Trump Wears Right Side of Face At Half Mast To Honor Charlie Kirk

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When they came for the immigrants I said nothing. When they came for the trans people I said nothing. Pretty sure they’ll never come for me. Not aware of any poem on this.

Elon Musk audio book from 2018, long before he was unelected as shadow president! @scottdikkers.bsky.social @hachetteaudio.bsky.social www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/not-e...

Thou shalt not kill. Unless you’re a superpower, or a billionaire, or a health insurance company that’s bribed all of Congress. Then you get to do whatever you want, apparently.

This doesn’t make sense: you need a license to fish but you don’t need a fish to be a parent.

The last thing I would expect to promote healing in the body is antibodies

He’s devoted, loves everything about you, and sticks with you no matter what. You don’t meet many people like that. Hold onto that stalker.

”Visualize whirled peas” is a funny bumper sticker, but nobody will be laughing if there’s a turd whirled whore.

Birdwatchers are just bird perverts.

Why the shocked laughter when the champagne spills after the cork pops? That's what it does. Relax.

Our cleanest, quietest, and most beautifully manicured neighborhoods are reserved for dead people

I got stuck with human-maintenance duty again today

What are you supposed to do with your arms? They just hang there.

The funny thing about anti-humor is that it’s not funny.

My diet is primarily weeds, garnishes, and nuisance plants.

Reaction of first hominid to heat dried corn: 1. Shocked disbelief 2. Must be evil spirits 3. Needs butter

Working on one of those “cute baby animals” books. Need a heartwarming story about maggots.

I resent having to eat.