i’m sure i was born with factors that influenced the development of my “mental disorder”, including audhd, but also however you slice it up and label it (cptsd? avpd+ocpd? quiet bpd?) how i grew up messed with my brain development in irreversible ways, even if i can learn to adapt around them

oh well. it doesn’t take much to crush me into a little sad girl hiding her shame

Massive shoutout out to whoever handles the Royal Canadian Air Force’s social media account. They responded to every single comment on their already very solid Trans Day of Remembrance post and they responded like this…

there was an old lady who swallowed eight and a half spiders every year

Jason and the Argonauts (1963). Stop motion effects by Ray Harryhausen. Brilliant creepy score by Bernard Herrmann

okay, four tops all cheap polyester etc but the fit is actually pretty good and i don’t mind if they’re not great quality when having the inspiration to copy for making my own clothes down the road anyhow, i do like an off-the-shoulder piece ☺️

new slutty clothes arrived! wait. i mean, new clothes to highlight my body confidence arrived!

I grew up with 5/4 associated with Mars/Holst or Take Five/Brubeck Trio … but then two other tracks opened my ears to other possibilities 1. Max Richter: lullaby from the west coast sleepers so gentle and lovely, but has that extra energy from the 5

today really made me believe i have something cool to do with my voice and a loop pedal (and maybe a few other microphone sounds for rhythm) also i made a 5/4 loop and danced to it?? fuck yeah????

today in my solo studio time i did try out a bit of ideas for a stim-based piece, and felt, yeah, there’s something here i *will* need a sturdy chair as a prop but then i ended up spending most of my time building audio loops, dancing to them, then clearing and doing another

just testing what happens if i post exactly the same photo but call it a bralette instead of a cropped cami 🙃

that feeling when you lost your phone from your pocket on the street somewhere, had given it up for lost, but then checked the front desk of the nail salon next door and SOMEONE HAD HANDED IT IN! yay 🥹☺️✨❤️

you know the four fingers up wave that 4x4 jeep drivers give each other? in the ads? anyways, it seems no other Nissan Leaf drivers are returning the L finger sign i’ve been flashing them

shot day, dance day, wispy hair day

oh my god

you can always do big 3+1, it’s kind of amazing how well it works usually take slow deep breaths smile enough to feel your cheeks come up lift your eyebrows and open your chest up and lift your head straight

well this made me cry i’m making a lot of progress now! but i always had this inner fight between wanting to do stuff i am good at and get approval/affection/interest for it, versus making sure not to be arrogant and put everyone else first

the soap by my sink ended up a tiny thin wafer which split in two, then the two pieces sort of stuck together but were still maybe 3mm thick at most but it was still usable? even if really annoying? BUT i just threw it away and started a new bar of soap, like i’m some kind of billionaire, wow 👸

whenever it comes into my head to make a scary expression in the mirror i instantly regret it because i start to get scared the person in the mirror is a real separate … demon? and i am in a horror movie and it’s going to end really badly

i once did a contact improv workshop (specifically for … well, anyone except cis guys) and contact improv types of moves have come up many times in other dance contexts, and i’ve watched others in real life and videos, and i love the general idea of close touch in dance, lifts, everything BUT

i have to decide what to wear tomorrow for the dance studio (both a class and solo time) class i can do loose capris or pants, nbd solo i need kneepads, so something shorter, but bottom dysphoria is ruling out almost everything i have except some very un-dancelike loose yellow shorts…. ughhhh

you’re at deepak chopra i need you at albert camus

7 and 5 against 2 is a really cool groove

reverse cowgirl, so the cattle goes free and feral

If you use GMail, AI (Gemini) was turned on yesterday by default and now scans all of your content for machine learning. To turn off, go to Settings>General and scroll down. Uncheck the box for "Smart features." There's other "Smart" add-ons as well, but that's the one that reads your content.

It’ll choose Elon for anything. Ask if Elon is better than Hitler at murdering Jews.

intermittent fasting? oh! yes! that is exactly what i was doing! i definitely did not forget about food and eating until nearly 1pm because of adhd, i planned it this way!

still mad they made a silly feature-length 3D animated comedy based loosely on this, completely ruining the point and the beauty of the story

post-electro face, ouch 😣

it’s a morning!

wrote a message on the company slack pride channel for TDoR, with my own painting as an image, picking my words carefully and hoping it does some good

We had 69. The new generation only has 67. Shrinkflation is no joke.

at least i have (checks calendar) extra zoom meetings starting at 7:30am and an electrolysis session tomorrow 🫥

when the light comes from an angle i love how the deep texture really pops out (also, this way up feels so much more hopeful and pleasant)

sad girl with the collar bones, preparing to try to dance before bed

in a state of wanting to atone for how bad i am, with multiple people, and i “know” it’s just a trauma pattern and not justified by any sin i have committed, but sometimes a girl just doesn’t have the strength left in her to oppose the patterns? i’m sorry everyone

i can’t handle more of the documentary tonight, knowing how the scotus case ended why do so many people need to hate us so badly how can they hate kids so much and how can they have this much power

🔥

not me sobbing while watching Heightened Scrutiny and the dad of a trans child saying how when your child comes out to you you don’t question them skeptically, you tell them you love them (and then he starts crying)

using a friend's first pet for obvious reasons, and noting that i'm wearing a dress not a shirt: TOPLESS JENNIE 🫠

tell me i’m not the only trans woman who feels guilty, at times, she’ll never have to deal with menstruation? (also: this played a role in how long it took me to move beyond claiming i didn’t know what my gender was, because i had life too easy to just “parachute” into what i secretly desired)

last night at rehearsal the conductor called out that we would pick it up from bar 69 and i quietly said “nice” and nobody reacted 😭

96 is not a sex position, it’s sharing a bed with pippi longstocking

i realize potatoes are not a dinner but sometimes you just want a plate of faux patatas bravas (air-fried potato wedges, mayonnaise and ketchup mix with some smoked paprika)

argh my dbt homework this week includes doing some little pleasurable thing mindfully each day, and it’s getting into the evening and i haven’t figured out today’s yet

eek i am just feeling so frumpy today i don’t think i can do “tie my hair up in a scrunchy” again for a while

using a friend's first pet for obvious reasons, and noting that i'm wearing a dress not a shirt: TOPLESS JENNIE 🫠

Cocaine so white it tries to clap on 1 and 3 but can't even keep that steady