so — that spelling. did an italian name the country “belgium”??

sometimes it just hits you How fucking Hard it is to transition at all, let alone when you’re pushing 50 😭

ngl it’s crazy that there’s a swiss cheese but france hasn’t invented its own cheese yet

i was described as “lithe” today 🥰✨

non-stretchy top vs. lower ribcage

i did an Opposite Action and emailed one of the pros i danced with last night to ask about any of his upcoming floorwork classes ☺️🥰

the temptation to keep telling myself i shouldn’t even bother enrolling in more (hard) dance classes until i have improved my flexibility to the point i wouldn’t feel embarrassed but then the temptation not to even work hard on flexibility drills at home

just saw a bodycon dress with mesh front that goes from above one hip down diagonally to like mid-thigh on the other side and i would absolutely wear the hell out of that,

The thing about the left needing a positive vision for masculinity to counter the right is … they don’t have one either. Their whole thing is “don’t be a woman” as arbitrarily defined by whatever they consider feminine. Apparently some people find this admirable and wish to imitate it

my rdl’s aren’t quite my full body weight, but i think i’ll get there this week or next

i chatted with a non-binary professional dancer last night, about the difficulty at connecting with other queer people in contemp dance (esp. in gender terms), and i mentioned again how i still have yet to bump into another trans woman… and it seems it really might be just me in the local scene?!

last night in the dressing room when i was deciding between hair down but clipped away from my face vs. tied back in a scrunchy (my normal dance thing), the artistic fellow dancer reminded me that the twisty-braided thing i do with my scrunchy makes my profile look “pre-raphaelite” 🥰

still reliving last night’s performance contrasting to orchestra concerts, where i have a bit more nerves — so much less room for error! — but with music i get a fantastic aural sense of what we are making, often better than in the audience, whereas with dance i really can’t see the full creation

i have been trying for a while to find the words to convey how in line LLMs are with this century’s tech trends and their boosters; this puts it perfectly

OH MY GOODNESS that show was amazing, it just felt great no nerves, just electric connection and giving it my all, i am hooked on performing dance 🥰💃✨

watched the recording of a (55 minute) dance work presented at this festival last year, Borrowed Time, on a big screen in the theatre here, and WOW some gorgeous dance but also a theme of intergenerational relationships and at one point i cried so hard from the reminders of my life

LIKE FUCKING SKUNKS, DUDE???? HELL NO

it’s not my jam, but i really do appreciate a guy with a waxed moustache, tan suede fedora and matching jacket, olive pants, suede shoes. we need more men unafraid of style

me: ugh what a fucking saga you: what happened? me: there was a man called Ingiald, who lived at Thverá, on the Eyjafirth; he was one of the original priests and a great chief, and he was already in years when this story begins. Ingiald was married and had 2 sons, Steinolf and-

i suppose i could try one of those eyeglasses cords that go around the back of your head, ideally discreet enough to hide in/under my hair while preventing slips during vigorous dancing

in many ways the job of a mathematician is to make ugly math pretty

bus stop aurora, hopefully with everything she needs for the day in her backpack

left pocket is phone pocket, right pocket is everything else pocket

i think today is the day for the Hot Take which will get me cancelled: i tried piccalilli relish once and it tasted so gross to me i threw out the jar

my managerial style is somewhere between supportive mom and autistic infodumping child who is very excited to get to work with you on cool stuff

a semi-embarrassing throwaway remark about sex gets far more likes than i am used to (and even 3 saves 😒) while my brilliant bill withers joke just … withers on the vine do better, bluesky

Ah yes, the "Thdpsssps"

hurts us. How do I know this? Because the machine that we are standing against functions like any abuser I've ever encountered, and I'm very closely acquainted with abusive relationships. It seems safer, at first, to pick and choose your battles. But I promise that way lies death. Quite literally.

Oh My God i had always wondered where the name coleco came from, and as a kid assumed it was probably japanese

omg what i really need is a velvet hair scrunchy in trans flag colours i need this to exist when i search it up

another of the women in my class, (who’s 83 and straight) saw me first from behind in a miniskirt before recognizing me, and the first thing she said to me was “you’ve got great legs!” 🥰 and went on to say she had studied art and did a lot of drawing of nude models so she really appreciates form

waittttttr someone in my improvisation class searched me up online and brought up my academy award today, but that means almost 100% chance they also saw i’m trans, so yay! they didn’t make any kind of deal out of it (if they didn’t know before)

i hope it never stops being a delightful surprise when amazing dance professionals remember me from only brief encounters in the past (but also that it sinks in and *i* remember this when i doubt i have any talent or place in dance)

on a dance workshop today, after half the class watched my half improvise to some music with a given movement vocabulary, one of the watchers told me she couldn’t take her eyes off me, i moved so beautifully 🥰

the trouble is i am prettier with glasses on than contacts, but contacts work much better for dance (the way i do it), so i guess ultimately i need to make sure people are watching my body not my face

oh. right. now reorienting my improvisation to be sure i’m not spending much time facing away from the audience.

hrt is intrinsically so fucking easy and cheap. any problems it has is from cis people deciding to impose problems on it

i got used to being on stage in a choir first: file on in order, very properly, stand exactly where you need to be, no talking, everything artious then got used to orchestra: wander to your seat when you feel like it, tune, warm-up, practice, do whatever until the concert master gives the cue …

the performance tomorrow night will be really beautiful!!

well, that was a first: changing out of my dress in front of the other women in the dance class (none of whom necessarily know i am trans…), carefully angled to avoid underwear visibility and allow chest visibility 😂

on a crowded bus or train, when a seat opens up, for goodness sake someone has to sit down!! even if nobody nearby “needs” the seat, remaining standing just makes things unnecessarily crowded for everyone

Proposed water-intensive AI data centres mean 24/7 noise, constant diesel generator air pollution, and massive strain on our water supply as historic droughts loom. Global lessons show Virginia found them incompatible with housing, and Ireland's data centres swallow 22% of the grid power. 2/3

weird and unexpected thought: for the first time in a LONG time i am actually idly debating if i still need therapy not that i am done with many, many issues … but it feels right now like i can handle them on my own and keep progressing? i expect this feeling to change, of course

before heading downtown

[texting bill withers] lol it’s pretty sunny here, iykykykykykykykykykykykykykykykykykykykykykyk

today it is now one day over six months since the gender surgery program called to set up my intake appointment, at which they said the wait for my first consult with a surgeon would be an estimated 4-6 months so. any day now? 😶

at some point in my journalling, years ago, i decided it was okay to include sex stuff, and gradually it has become more ... frank. so, apologies in advance to my kids if they one day are sorting through my estate and decide to read them all. 😂

Morning at Sea https://www.wikiart.org/en/ivan-aivazovsky/morning-at-sea-1849

not precisely what i would have expected this to possibly refer to (understatement)

question of the morning: do i button one above my bra band or strictly below