it yesterday morning? I have it in my drafts, what we were really feeling but hid from each other a year ago today, when you finally answered me. What we should've said. What we actually meant, each of us. But I'll put it in the book. Ily.

Oopsies I forgot to eat or drink anything the entire day. Ok no more deadlines. But this is the one I had to complete on time.

If you read my work, would you mind letting me know now or in a couple days if my latest QR codes still work? I eventually just had to screenshot the code before I could do anything with it, rather than use a download because they kept corrupting. (I use QR-codemonkey.com, for reference) Thank you.

www.patreon.com/posts/reward... What memories do you cherish? This is a precious moment in time in the life of Kieran Vega.

This is a nightmare. Every single step in the process of making these codes and getting them into the piece is multiplied by 10 on this phone. That's after my c/p on it would only work as plain text. Like I don't have time for this BS today!!!

Research and prose pouring, ✅. Editing through the final pass through, ✅. Musical curation, ✖️. Art reversed, ✅.

💝 I love you.

The notification popped up as if it needed to and I feel like cardiac arrest is gonna happen if I don't complete it today. No sleep, no nothing else now, until this is done.