Top Surprises in the Duluth Mayor's State of the City Address™ -Lester Park Golf Course being sold to Cargill and turned into a Cheerios factory. -Math is hard. Mayor-splaining is super easy, tho. -Only five protestors.

Lots More Signs That God is Coming to Duluth this May™ -The mayor wrote Him a letter. -Canal Park seagulls now bombing tourists two by two. -Jesus spotted scooping at Love Thy Creamery.

Way, Way More Signs That God is Coming to Duluth this May™ -Aerial Lift Bridge rises every three days. -Canal Park meters now charge thirty pieces of silver for ten minutes. -Justin Liles only showing temperatures from Hell. And Proctor.

Way More Signs That God is Coming to Duluth This May™ -New mark of the beast? 2-1-8. -Whole Foods Co-op finally restocking frankincense and myrrh. -Three words: Plague. Of. Tourists.

Even More Signs That God is Coming to Duluth This May™ -Jesus spotted at Grandma's, turning watered down drinks into wine. -Homegrown Music Festival nothing but Amy Grant and Creed cover bands. -Bent Paddle's spring beer? Easter Cookie Communion Wafer.

What I Did With My Saved Daylight Hour™ Duluth Mayor: Gave it to private developers. Pete Stauber: Half hour hiding from constituents/Half hour licking orange boots. Private Developers: Slept in. Kidding! Used mayor's hour to say one thing. Used our hour to do something else entirely.

More Signs That God is Coming to Duluth This May™ -Potholes are being fruitful and multiplying. -Thou shalt not take a city councilor's name in vain. -Mayor keeping private developer masses fed with one fish, one loaf of bread, and one downtown public library spot.

Signs That God is Coming to Duluth This May™ -Pillars of road salt up and down Superior Street. -Instead of bushes, mayor burning all the secret private development agreements. -The parting of Lester Park Golf Course.

This May! New commandments will be unveiled in Duluth by the Maker Himself! What form will He take? Burning bush? Pillar of salt? Old bald guy? Only one way to find out…

Minnesota Connections in Last Night's SOTU™ -First Republican to toss underwear onstage? Pete Stauber! -Tom Emmer provided gas for the second hour of gaslighting. -50% of the men's hockey team were 100% Minnesota puckheads.

Ways to Save the Duluth Skywalk System (You're Welcome)™ -Rename it "Duluth Green Space", the mayor will sell it to developers. -Paint it orange, Pete Stauber will crawl way up inside it and live there. -Three words: Skywalk. Brewery. District.

Things That Lake Superior Wind is Currently Blowing Harder Than™ -Pete Stauber under the Oval Office desk -Tom Homan's Minneapolis success stories about ICE -The next three years

"I've read a lot of romance novels in my day. Never one with ghost murder." "There was not ghost sex. Should have been."

Valentine's Day weekend, get the sexy answers to these fishy questions: -How many former Duluth mayors can Don Ness portray in one show? -Do Duluthians remember Telly Savalas? -How many romance novel tropes can be made sillier with lutefisk? [email protected] for tix and info!

Not Welcome at Pete Stauber Events™ -Northern News Now -"Those" people -Compassion/Decency (tie) -The Constitution -Our way of life -Epstein files

It's So Cold...™ -Pete Stauber had to toss another BWCA Environmental Protection Plan on the fire. -MN GOP had to warm up with a couple extra stomps of the Constitution. -ICE agents had to throw their bullets at Minnesotans.

How Minnesota is Preparing for the Upcoming Cold Snap™ MN GOP: Throwing more gas on the fire Pete Stauber: Crawling up inside the presidential hidey-hole ICE Agents: Going to Hell

some local laughs from @rchickentheater.bsky.social @historyhailey.bsky.social and myself, February 13-14

Perks of Having a Bar at the Lake Superior Zoo™ -After a couple Hissing Cockroaches, the amount of animals appears to double. -Two words: Monkey. Bouncers. -Cool lounge acts, like Steve & Edie tribute performers Silver Fox & Cougar.

Other Uses for the Downtown Duluth Skywalk After the Mayor Closes It™ -Book repository after the Mayor closes the downtown library -Connecting link to the upcoming downtown affordable hous--uh, I mean, boutique hotels and condominiums -Lester Park Golf Course storage

From “Talk Duluthy to Me This Christmas”, Rubber Chicken Theater’s 2025 holiday sketch comedy revue. Written by me. Produced by @mikescholtz.com. Made awesome by @historyhailey.bsky.social, Jeremy Churchill, Tate Haglund-Pagel, and Joel Youngblom.

As seen in “Talk Duluthy to Me This Christmas”, Rubber Chicken Theater’s 2025 holiday sketch comedy revue. Written by me. Produced by @mikescholtz.com. Made awesome by @historyhailey.bsky.social, @kayleefabulous.bsky.social, Chris Nollet, and Steve Solkela.

From Rubber Chicken Theater’s 2025 holiday sketch comedy revue “Talk Duluthy to Me This Christmas.” Written by Tate Haglund-Pagel Produced by @mikescholtz.com

Read this! See the show tonight! Resolve to stop telling people what to do in 2026! Tix & Info: [email protected]

Duluth Christmas Wishes 2025™ The Mayor: Go read somewhere else. Pete Stauber: Peace, love, and understanding. For the right people. Rubber Chicken Theater: Kathy Cargill to get back in the news.

