Man I hope the Yes on 50 (ie redistricting to add Dem seats) get their shit together soon because I’ve seen nothing but No on 50 commercials, and a LOT of them

Oh no

I don’t know which city this is more insulting to

I don’t know about kids today but my friends and I in college would have clocked this guy as a dork loser immediately and would have absolutely ridiculed anyone who went to see him

Not doing anything to change the view that “independent” means “Thinking is hard and I - SQUIRREL!!”

Some posts just stay with you forever, to this day I can’t eat a Triscuit without thinking “this is what the inside of a scarecrow tastes like”

Amazing kismet on the timeline

I SURVIVED THE DID I DREAM THAT QUAKE OF 2025

This is simultaneously going to be (1) boring as fuck and (2) a guaranteed incitement to violence

That makes one of us BITCH

These guys from my dog’s daycare look like they’re about to drop the hardest mixtape of the summer

Our kitchen remodel isn’t quite done so we’re using red Solo cups for everything and our house looks like the morning after a party scene in an 80’s teen movie

If we go to the ramparts for the 4th best talk show host so be it

Not backing off my assertion that the Argument’s business model is hate clicks, kinda genius when you think about it

Speaking of AI, I just checked the Wells AI tool which promised me a look at “recurring monthly charges” one of which was to a deli I’ve been to twice and one was a one-time payment to a company with “Direct” in its name that the AI took to be DirecTV Truly the end of humanity is nigh

I’ll know when AI has arrived when forms don’t freak out and say VALID EMAIL REQUIRED FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!! when I’ve only typed the first 2 letters in

True Life: The Lady at the Pizza Place Said “Enjoy” When She Handed Me the Pizza and I Said “You Too”

Just need one Sunday morning head to ask a Repub why the president isn’t sending the National Guard into Utah

He had a reported net worth of $12 million when he died. Conservatives are the biggest marks on the planet.

This is not in fact for someone who stormed a heavily armed post against all odds but instead for the 19th highest rated radio show host

If this happens we get Sarah Silverman under the rotunda when she goes

And it’s specifically because it happened while he was preaching his hate! If he died in a car accident or reaching into the Dispos-all when it was running none of this would be happening!

Left: be wary of the right looking to turn this into a Reichstag Fire, they may try to smuggle it into the discourse Right: THIS IS OUR REICHSTAG FIRE

The only way Gavin will ever be president is in some bizarre designated survivor scenario where he’s the undersecretary of commerce and everyone else is killed in a boiler explosion

“Continue his work”? What, the hating or the demagoguing or the celebrating violence against the innocent? Are you out of your fucking mind?

This is the way

No clear answers on whether a giant snake swallows the sun at the end of every day

Boy I wonder, real mystery about how this is gonna turn out

Me: well time for a good nights sleep Brain: [plays You Never Can Tell on loop while taking video tour of shopping center you went to as a child] yep

Wait I was just assured by Brett Kavanaugh THIS MORNING that “those individuals may promptly go free after making clear to the immigration officers that they are U.S. citizens or otherwise legally in the United States”

The internet was probably a bad idea

What’s more, anyone who reads any news knows this is a blatant lie! Tons of people here legally have been detained for days or weeks! There’s a story about it almost daily!

Siri sum up the early 2000s for me

Jake Moody is gonna need the family size Depakote after this

Fellas your wife actually loves it when you give her updates from Flightaware about what cities she’s flying over and her altitude and speed, she’s just kidding if she says to please stop

“Vanderbilt is scoring too fast” is just a phrase I said out loud in the English language

I saw one of those college acceptance TikToks where the girl got into Cal and Duke and chose Duke, real villain origin energy

Waymos don’t do anything when you honk at them thereby violating the Second Law of Robotics

My kid asked what I was doing and I said “sending your mother some dank memes” and HER FACE

Trump’s greatest gift, given to him by the media, is that he can post batshit inane shit like this and it’s either ignored or seen as Trump just being Trump. Imagine Obama implying he would napalm Alabama. Instant impeachment.

I just lose my mind in a Chevron Extra Mile store. Hidden Valley Ranch Bugles? I’ll take em. Teriyaki beef jerky? Give it to me.

*cracks knuckles* people are complaining on Nextdoor about new housing, I’m going in

“This was an early harbinger of the Pacific States of America” - historian in 2125

My kid meticulously scrapes all the filling off the Oreos and eats it last in a filling-only feast, demented or brilliant?

V jarring seeing a goth driving a midsize SUV

Working full time to dispel the idea it’s a cult

Produce a remote jamming device for people who play videos with the sound on in public. Also for the audible tap tap tap sound and text bings.

One of Pritzker’s best assets is just saying it out loud. Everyone knows this but no one else is saying “this guy is fucking nuts”