"the best part of the superbowl is when the players pour the gatorade on the coach! they should do that every play with everyone and they should all bring their own gatorade from home!!"

That'll move the chains

Alright, I've launched a GFM to help cover my top surgery costs. I've included a painfully vulnerable summary of my (long) transition journey so far, some of the hurdles I've faced, and what this procedure means to me. Thank you 💜 gofund.me/08d2e0872 #TransArtist #QueerArtist #MutualAid

Just a PSA for people, FreeTaxUSA is an excellent tool for filing taxes. Do not, I repeat, do not give your money to TurboTax. They lobby congress to keep tax filings difficult and inflate their prices to make it more expensive. FreeTaxUSA.com is about as good as it gets today.

Hi everyone -- there is a general strike in Minnesota tomorrow to protest what the Trump administration and DHS are doing to our community. In solidarity with the action, I am going to donate my revenue from tmrw's newsletter to People over Papers, the Midway-Hamline Diaper Bank, & Every Meal. (1/2)

I like YouTube Playables because you'll see a game called "Slick Ball Blaster 3D" and it's just a Puzzle Bobble clone that drains 10% of your phone battery in 15 seconds

I'm at the spa enjoying a cup of crystal-filled butt plug water

Me: How're you holding up? The washed-up YouTube Pooper: I'm lost in the sauaus

If I had a nickel for every time I heard Phantom Limb by The Shins today, I'd have 10 cents, which isn't much but weird that it happened twice

I've been to every state but a few where I've only driven past the "welcome to ____" sign (green) or drove through and never really got out of the car (blue)

Shout-out to whoever saw this rock and was like "I bet eating that will fix my tummy ache"

As I adorn myself with a Santa hat this season, I'm reminded that we as a society have stopped wearing non-baseball hats and that's a real fuckin shame

I'm gonna invent an alternative to tin foil called Tim Foil. It's like tin foil except: - you can only use it if your name is Tim - catered to all the Tims in the world - tired of tin foil that isn't personalized for you? well now there's Tim Foil (only for Tims though!)

I want a flask to bring at Christmas parties so I can discreetly add a little something to my egg nog (vanilla extract)

Every polycule needs a band name and it needs to be in a "____ and the ____s" format

Normalize the use of an old timey gothic font for your cover letters and having it start with "Hark!", and setting the H to have a 120 pt. font size

Did anyone else's parents have that set of Christmas tree ornaments that they'd never put on the tree because they were too fancy?

I wonder what percentage of carbon that currently makes up my body originated from Papa John's. It might not be too high but it's definitely not 0%

Friendsgiving potluck idea: Everyone brings a dish but it must be in a slow cooker and require no prep, and you plug it in when you arrive in the morning and have a kitchen full of slow cookers. The entire day is spent hanging out and then dishing out the food at dinner time with no cooking stress

I'm making a pot roast for Thanksgiving!

Christmas YCH I get with @itsrockyraccoon.bsky.social

This Cloudfare outage is wild, I have no idea how the ancient Mesopotamians would have dealt with this

Me: Wow Wendover, your YouTube videos always provide interesting information about a variety of unexceptional topics and subjects! What are you gonna discuss next time? Wendover: *thousand yard stare* ...storage units

I like Ben Franklin because he didn't do shit and all the other founding fathers were like "you know what you're going on the $100 bill". He just has a bunch of random quotes, he was literally just out there saying shit. Also he electrocuted himself with keys on kites and that's also kind of cool

This world series game has been an absolute butt clencher

MLB: How do we increase baseball viewership for younger people? Me: Maybe remove the paywall for regular season games and put them back on network TV like Sunday football games MLB: I think we need a 4th base

Me, after moving out of the house: Thank god, now I won't see any more house centipedes! The devious puppy girl kennel centipede:

I got a marketing email that referenced the 67 meme, so it's officially dead now

Rocky Tip: Include an occasional and random "yes siree bob" in conversations. This engages the listener with an unexpected confirmation of agreement while also providing an informal albeit comforting vocabulary which establishes warmth and trust.

We've entered baseball hell

I can't wait until the day I get into a car accident and the lawyers present my dashcam footage to the jury with the soundtrack of me singing along to Detachable Penis

Maximilian feels like a fake full name, like the first guy with the name Max was a cool guy and was asked, "that's a cool name, what's that short for?" and on the spot he was like "uhh, well max is cool, and a million is a cool number, it's uhh max-a-million?"

Begone AI furry bot Telegram ads!

Hot take: that burning dust smell that you smell when you turn on the gas-powered central heating is good actually

Today's my birthday! 🎉 You're all required to take today off of work to celebrate

Rewatching the movie Mission To Mars (2000) to see how accurate the future was predicted, five minutes in and already off to a bad start

Happy spooky month! This years Halloween YCH is completed! 🎃💀 #halloween

mcdonald's charging $8 for a big mac combo and calling that a value menu price should be a recession indicator

There are still 5 slots available for my Halloween YCH this year! C, D, E, F and G are all available to claim! 💜 dm me on telegram or discord with refs if interested!

I have brain rot

Going through my old half-completed shitposts is wild

petition to rename Facebook to this instead

Retirement tip: invest all your money into the S&V 500 (salt & vinegar)

I'm gonna tell my kids this was Labubu

Why does hell get a highway while heaven only gets a stairway?