Secret Santa Ideas for Duluth Mayor Roger Reinert™ -A library card -A golf club -Front row tickets to “Talk Duluthy to Me This Christmas, or, Santa's Big DECC Energy”, 12/26 & 12/27 at Studio 4 in the St. Louis County Depot. Tix & Info: [email protected]

Did a thing with Maria Vollom on Fox21 about the big holiday show opening Friday! [email protected] for tix & info! www.fox21online.com/2025/12/15/c...

More Carols You Might Hear This Weekend™ "Lester Got Run Over by a Reinert" "Vikings Blow! Vikings Blow! Vikings Blow!" "I Said Three Sh*ts" (solo from St. Louis County Board) TIX ARE FLYING OUT THE DOOR FASTER THAN RUDOLPH RUNNING FROM A BUMBLE ICE AGENT! Tix: [email protected]

Carols You Might Hear This Weekend at the Show™ "While Mayors Moved Their Libraries By Night" "Ice Agents are Coming to Town" "When Santa Claus Gets Your NDA" TICKETS ARE DISAPPEARING FASTER THAN FROSTY IN THE SAUNA!! Tix & Info: [email protected]

More Books the Duluth Mayor Won't Be Checking Out of the Duluth Public Library™ A Tale of Two Cities (But Only One of Them Has a Golf Course and a Library) War and Piece of That Sweet, Sweet Superior Street Lake View Development Pie Roger's Web

Books the Duluth Mayor Won't Be Checking Out of the Duluth Public Library™ How to Suck at Mayor Without Even Trying The Great Golfsby The Liar, The Witch, and the Creation of a Steering Committee

How to Talk Duluthy This Christmas™ "Does Santa's lift bridge ever come back down?" "Is that a Bumble in Enger Tower or are you just happy to see me?" "Lester got run over by a Reinert!" Tix & Info: [email protected]

THANK YOU to our amazing prize sponsors so far! Bent Paddle Frost River Duluth Pottery Superior Thread Collective Duluth Grill OMC Corktown Eatery Vikre Distillery Sir Ben’s Boat Club Restaurant Tix & Info: [email protected]

How They're Getting Rid of the Snow After Last Night's Blizzard™ Duluth Mayor: Blaming Mother Nature for climatological violence Pete Stauber: Authorizing ICE agents to grab it and send it to Mexico Darren Danielson: Who cares? He's outta here in a week, baby!

Christmas City of the North Parade Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't™ "Looks like the Duluth East band conductor has a frozen baton." "Merv isn't the only one who wants to slide to fun below." "Santa's bringing up the rear."

Top Finds at Duluth's Junk Hunt 2025™ -A pair of mayoral balls from Lester Park Golf Course -A box of St. Louis County Commissioner Keith Nelson's ungiven sh*ts -Pristine shovel from the Incline Village development (never touched any dirt!)

Minnesota Deer Hunting Opening Weekend Goals™ Hermantown City Council: Make sure each NDA is wearing blaze orange. Duluth Mayor: Put up hunting shacks on Lester Park Golf Course Lakefront Nine. St. Louis County Commissioner Keith Nelson: Doesn't give a shot.

Reckless Speculation Due to NDAs: Who's Buying Up All the Land in Hermantown Edition!™ -Super Secret Data Center -Super Dooper Menards -Darren Danielson for his Retirement Fortress of Solitude

Wait, I thought it was for the Right to Rehair…

Cheney Death Announced with 21 Gun Face Shot Salute

How They're Spending Their Free Hour of Saved Daylight™ Duluth Mayor: Giving away 60 minutes worth of Lester Park Golf Course. Keith Nelson: Not giving a sh*t, a f**k, or even a #$#!$@! Hermantown City Council: CONTENT COVERED BY NDA Duluth Landlords: Hastily repairing stuff before Tuesday.

Leftover Twin Ports Halloween Candy™ -Secrecy Shrouded Hermantown NDAs -Petty Ronchettis! -Stauber Orange Butt Kisses -Golf Ball Size Jolly Roger Green Space Giveaways -Central High School Deal Duds -Keith Nelson Bit-O-Sh*ts (he couldn't give 'em away)

More Famous Twin Ports Horror Movie Lines™ "I never drink...THC." "We're gonna need a bigger NDA.” "All pay and no work makes Pete a Republican boy.”

Famous Twin Ports Horror Movie Lines™ "The power of private development on public golf courses compels you!" "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Castle Danger Cream Ale." "We all float down here. And I don’t give a sh*t.”

Coming this Christmas! “Talk Duluthy to Me This Christmas, or, Santa's Big DECC Energy" 12/19-20, 26-27 Studio Four in the Depot Info: [email protected] Jokes* about: Twisty Ronchetti pasta! Sh*t Gifting Keith Nelson! The Golfin’ Mayor! *unless the holiday NDA is enforced

Keith: I DON’T GIVE A SH*T WHAT YOU THINK!! Speaker: Sir, this is an Arby’s drive through.

Even More Last Minute Northland Halloween Costume Ideas™ Don't give yourself to the Duluth Monitor...you're a St. Louis County Commissioner Keith Nelson sh*t!

More Last Minute Northland Halloween Costume Ideas™ Be vewwy, vewwy quiet and haunt Duwuth City Counciwors...you're Elmer Fudd Ronchetti!

Last Minute Northland Halloween Costume Ideas™ Hide in the woods off Midway Road, hum & buzz & guzzle gallons of water...you're a Super-Secret Hermantown Data Center!

How to Save Lester Park Golf Course, Idea #816™ Tell Chad Ronchetti the super-secret data center needs more super-secret land for a super-secret reason. He'll get Hermantown to purchase it. Super-secretly.