I’m so exhausted with the inhumanity of this gig economy. We used to build blowjob factories in this country.

NEW: Historically poisonous mouthpiece sees a soft easy one gliding over the plate

I drank an ice-cold glass of shut the fuck up & I must scream.

Back to drinking my chocolate milk while soft as a fried egg hanging over a walnut

Well well, if isn’t mister well well, the man full of good water.

You can technically eat anything dick shaped as long as it in a bowl

Back at it again in the mines

Got priced out of my apt. due to new ownership and am scrambling to land in a new place, covering back bills so I can move services, deposits, rent etc. So I’ll be streaming nearly nonstop with few breaks until I’m safe! Join me for the Gentrification Survival FUN Drive on twitch.tv/videohellsystem

The sound my mouth makes when I’m stupid

Wrote a spec script for “Is it cake” where they just bring out a Texas sheet cake that was mildly poison colored and the judges were all visibly nervous.

A Prerecorded podcast ad induced panic attack

Believe it or not the plot is just Tommy Boy

You know when you see a loose andouille and think “I bet it would look funny if I winged this like a boomerang”? You know what I’m talking about?

Stop saying Emerald Fennel! This is earth not Redwall!

I’m asked to leave the Barnes and Noble just for taking the Uncle John Bathroom Reader for a test-drive in the stall, yet Kevin Spacey is still getting work. That’s interesting to me.

Remembering that time I found like 2/3 of a beautiful pearl necklace just lying in the cobblestone on Crime Alley. Call it my lucky necklace now.

Remembering that time I found like 2/3 of a beautiful pearl necklace just lying in the cobblestone on Crime Alley. Call it my lucky necklace now.

Could a human ever kiss Mayor McCheese? Can an ant find a seat in the court of a god?

I s2g, y’all would rather support the summoners of new dark gods than install Linux

Me trying another new fucking thing

I’m here for a fun time not a good time bitch

They shouldn’t have resurrected Mr.Peanut

Did we get closure on Jelly Roll’s politics yet?

We simply gotta start killing people

Anything smaller than a pea is a chemical, we know this

Unbelievable. This gargoyle.

I’ve been spending my time single training myself to wake up automatically in a panting sweat and screaming “augghhh….how many years was I gone here?!”

Me on the stand: …lol no jk. Imagine. Nah He was dead when I got there.

It’s Ash Wednesday and that means you all have to tip me for my posts

Wh…you gotta imagine like 11 would be enough right?

Context If you haven’t payed this game, that triangle under his belly is his penis

Ok I guess I’ll just take Lemon Party off my letterboxd watchlist since none of you can avoid spoiling it right now

My enemy leads me into an insidious hall of mirrors and it’s only matter of seconds before we all start kissing me

Walking in the family room with my satiny sapphire blouse with the 3 foot shoulder-pads and big pastor-wife pearls: Yes that’s French they’re speaking, and no these children aren’t French…

Believe it or not my oral sex warm ups and ventriloquism exercises are pretty different

I’m awake, showered, and ready to credulously meet criminals halfway

Imagine this being the weapon that murdered You

🎶 would-n’t there be mice, if we left cheese out 🎶

The loathsome bathroom-salad eater

They shoulda made the whole urinary tract out of cranberry juice

*burps every president. The whole town hall cheers. The mayor kills himself in shame*

If you can’t crack FL I don’t think you can wield a computer in a way to make pleasing music anyway.

I found a book of blowjob riddles.

“I want to set something straight as someone who was a US Attorney for seven years. Imagine if you will a big ham sandwich, a big plate of gabbagool, maybe some slices of soppressata, with the sweet peppers from the jar, a big ball of fresh mozzarella… and basically my point is that’s where we are”

Twitch.tv/videohellsystem man it’s nightman night again!

Yeah oh yeah I want the crinkle instead of the curly fries. yeah I want you to throw in a 9volt for me to lick too. You piece of shit.