There’s a new strain of swimmers itch in Minnesota, because apparently nature has had enough of humanity’s calves.

…and just like that, America lost all interest in soccer.

Jumped into a lake yesterday, forgetting I was wearing my glasses. Shortly thereafter I was not, having made an offering to the Minnesota Lake Spirits.

In 10 years I’m going to be sitting across from some young doctor who’s going to tell me “Your test results are in, and low key, not gonna lie, your cholesterol is high”

Walked over to a friend’s house in a homemade alien costume, and when he saw me he said “Oh, that’s not the alien costume I was expecting.” Because I have more than one homemade alien costume Need a Time Machine to go back and tell 10 year-old Grumbleputty that we did it!

Folding 15 year old daughter’s laundry, and I got nostalgic for back when she was 10 and her bathing suits were so much bigger.

A helpful reminder that stale chips can hold just as much delicious hummus as fresh ones

I wish I was really good at self promotion, so I could find out if I’m any good at game design

As a resident of Illinois, I’m very nervous that the Bears might move to Indiana, which would require me to not travel a much greater distance in order to not watch them play.

BREAKING: The Groovy Ghoulies have backed out from the Freedom 250 concert, stating they are “not THAT kind of monster “

If you post AI art, I’m blocking you. Art is a skill you can learn, there are countless talented people eager to teach you for free. Instead you’ve chosen to use a planet-murdering technology to steal their work and call it yours. (I was an early adopter who saw the light)

My 15 y.o. asked me if I was familiar with this artist she discovered named Bruce Springsteen. I explained that I was born in New Jersey- in school, “Thunder Road” came after the Pledge of Allegiance

Not sure what this is, but I’m eating it.

Just imagined going back in time to my 10 year old self listening to Billy Joel’s “Piano Man”and explaining that one day your 15 year-old daughter and her beast friend will sing this song at Karaoke, and also I should explain what Karaoke is, after which I crumble to dust

accuweather now wants me to create an account to find out about the tornado warning I’m under, and instead I think I’d like to start murdering people

Spicy cheesy mashed potato waffles are what’s up

As our tornado sirens have stopped going off for the second time tonight just as we were headed for the basement, I'm reminded of how Project 2025 seeks to privatize the national weather service, and I'm further convinced that the only sane option is to cook and eat all of the Heritage Foundation

@waiwode.bsky.social tonight on NewsNation: Coumo sits down with Bill O’Reilly. Then O’Reilly chats with Leland Vittert before Vittert sits down with Cuomo, followed by Katie Pavlich interviewing Chris Cuomo about Leland Vittert. Then later, on The Circle Jerk..

Any experts in old miniatures who can identify this fella? He used to have a spear, I’m pretty sure I got him and a few others in the 80s at the Dungeon hobby shop in Lake Geneva

If I gave up smoking just in time for the apocalypse I’m gonna be SO PISSED.

Saw #Svengoolie trending, nodded sagely. This is as it should be, carry on…

Saw #chainsmokers trending, checked into the threads, they’re still alive, moved on.

Went to my local #nokings rally in Gurnee yesterday. Lovely people from all walks of life, lesbian couple alongside Vietnam veterans, all peacefully and passionately saying this must end. Most cars honked and gave the thumbs up, had one black pickup “roll coal” at us (probably cost him $20 in gas!)

Is music from the late 90’s officially back? Because I’d like to start grabbing young people by the shoulders and shaking them while I holler about how amazing Morphine was.

The USPS IS NOT LOSING MONEY. THE USPS IS SPENDING TAX DOLLARS ALLOCATED TO IT BY THE BUDGET. THE USPS SHOULD NOT BE REQUIRED TO ZERO OUT ITS BALANCE SHEET IT IS NOT A BUSINESS IT DOES NOT HAVE SHAREHOLDERS. IF THE USPS IS OUTSPENDING ITS BUDGET IT SHOULD BE ALLOCATED MORE BUDGET.

Our local grade school is opening a time capsule with great fanfare, allowing the kids a glimpse at life in the olden days of 1976, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was 8.

Hey, just checking, since there’s a ton going on- are we still keeping children in jails in the desert?

Everyone go home. The internet has a winner.

My profile pic is of Major General Smedley Butler, the man who probably saved us from the last attempted fascist takeover by the Epstein class, and who, in a just world, would have a statue on every army base. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smedley...

A sketch for a small sample of the player species from The Scattered Realms, a work-in-progress modular #ttrpg campaign world about first contact, exploration and upheaval scatteredrealms.miraheze.org/wiki/Main_Page

Using a Star Trek gif, post where you are tight now 🖖

My boss said that since he’s not in tomorrow I’ll get to fuck around all day, which I think really diminishes the excellent fucking around I do while he’s there.

Have to call out Bill Clinton’s absolutely sinister stunt dropping J.B. Pritzker’s name in his Epstein testimony. Despite Pritzker not appearing anywhere in the documents or flight manifests, and the timeline being off by years. Sure looked like a deliberate dick move.

So apparently my super power is to have “Pictures of Matchstick Men” start playing in my head a few seconds before it pops up on my random playlist. Impressive, and also useless.

Hello afternoon cup of coffee. Let us see if you can succeed, where those before you have fa…

Illinois is helping create a generation of democratic leaders that, you know, will actually lead. Thanks for showing that fighting against fascism is where the fun’s at!

Pub trivia tonight, my wife and the ladies in deep discussion of celebrity news, husbands debating sports ephemera, me waiting for a Star Wars trivia question that would never come…

Every time I say “Vote Blue No Matter Who” someone says John Fetterman and I have to sit down meekly.

A sketch for my #ttrpg project, a couple of thieves trying to get an eye off a statue, like you do...

Building a WIKI for a ttrpg world I've been designing for years, and I want to invite participants to join in! Come visit, and if you get inspired, add your own bits to the lore. scatteredrealms.miraheze.org/wiki/Main_Page

So I don't like Gavin Newsom as a candidate. I'll work hard to make sure he doesn't get win the primaries, and someone much more progressive is our nominee instead. But understand, dear reader- if he's the nominee against anyone even vaguely Trump-adjacent, I'm gonna vote for him SO HARD, Y'ALL

Fuckers even decorate the same.

I promise you at dinner parties in 1930’s Germany, when conversation turned to the mass arrests of Jewish citizens, someone would roll their eyes and say “can we PLEASE not bring up politics?”

A quick reminder as I trundle off to bed- one day soon, if we somehow get back to normal, a progressive politician will wear a linen shirt after Labor Day, and the media will lose their entire fucking minds.

My anxiety has lead to drastically increased Whiskey consumption- I've gone from finishing a bottle or two a year to i lOve You Guysh mAn Reel bIg fIsh wAs aWesOme wHy dIdn'T sKa ever Take oFf?

Just a quick reminder that Benjamin Netanyahu, Elon Musk, Peter Thiel, Vladamir Putin and Jeff Bezos spent billions, burned public goodwill and quite possibly committed crimes to make sure Donald Trump beat Kamala Harris. The literal worst people on the planet don't think both sides are equally bad.

Sometimes I draw odd things

Just so we’re all clear, anyone with brown skin and an accent is probably a dangerous criminal. Anyone who corresponded with a known child rapist after their conviction is probably innocent. We now return you to your regularly scheduled Republican reality.

Curious- as the midterms approach and Trump’s popularity craters, the “both sides are bad” voices are suddenly everywhere. If the fascists can’t persuade you to vote MAGA, they’ll persuade you to sit this election out. If MAGA survives the midterms, there won’t be another election.