You're telling me someone who writes like this could fall for a man who looks like an overcooked hot dog and sounds like dishwasher full of bees?

The flag flapped in the fire. It was a flag and a simile. A metaphor for a real thing, a nation divided upon itself and outside of itself. And it was also a gun. The country reached for the gun, but they found it was just a metaphor. The Politician's brain worm called me from his carphone.

They won't tell you this, but if you drink two Celsius back to back you unlock a secret 25th hour.

I think it'd be a dilutory rather than compound effect.

Scared, white, suburbanite is basically the Ur-Republican voter. American Fascism is NextDoor with a paramilitary.

The Catholic Church, an institution known for their up-to-date takes and trendiness.

Knees: Inherently funny. Both the actual joints and the word. Good job whoever came up with that pairing.

It's actually very funny to include two Presidents, both of whom oversaw a war and one who tried to invade Cuba, as simple "men of words".

I'm in France, a couple at the café table next to me hears my accent when I order. The woman, tears in her eyes, asks if I'm American. When I say yes, the man leans over and says "Je suis Charlie Kirk".

Don't you dare come after Jerry. Reubens use Thousand Island Dressing which has mayo in it.

Charles Jabón Kirkleford, or "Ol Ham Gums" to his friends, was more than just a man. He was the most famous person the admin could have killed without it really mattering in the long run. He built an empire of misquoting undergrads with just grit, determination, and untold millions in dark money.

To everyone going "how did all this fit?" .30-06 casings are about the size of your pinky/ring finger. The Delay Defend Depose casings were 9mm. So slightly narrower and 1/3 the length.

Democrats would watch a colleague be ritualistically dissolved by Republicans on the floor of the Senate and spend their time in line for the Acid Pool discussing the best way to reach across the aisle.

Charlie Kirk died doing what he loved: being racist & advocating for mass shootings

A career of going to college campuses to stir shit and brushing off school shootings as an "unfortunate" but worthwhile cost of the 2nd Amendment, cut short.

Pretty straight line between woo-y alt health, eugenics, and fascism. The populace is a body beset by ever shifting "toxins". It is up to the individual to eliminate weakness by purging those toxins. Any system that helps weaker groups is upsetting the natural harmony and causing sickness.

Oh, so they're on that 100% Qanon "White Hat" tip

"Sorry, my pet can't be vaccinated due to their religious beliefs. They're a Christian Science Monitor Lizard."

Nuked from orbit.

Therapist: You can't keep avoiding criticism by misusing outdated slang to derail the conversation. Me: That's extremely not jiggy with it.

Guy Economy is an outgrowth of Dudes Rock Theory. When the Guy Market becomes untethered from the underlying value of Dudes Rocking the result is a very low quality Guy. Bundling similar types of Guys makes men, generally, a toxic asset.

Given how other billionaires have reacted to getting dragged on social media, what we have here is likely the key point in Mark Cuban's "why I left the left" villain origin story.

This is also why Dems like Mayor Pete are so annoying when they trot out the "I don't want to pay for a billionaire's kid." line against free college. Who fucking cares, Pete!? That's, like, a few dozen people and billionaires probably aren't send their kids to state schools.

Vance's entire career is white grievance as politics. Foreigners and non-whites must show constant gratitude or be subject to (benevolent) white wrath. It's identical to the "slaves were given job opportunities and learned valuable skills" rhetoric.

Totally Alive Alpha Male blasts soundtrack to musicals in his Rose Garden.

Me: Oh boy, I can't wait to enjoy this product of modern medicine. Grapefruit: Absolutely not.

Is saliva the most "neutral" tasting liquid?

Third rate Satan. Many people are saying. Hashtag MakeAmericaSatanAgain.

I love being a pariah state.

MTG is doing exactly what nearly every major newspaper accused the campus protestors of doing (Trojan horsing her antisemitism by pretending to care about Palestinians) AND she's in a position of power. Yet, we don't see endless op-eds about it.

Man with a net worth larger than the rest of this entire website combined: Would you let Donald Trump say the n-word if it meant saving a Christian baby?

Sorry doc, that's a load bearing coping mechanism.

50% of these are "luxury space communism would be good, actually."

Why did they call it the breaking wheel? Because it was only for people who broke wheely serious crimes.

Wokeism with Sherman characteristics.

The straight fucking line from Trump defending Neo Nazis protesting the removal of a Confederate monument to this.

I've had to do more project management work recently and it is: A) soul crushing B) easy as hell You can just say shit with no citations and no one can call you on it. "Project leaders align team prerogatives to advanced value driven objective." "Who said that?" "Me, just now. Moving on."

How the fuck are these AI wearables that record everything you do and all your interactions with people going to interface with two party consent laws?

“How unaccomplished the downtrodden are” is going to stick with me more than anything else

"Saying slavery was bad is woke" is the logical conclusion to the past decade of right wing culture warriors and the centrist pundits who laundered their bullshit.

Arming NG with pistols that have a reputation for uncommanded discharges/"going off by themselves" seems like a choice and a built in excuse if something bad happens.

Half this country thinks solar panels are 5G transmitters that turn kids gay and the James Webb telescope is satanic spying satellite. We're not getting a Dyson Sphere.

Since the trick to getting rich is telling other rich people enormous lies about idiotic ideas here are a few of my pitches: - Turning the moon insides out. - Making the ocean 5G compatible. - Volcano powered space elevators. - Training bees to do chores for you. Chorbeez!

If my father announced my death by retweeting a Newsmax headline I'd kill myself.

*Adding vanilla soy milk to my coffee* Yo dawg, we heard you liked bean liquid. So we added some bean liquid to your bean liquid to add to your bean liquid.

I was in my local communist coffeehouse (right next to my centrist book store and reasonable Republican auto parts shop) when the barista asked a person's pronouns to write on the cup. No less than three people pull out their laptops and change their voting registration from Dem to Independent.

Actually, it should be "Inventing guys at whom to be mad."