it is really really unfortunate that the local public mental health system has left me with trauma, both from two decades back and my recent encounters with psychiatric care of all the places you need a positive medical experience

i miss therapy with my old therapist so much, even though i really do like my new therapist

she’s a ten, but that’s only in CAD

New dating strategy just dropped

i would absolutely rock jlaw’s givenchy dress

girl who describes all good art as transsexualesque

i at least made stew for dinner

i know the game plan is working on basic regulation skills so things don’t send me into crisis as much, and then working on the Problems but it’s hard when all i get a sense i am doing is trying to withstand suffering without killing myself, not making anything better

i have listened to this track on repeat all day (really noticing it in the louder white noise i continuously hear these days) just trying to recover from yesterday’s flashback fuck

hair behind ears except for a little wisp from up the side, kinda cute

so you’re a ballerina? point taken

found a transphobic sticker the other day and fixed it.

i am feeling too tall today. everything is bit further away than it should be.

girl who would call her therapist if there was some way she could definitely not be overheard but without making it look like she was avoiding being overheard when the call is returned

can i confirm you want to cancel? [sure] [cancel]

okay today i have a really hard time feeling i can possibly claim to have experienced traumatizing events, the histrionic chutzpah of it

I will accept no moral high ground from a government that refuses to ban a platform that is actively, in real time, right in front of our faces, creating child sexual abuse materials. They're not banning it and there are still government departments with official Twitter accounts. Fuck Carney.

the epic cold weather battle: blowing my nose vs wearing foundation

these days when i make coffee at home it’s almost always pour-over, but before that it was mokapot, and ages ago french press, with bouts of just instant at some points, and even the occasional dalliance with a hand-pumped camp espresso maker. [there are very typically aurora Reasons for all this]

something i noticed years and years ago, in viola lessons in fact (before i began in-depth therapy), is that i almost always tense in my abdomen, “sucking in my belly” to some extent it’s pretty common i think, especially in women (though i didn’t know i was trans at that point)

okay the other thing about avatar 2 and 3 is that i just don’t like the main characters

the irony of the white house gang destroying the world in the futile wish to have a dick as big as mine, while i can’t wait to be rid of it

see if i were the king of the ringwraiths i’d make sure word got around that “no _person_ can kill me” gender neutral language matters, people

Incredibly important new study from Cal Horton @fiercemum.bsky.social - the first to look at England's post-Cass child/adolescent gender clinics. Dr Horton found patients and families are being actively harmed, with one young person describing appointments as "the worst thing I’ve ever experienced”.

wondering if trump’s venezuela adventure was pure and simple reaction to the peace prize — “that’s what they care about? i’ll do it better and then they have to give it to me!”

Haha love (some) Seurat and also thought some of the rural landscapes in that show were beautiful eg

By now, asteroid 2026 Dreadstone has impacted the Indian Ocean, sparking a firestorm not seen on this planet since the K–Pg Extinction Event. Most people just want to be with their families. Here are three ways effective business leaders can leverage targeted KPIs to turn tragedy 😔 into triumph 💪

i don’t know how to explain about triggers and emotional flashbacks, how when certain things get brought up and i start to cry uncontrollably and say we can’t talk about this, i need people to be gentle and reassuring, not get defensive and want to have a serious debate about whether i’m being fair

yeah i’m winning

i’m picturing a romantic encounter — inviting him up to her hotel room, charcuterie board on the bed, already in silk pj’s — which goes horribly wrong when jesus sees she has FOUR copies of his torture/execution device displayed on her neck “what the fuck woman, why would you even do that”

Being less vulnerable to dissociation is better & safer when it comes to making decisions & processing memories-- and it's also intimidating as f*ck, having to actually be present for feelings & needs to which we've been consciously numb for years. No need to deny it.

the thing i hated the most about being pressed into boyhood was the whole enjoy-violence and never-be-sensitive expectation i am gentle. and easily scared. with very big emotions. i cry with empathy for the littlest hurt anyone suffers, and i love sweetness and romance, and my life was fucking hard

argh i’m enjoying this romance novel now EXCEPT for the bits where the jealous ex makes life miserable for other people stirring up conflict i think i want a gentler problem, comedy of errors, misinterpreted cues at worst kind of drama

slightly diminish a band the lightly used pornographers

potential discourse starter: so which national cuisine is the most ~autistic~?

aaaaaaaaaaa too much stimulation and big feelings about facing up to the fact that i’m disabled and can’t guarantee i can do some things for my family any more

we saw avatar 3 and … it was pretty? but 1.5h too long, and felt utterly unnecessary, telling exactly the same story as the first two with the same beats and barely any new visuals, just turning up the racism even more

this features prominently on my “survival” playlist, to be blasted on the stereo or just recalled to memory when i need a boost of “yes i have serious unfixable troubles but dammit i am going to live anyways”

i am not despondent-bleak about it today, more just intensely frustrated, but goddammit needing to still wait a year-ish for bottom surgery??? aaaaaaarghhh

Dsatur is a nice little tweak to the obvious greedy algorithm (colour the vertices one by one, each time selecting the lowest colour index not taken by its already-coliured neighbours), with a dynamic ordering of the vertices: each step, choose the vertex with the greatest number of adjacent colours

hey it’s saturday, which is a great day to learn about the d-satur algorithm and graph colouring in general!

managed to do my vocal practice. the empty house makes it so much easier, but for the past week i was still too ashamed even when on my own, so i am feeling like i've done really well 🥰

no man is an island, but *eowyn voice* i am no man!

psa: before getting up from sitting, always check if an ewok has secretly snuck onto your lap

every time i see an account with “no dms” in their bio i roll my eyes just a little more, please just adjust your settings?

saw my own petard talking to a crane operator and then they both turned and looked at me, not great

Here is a video of a frozen creek that had begun to thaw, and the water was flowing beneath the thin ice on top. I took this because it was soothing and wonderfully bloopy and I wanted to listen to it for hours. You are all welcome to enjoy it, too. Let your brain settle here and rest for a moment.

The periodic table mapped according to lickability