I can't relate to "new phone, who dis?" because I just deleted the contact for my pediatric endocrinologist's office

Non binary friendships are just calling each other "my liege" and "my squire" in lieu of gendered terms

i am a simple girl: i feel myself getting irrationally angry about tiny things. I get up. I get my SSRI from the kitchen. it fixes the problem it is designed to fix, and I say "wow, a miracle of modern science"

if i think too much about the big problems in the world right now I'll throw up, so instead I will complain about the ugly tan carpet that's in every single apartment I look at

I’m gonna have a cute little iced coffee in a jar tomorrow morning 😌

Current vibe

Nothing highlights the fact that you drive a car that's pushing a decade old like driving the same car from this model year

i love when my friends see to see all my g-cals and how they interact; my autistic spirit and virgo rising need order

I forget often that my dad and I have the same zodiac sign until he says some Aquarian shit like "doesn't it suck when you mess something up and then get compliments about it?"

Sometimes I just drunk text my former leaders like we are besties and that's valid of me I think

there's a southern adage that "the uglier you go to bed, the prettier you wake up" and I take umbrage with that because I wake up pretty every morning and have never been ugly a day in my life

Just The Zoo Of Us did an episode on an animal I recommended and I am so elated to listen to it 🪼

I tried to watch Cutthroat Kitchen the other day, but I realized immediately that my brain had autofilled Sam Reich in for Alton Brown.

nobody is immune to propaganda, but it does help if you can develop a moral framework independent of a book you read when you were twelve

I think the biggest thing I've learned being in HR and management is how little folks will read and comprehend from the messages you send out

My body is a machine that is fueled exclusively by Coca Cola and peanut butter toast

I'm genuinely curious when Frozen became popular enough that a single, over the shoulder side braid became an "Elsa braid" instead of a "Katniss braid". When was the culture shift?

Going to Dutch Bros is wild because some gay little hipster 20-something will say "yeah, I'd definitely recommend a slutty caterpillar blended rebel" and an equally gay 20-something will say "yeah, sounds great"

The only thing you need to know about me is that I say "this is gonna fix me" with the same conviction whether I'm making a Shirley Temple or taking my lexapro

I always forget how bonecrushingly sad Falsettos is :))) don't hmu :)))

Thanksgiving has come and gone, so I'm delighted to not hear my father say the word "spatchcock" for another 360 days